Gravity
by These Lonely Skies
Summary: I walked in the middle of the old road, bare feet following the faded white line that seemed to stretch on forever. Breathe, Mu. Everywhere has a road, everywhere has a sky, and everywhere will feel like somewhere soon enough if you just keep breathing. Seth/OC
1. Chapter 1

**I decided to go back to my roots and do it properly. This started out as a rewrite of my first twific ever, The Music Box, but it just became this whole other thing when I started actually writing it. I'm going to go along with it. My apologies to anyone who lives in La Push, I had to create a beach. I've had a look on Google and it looks nothing like how I'm describing it either, seeing as I've made the distance between La Push and Forks _way _shorter than it seems to actually be. I'm from NZ. Forgive me my trespasses.**

**Also, I'll be taking my time updating, so don't get upset if time rolls by before the next chapter is edited and everything.**

**Also also, this is an extremely long chapter.**

***.*.***

I opened my eyes.

In itself, that was an unremarkable act. It was what I opened my eyes to that made me feel weird.

A low ceiling and a boxy room closed in on me, whilst blankets tangled around my legs, ensnaring me completely. I struggled for a moment before pushing them off, heavy quilts that weighed more than I did and were reluctant to relinquish their hold. And as my body cooled, I turned my head and stared out the window at the pale sky. It was too early to tell if it was going to be grey or blue. The morning painted it quicksilver bright and hopeful.

I rolled over and grabbed a pen and my notebook, scribbling down fragments of thought.

Opening my eyes again much later, the sky was a timid blue and I was heavy with rest. I had slept too long these past days, catching up on what the international timeline had deprived me of. I pulled my leaden body out of bed and staggered out into the hallway, shuffling along to the kitchen. Jacob was in there.

We had a routine, my cousin and I.

Him - _Good morning._

Me - _Mmm._

Him - _Coffee's done._

Me - _Cool. Thanks._

This was the first time I'd been up early enough that the _good morning_ wasn't sarcastic.

I contemplated him over a mug of black, bitter coffee. His skin was a beautiful even russet, spreading to cover the muscles on his enormous frame. He was taller than Uncle Billy had ever been. Not that I'd seen that, but Dad had shown me photos of when Billy could walk. Jacob's hair was dark and shaggy. Too shaggy for conformity, but it suited him. Something about him was wild, and cropped hair would have brutally detracted from that essence. His eyes were as black as our last name, and he was looking right at me with one eyebrow raised.

I looked away, embarrassed. He probably thought I was really creepy now. Creepy girl, stalking her cousin.

"Sorry."

"I get it," he said. "You notice stuff."

I glanced back at him and saw that he _did_ get it, understanding shading his eyes a warmer dark brown.

"Yeah," I said.

"Are you into art? Do you sketch?"

I looked at him questioningly.

"The stuff you see," he clarified. "You like detail, right?"

"Yeah," I repeated. "But I can't draw to save myself. I write."

He grunted and returned to staring at the sideboard. I didn't blame him for being spacey. It was only eight, and most people would still be asleep by now. I itched to get out and do something. Anything.

I also really missed my apple and blackcurrant tea, which had stayed in New Zealand.

It wasn't too different here. No pohutukawa or manuka, but an abundance of green life. At least I wasn't in a city.

I got up and slipped out the front door to sit on the narrow porch, one leg dangling off the ramp.

Beauty. It was everywhere, and it would be here. I just had to find it, and capture it, and make this place feel as though it was mine. Maybe I would go for a walk today, through the dark green leaves towards the beach.

The door creaked open again, and Uncle Billy wheeled himself out to park up beside me. We contrasted - I was more brown than russet, and he was more put together at this time of the morning than I would ever want to be. I looked down at my rumpled pyjamas and sighed.

"Gonna be a good one," he said after a few minutes.

He was tobacco and Old Spice, a carved face of experience that told me I would never know better than he did. A flannel shirt tucked over a slight paunch into jeans. The ankles poking out, thin slices of skin between denim and socks yet to be shod, were skinny from disuse. Billy had been in his chair for a long time.

I looked at him enquiringly, and he was gazing at the sky. I followed his look and hummed in agreement.

"Then again," he said, his voice a low rumble, "Appearances can be decieving."

"Mmm," I said again. "Hey, Uncle Billy?"

He switched those black Billy Black eyes to meet mine.

"Thanks," I mumbled. "For... for helping Dad."

"He's my brother," Billy said, not breaking the stare that was becoming a little too intense for a casual conversation. "Even if he forgot that until now."

I shrugged, looking down. "He must have a crap memory," I said. After all, why else would he keep forgetting he was my dad?

"He always was a fool," Billy told me, his unmet gaze weighing heavy on my head. "He hasn't changed since he left, and that was... well, it must have been twenty years ago now."

My coffee was suddenly too bitter. I stood with a twitch of my lips, attempting a polite smile to excuse myself. Billy turned his face to the woods. I headed indoors and dumped the rest of my coffee in the sink. Jacob was gone and I could hear the shower running. Removing the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, I began to fill it with hot water.

Jacob returned, topless with his shaggy hair subdued into a damp mass, to find me elbow-deep in suds. The majority of the dishes were already stacked nicely waiting to be dried on the other side of the sink.

"Oh, um," he said, surprised, "That's my job."

I shrugged again. "It needed doing, and you were busy."

"You shouldn't be doing anything," he said, hovering behind me, probably uncertain of whether he could move me without making it awkward. "Just go unpack or something. Chill."

My mouth curled, and I gave the last dish a final scrub before setting it down. "I'm not a delicate little flower. And anyway, I'm almost done."

He grabbed the tea towel before I could reach it, smiling victoriously as he began to dry the dishes. "It's okay, Mu. Seriously, you don't have to do anything."

I grabbed another tea towel from the drawer. He tensed, waiting for me to fight him, but I merely dried my hands and dropped it delicately on the bench.

"Is that okay?" I said pointedly.

He grinned. "Sure."

"So," I said, settling for wiping down the bench where the dirty dishes had sat. "What do people do around here? Is the beach any good to swim at?"

"If you don't mind freezing your butt off," he told me. "Uh, we do pretty much anything around here. There's some trails in the woods. You could go hiking, but I suggest you wait until you have someone who knows their way around before you go. We get bears and wolves out here."

My eyes widened. "God. Seriously?"

"The wolves won't hurt you," he assured me. "The bears, on the other hand... Well, just don't go into the woods alone. Try picking a hobby."

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to tell if he was lying or not. "So, stamp collecting is my best bet?"

"Well," he said, pretending to think, "I could take you cliffdiving sometime."

"That sounds great," I said. "Except for the cliff part."

He glanced at me, amused. "Scared of heights?"

"Sane," I corrected.

"We could go on the bikes," he offered.

"Bikes?" A ludicrous picture of Jacob grappling with a slim-framed bicycle in a dorky helmet and cycling gear sprang to mind. I tried not to laugh.

"Motorbikes," he explained. "I used to go riding with a friend of mine, but then she got married and her brother-in-law gave her this _sick _bike that she uses now. Not that she gets out much."

"Kids?" I guessed.

"Just one," he said, his face lighting up.

"How old?"

He frowned again in concentration, his huge hands devouring the bowl he was towelling dry. "Uh... must be... ten?"

Wow. Assuming Jacob was around 26, which I'm sure he wasn't despite the fact that his size made it entirely feasible, and assuming that his friend was the same age, she would've had to have been fourteen when she had her kid. Not that I didn't know people like that back home, but...

"Teen mum?" I enquired.

"What?" He glanced at me, confused. Then his eyes widened as he caught on to what I was saying, and he grinned. "Naw, they adopted. Bella's a year or so older than me anyway."

"Oh."

"I'm 20," Jacob said. "Just in case you were wondering."

I shrugged. "I'm 16."

"Just a baby, then."

I looked over to see his eyes alight. Teasing. _Familiarity already, Cousin Jacob? If you insist_. "I'm a girl," I said. "Who runs the world? Girls."

"You just quoted Beyonce."

"You just admitted to knowing Beyonce lyrics."

He shrugged, unashamed. "Nessie likes her."

"Sure," I drawled. "I'm going to go take a shower."

He cocked his head for a moment, looking out the window, then turned back to me. "I'll probably be gone when you get back. Nice finally talking to you, Mu."

I grunted and wandered off down the hallway, grabbing a towel from the cupboard as I went.

*.*.*

Jacob, true to his word, was gone when I got out of the shower. I chucked my damp hair in a bun and pulled on my sweatpants. I had no one to impress here. Then I left a note and started walking along the big, empty road towards Forks. Uncle Billy had said it was about a ten minute drive, which I estimated at a half hour walk, if not more. A good way to stretch my legs after being in a jet-lagged coma for the past few days.

Big sunnies shielded me from the frail sunshine. My notebook was held in one hand, and my pen dangled from the other. I had thirty dollars in my pocket and damn it, I was going to buy myself some tea. All Billy and Jacob had was bitter coffee, which they drank black and strong. Even a decent brew would be acceptable compared to the stuff they drink.

The air around me smelled damp. Warm damp, like earth which has seen rain and is slowly steaming out on the way to become dry. I walked in the middle of the old road, bare feet following the faded white line that seemed to stretch on forever. Breathe, Mu. Everywhere has a road, everywhere has a sky, and everywhere will feel like somewhere soon enough if you just keep breathing.

By the time I got to Forks, I was tired. I don't want to turn around and walk all the way back but being the dumbass I am, I didn't bring any means to contact someone to pick me up. Besides, who would come get me? It's not like Billy can up and drive over.

I trudged into the supermarket with my notebook and started ambling up and down the aisles. I grabbed makeup wipes and lip balm. I grabbed tea. I grabbed gum. I headed to the counter and produce the rumpled twenty. Accepted the unfamiliar coins and my purchases in return. Turned and walked out with a warm feeling in my heart, knowing that I had just secured tea's place at my side for however long it took me to get through the packet.

The gas station was down the street, and I stopped to buy a chocolate bar. The boy behind the counter has blonde hair and watched me as I picked between a Hershy bar and a Kitkat. I chose the Kitkat and presented it to him, not meeting his eyes, not in the mood for small talk in this small town.

"Hey," he said as he scanned the barcode. "I'm Sid."

"Hi."

"And you are...?"

I handed over a five. "A paying customer."

He hovered, grinning. "By the name of...?"

"Mu." Can I have my chocolate bar now, over-friendly cashier?

"Moo? Like a cow?"

I sighed and grabbed the proffered change and chocolate. "Sure. Like a cow." I turned to leave.

"Wait!" he called. I looked back to see him digging for something behind the counter. "Um, I guess you're new, but I'm having..." he grabbed a sheet of paper and held it up triumphantly. "Well, my friend Mac is having a party next weekend."

No thank you, cashier. I plucked the sheet from his hand and offered him a polite smile, figuring he'll let it go if he thinks I'm coming.

He doesn't.

"So, Moo," he said. "Can I get your number?"

I shook my head. "I don't have a cellphone."

"Home number?"

Shrug. "I don't know it. Sorry."

The smile was wilting as he realised that I was brushing him off, although everything I said was absolutely true.

"Oh," he said. "Well, I'll see you at the party then."

"Mm," I said, offering another half-smile before I walked out.

By the time I was back to the outskirts of the reservation, the sun was just past high and the road was too hot for me to walk on. I resorted to the scrubby sides, praying that I didn't step on prickles. Birds and cicadas made the woods seem so innocently alive out here in the sunshine, but I could see the gloom lingering behind the first few rows of pines. No sir-ee, Cousin Jacob, I will not be going into the woods alone.

I flipped open my notebook and jotted a few lines down absently as I walked at a snail's crawl. Beauty. I had to find the beauty.

Breathe, Mu.

*.*.*

The next day dawned pale cerulean again.

"Uncle Billy," I said.

He looked up at me with those black Black eyes. Jacob's eyes. Dad's eyes. Not mine. "Huh?"

I took a sip of my carefully honey-sweetened tea. "When do I go to school?"

"School?" he scratched his head, thinking. "Well, there's the issue of where you're going to go. Your dad made me promise that you could choose between here and Forks High."

"What's here?"

"Two classrooms and a field."

"Really? For a highschool?"

He shrugged. "Folks 'round here don't place a value on that kind of education."

My lips tilted up. "Forks it is then."

He didn't look bothered by my choice, just nodded and sighed. "The pale face school."

"I'm only half Quileute."

Billy grunted. "The good half."

I smiled a little more. "I'm _all_ good, Uncle Billy."

"We'll see," he said. Jacob came in with twigs in his hair and grass stains all over him. I raised my eyebrows. Billy seemed, as always , unperturbed.

"Morning," Jacob mumbled. He looked tired.

"Rough night?" I said dryly. Cousin Jacob, off for a romp in the woods? Well, I never.

He glanced down at himself, then sighed. "It's not what you think."

"I didn't say anything," I pointed out, rising from my chair and draining the last of my drink. I rinsed the cup and shifted the dirty dishes that had been waiting for Jacob out of the sink so I could fill it with hot water.

"Mu..." Jacob sighed, moving towards the sink. "That's my chore."

I shrugged and leaned against the counter as I waited for it to fill.

"Just leave it," he told me. "I'll do it."

I snorted.

"Mu."

"Jacob."

We looked at each other, and then he shook his head bemusedly.

"Whatever," he said. "If you want the dishes, you can have them."

"No," Billy said. "That's your job, Jacob."

Oh, Lord. "I don't mind."

"It's Jacob's job," Billy repeated, fixing me with his stare again. "He's living here rent free. The least he can do is the dishes."

"I'm living here rent free."

"Your dad pays me a hundred bucks expsenses every few weeks."

I pursed my lips. "I can do it. It doesn't matter."

"Just leave it," Jacob mumbled, looking pleadingly at me. I looked from him to Billy's stony glare and held my hands up in surrender, turning the tap off and walking away.

Jacob poked his head into my room about half an hour later. "Can I come in?"

I sat up from where I was lying on my bed, drawing my knees up, and looked at him. He took that as a yes and edged his large frame into the room, sitting on the opposite end of the bed.

"Don't try and do my chores again," he said quietly. "Dad doesn't like it."

I frowned. "Why? It's just the dishes."

Jacob shrugged uselessly. "I... hang out with some people he doesn't approve of. I guess this is his way of saying he hasn't forgiven me."

Despite myself, my lips twitched upwards. "Pale-faces?"

He returned my smile. _"Really_ pale."

"Why doesn't he approve?"

The smile fell into a frown. "It's an old prejudice thing. I never used to like them either."

"What happened?"

"Bella married one of them."

Ah. That explains things then. "I see," I said. "Hey, Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"You should stand up to Billy."

He shrugged again. "It's his house."

Correct. "Well, it's your friend."

Jacob yawned. "Well, I doubt he'd see her as my friend since she married into their lot."

"Are they dangerous?"

He smiled sleepily as he pushed himself up to go. "You have no idea. Hey, stick around today, I'll take you out to meet some locals later."

I spent the rest of the day listening to my newly-acquired ipod and re-sorting my drawers until Jacob woke up and told me it was time to go. His dark eyes were bright again, and he was in a good mood.

"You'll like them," he promised. "Well. Maybe not Leah, she's kind of a bitch to most people. But most of them are cool."

_Cool._

We took Jacob's ancient truck to the beach and started walking from there.

"Where are we going?"

"Around the rocks."

"Why?"

"That's where we hang out." He moved with a spring in his step, much happier than the boy who'd slumped into the kitchen this morning. But he was far too big to be a boy - Jacob was a man, even though it was kind of weird to think of him as a grown up.

Waves crashed over the rocks as we picked our way over. I looked at the water longingly. Jacob said it would be freezing. I believed him, and I really, _really _disliked the fact that I was missing out on summer entirely by moving here.

I voiced this to Jacob.

"That sucks," he said sympathetically. "It's pretty much about to get freezing here."

"I know," I said glumly. "Does it snow here?"

"If it gets cold enough, yeah."

I smiled. "Well, that's a positive then. I've never seen snow."

"Kid."

"Loser."

Playful banter. It was new. It was nice.

_Around the rocks _ended up being another little beach, pebbled and half the length of the one we just left behind. I would never have thought it was here. Driftwood was stacked high above the tideline in an oddly tidy pile.

There was a crowd of around ten people here, dressed in ratty jeans and hoodies. I felt too new - new jeans, new hoodie, new girl - when the eyes of a few curious bystanders rested on me. Jacob wrapped his arm around my shoulders, an oddly protective gesture, and led me forward.

"Nervous?"

"No."

"Liar."

"Loser."

He laughed. "You used that one already."

"It still applies."

And then we were there.

"Jake," a lean, feral-looking girl greeted him.

He nodded at her. "Leah."

"Cousin?"

"Yep."

She glanced at me and dismissed me in the same three seconds, twisting her would-be-pretty mouth into a scowl as she looked at Jacob. "You and my brother need to talk later. He screwed up again."

Jacob sighed and gave me an apologetic look, lifting his arm from my shoulders. I took it for what it was and drifted away so he could talk to Leah.

Everyone else seemed to be sitting or standing around with either beer or what appeared to be lemonade in their hands. There was an overwhelming lack of oestrogen here. Leah and one other equally wild-looking girl were the only others. I stood awkwardly, hands itching for a cellphone or something that I could pretend to be absorbed in.

"Hey." A hand grazed my arm, a clammy bottle was pushed into my hand, and I turned to see a tall boy behind me. He was skinnier than Jacob, but I was pretty sure anyone would look skinny next to Jacob.

He could have been poetry. Dark lashes, dark eyes, a hint of darkness in his easy smile. But then the smile was gone, and his eyes widened behind those long, black lashes. His irises weren't black like Jacob's - they were the colour of rum, a warm, rich, dark brown.

"Hey," he repeated, his smile returning.

I looked down at what he'd given me. Beer. "Um. Do you have anything other than beer? I don't really like it."

"Sure." He pulled the bottle out of my hands and was pressing a lemonade can to me before I could so much as look around. "I'm Seth, by the way."

_You're art, that's what you are. _I smiled at Seth. "Mu."

His grin faltered. "What?"

Oh, now he thought I was joking. I sighed. "My name's Mu."

"Mu," he repeated, as though it were exotic. I suppose it would be to people in Washington. "What does it mean?"

"My eyes are green," I said. "So my nickname's Mu. Like pounamu."

"Pounamu?"

"Greenstone." I twisted the tab and took a sip. "It's kind of dumb because no one knows what it means over here."

_"I_ do, now," he pointed out.

_Smartass. _I took another moment to study his face. Beautiful cheekbones, a scar on one, faded almost to oblivion. And his eyes, the white around the rum, were bloodshot.

"Are you high?" I asked, figuring that if he was, he wouldn't get offended.

His eyes widened again and he shook his head. "Not at the moment."

"But you're a stoner?" I pressed, fairly certain I was right.

He opened his mouth, then shut it again, looking troubled. The beer bottle was shaking in his grip. "I've smoked weed before, yes."

A heavy arm draped around my shoulders again. Jacob.

"Seth," he greeted. "Put the alcohol down."

Seth's eyes flashed angrily. "It's one beer, Jake, I'm allowed one goddamn beer."

"Put it down," Jacob said, his voice oddly inflicted.

Seth looked even angrier, but he threw the bottle down. The sharp crash of glass on pebbles lulled the conversation of the small gathering momentarily.

"Breaking your stupid vow again?" he hissed at my cousin.

"I think you should leave," Jacob said quietly. "Before you do something stupid in front of Mu."

"Too late," I mumbled to myself.

Seth's head turned like he'd heard me, and he looked anguished for a moment. Then he looked beseechingly at Jacob. "Please, man, I'll behave."

Jacob's tight grip on me loosened a little, and he tilted his head to survey Seth. Then he shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry. Mu shouldn't have to deal with your shit on her first night out of the house."

Seth's rum-coloured eyes darkened, his mouth mashing into a flat line of ire. He locked eyes with Jacob for a long moment.

Jacob's chest rumbled in what could have been a growl. "Five minutes," he warned. "That's all." And then, with one final long look at Seth, he turned and left. I watched him go.

"Mu," Seth said. He may have looked like poetry, but I _sounded _like poetry on his tongue.

I met his eyes again. "Um."

A smile tugged at his mouth again. "Hi."

"Hi." I eyed him suspiciously. "So, you're really not high right now?"

He shook his head. "I was earlier today, but... I haven't done anything since then."

"Right." I took a sip of my drink in place of conversation. He seemed quite content to stand there, drinking me in. "So," I said. "Do you... collect stamps?"

"Do you?"

"No."

"Good," he said. "I was thinking I'd have to start collecting stamps so we had something in common."

"We're people," I reminded him. "We have the world in common."

"Not the same world, though." He produced another bottle of beer bottle from somewhere and proceeded to twist the top off and chug half.

"Never the same," I agreed. "Do you have a pen, by chance?"

He felt in the pockets of his jeans and dug out a very much bent pen, shrugging over its sorry state. "Didn't even know I had it."

"Thanks." I scribbled something down on the inside of my arm, frowning at the fading daylight as it hindered me.

"What are you writing?" He leaned closer and angled his head to read my scrawl.

I yanked my sleeve back up and handed him his pen with a smile. "I would tell you, but... I don't really tell anyone."

"So you just let them sit there and wonder what you're doing?"

"Pretty much."

He snorted. "That's pretty fucking selfish."

I frowned. "My words, my arm, my decision. Don't swear."

He watched me for a moment. "You don't like me, do you?"

It was getting harder to see the oddly clear brown of his eyes in the fading light. I shrugged. "I don't know you."

"Would you like to?" He drifted closer again. Flirting. Being stupid.

"No."

He stepped back immediately, seeming nonplussed. "Good choice."

I raised an eyebrow. "What, are you the big bad wolf?"

His smile turned somewhat mocking. "No. But we run in the same pack."

I glanced away and saw that someone had started a fire with the driftwood. I watched the flames climb over the salty pile, oddly tinged and mesmerizing. Seth's hand was on the small of my back, pushing me towards the warmth. He withdrew his touch as soon as I started moving on my own. I glanced at him curiously.

"Not the big bad wolf, remember?" he told me, tossing his now-empty bottle over the fire into the bushes and staring at the flames. "Jacob's coming this way as soon as Leah's done bitching about me, so I probably won't see you around for a while."

"Okay," I said. The fire crackled and spat a chunk onto the pebbles. It glowed and died, a miniature star in fast forward.

_"Okay,"_ he repeated quietly, bitterly, then cleared his throat and continued. "It's been nice while it lasted."

I snorted. "Breaking up with me already, Seth?"

His head snapped around to stare at me, eyes incredibly intent on my own. "Never."

I opened and shut my mouth a few times before settling for looking at the fire.

True to Seth's word, Jacob was there within a minute. He came and stood beside me. Seth tensed, then turned abruptly and walked off.

"Bye," I muttered at his retreating back.

"Now comes the fun part," Jacob told me. "We're going to get you drunk."

I snorted. "Why would I agree to that?"

He put an arm around me again and turned me around, walking towards a strangely flat-topped rock with bottles set up on it. "You don't have to. You're on our turf now. This is your initiation."

"I don't drink well," I hedged.

Jacob squeezed my shoulders tighter briefly. "Then you'll love this."

And in the dark of the night, we stole back into the little house that Billy built, me giggling and trying to clutch Jacob in an attempt to stay upright. My head was pleasantly blurred, and I could no longer feel any of the cold that had stolen in with the sunset. Jacob laughed at my gibberish and took off my shoes for me, tucking me into bed fully clothed.

"Goodnight Mu," he said.

"Goodnight Jacob!" I whispered loudly. "Love you!"

He just laughed again, and then it was dark and I was confused as to what had happened for a while before I realised he had turned off the light.

Well.

I snuggled down in my covers, sleep claiming me as I shut my eyes.

*.*.*

_Boring._

I surveyed the buildings in front of me, labelled Fork's High by a large and peeling sign. Jacob's car smelled like leather and oil, and some sort of musk. He waited patiently as I took it in.

"Not too late to change your mind," he said. "Ditch the pale faces."

"I could say the same to you," I sniped.

He smiled mysteriously. "To be honest, it was too late for me a long time ago. You, on the other hand, still have a chance."

"Then I'll give them my chance." I opened the door which, a credit to Jacob's meticulous care, did not creak despite the ancient mechanism. "Thanks for the ride."

"No problem." He reached over the back and picked up my bag, holding it out to me. "Have fun with the kids."

"I'll try," I promised, offering him a wry smile before turning my back on him and ambling towards the main office. He tooted the horn at me, and I waved in reply before he drove off.

The interior of the building boasted a receptionist with a bad perm and a sickly smile.

Her: _Hello, dear._

Me: _Um. Hi._

Her: _Can I help you?_

Me: _Um. Yeah. I'm starting school here._

Her:_ Did your parents call ahead?_

Me:_ Um. My uncle. Billy Black._

Her: _Oh! You're the girl from the reservation. Well._

Me: _Yeah. Um. Do I just go ahead and start, or...?_

Her: _I'll just print out your schedule, and then you can make your way to your first class._

Me: _Um. Thanks._

And so, armed with my fragile and fluttering scrap of a schedule, I tried to find my English class. I was almost there when a bell rang and students swarmed from various classrooms, shouting and laughing. I blinked at them, then checked first my shedule, then my watch. English hadn't even started yet. That must have been homeroom or something.

"Moo!"

I looked up and saw cashier boy standing before me, grinning.

"Um. Hi?" I said uncertainly. I hadn't the foggiest what his name was, but he was better looking without a uniform.

"I served you, that time?" He was still smiling, sure I would remember. "Sid?"

"Oh! Hi, Sid." I looked at my schedule, then thrust it towards him. "Can you... I have no idea where my English class is."

He glanced at the paper. "Oh, you have Mr Reames. He's in E2."

I looked at him blankly. "Where's E2?"

"Uh..." he looked around. The students had definitely thinned to the last stragglers. "Here, I'll show you. Come on." He turned and started walking. I hastened to follow.

"Thanks," I said sheepishly.

"It's okay," he said cheerfully. "So, is your nickname really Moo?"

"M-U," I spelled. "As in pounamu. Greenstone."

"Greenstone?"

"Um..." I tried to think what else it was called. "Jade?"

"Oh!" He flashed another smile at me. "Sorry for calling you a cow."

I shrugged. "You didn't know. It's a Maori word."

"Maori?"

Wow. I glanced up at him, eyebrows raised. "What do they teach you guys here?"

Sid laughed. "Was that a really dumb question?"

"To me, yes. To the average American, probably not."

"Are you calling the average American really dumb?"

I shook my head. "Just a little ignorant. Do you even know where New Zealand is?"

He blinked at me. "Isn't it that little one off the coast of Australia?"

Not knowing quite how to react, I settled for sidelong glance. "Look at a map. I'm from there."

"To be honest, I thought you were British."

Oh, dear Lord. I didn't know whether to laugh or be annoyed, so I laughed, which made Sid look annoyed.

"I didn't know," he muttered. "Here, your class is in this building. Just look for the number on the door."

"Thanks, Sid," I said, offering him a smile. He gave a reluctant one to me in return.

"No problem," he replied. "I'll see you later."

"See you," I promised, hastening up the steps. I realised that Sid was probably going to be late to his own class now because of me, which made me feel a little guilty, but at least I didn't make a dick of myself on the first day by peeking into the wrong classroom.

Through the window, I could see that class had already begun. I knocked tentatively on the door, interrupting whatever the teacher had been saying. He crossed to the door and opened it, standing before me in his full intellectual glory. Seth was poetry, but this guy looked like he inhaled and consumed words to live. He was good looking in a way that suggested he would have been a heartthrob when he was younger, but now his looks sat well with his age. He had a volumous mass of well-groomed grey hair atop a face dominated by strong features which caught the dim light within the room in a manner which would have made a photographer overjoyed. Flinty grey eyes were framed by stylish glasses. He himself was framed by a black suit and crisp white shirt, but no tie. This man knew he was good looking, knew how to take care of himself, and did so with pride.

"Hello," he said, raising silvery eyebrows in inquiry.

"I'm Eleanor Black," I said. "Are you Mr Reames?"

"I am." He stood aside and allowed me in. "I assume you are joining this class? Pick a seat, I won't assign you one unless you obstruct the lesson."

"Um. Thanks." I felt the eyes of curious class-dwellers on me, so I kept my eyes down until I reached a seat. It was right up the front. I didn't particularly care. I had no one to whisper with in the back seats, anyway.

"Now, I'm sure you're all dying to welcome the new girl," Reames said from the front of the room, claiming attention again. "But not in my class, understood? Socialise in your own time. Now, where was I..."

It took until almost the end of the lesson, after Reames had handed out some sort of quiz for us, for someone to lean close and whisper hello. I lifted my eyes momentarily and mouthed a quick greeting back, then returned to my paper.

"I'm Larielle," she murmured. "Call me Larry. You?"

Reames appeared, standing over us and glaring at Larry pointedly.

"Socialise in your own time," he reminded us, eyes resting on me for a moment before he walked away to heckle someone else. The message was clear - don't make life difficult for him, and he won't make it difficult for me.

"Mu," I breathed, pretending to study a question particularly hard, my pen poised above the paper.

We didn't speak for the rest of the lesson, but when I stood to go to my next class, Larry grabbed my schedule and scanned it.

"We have Gym," she announced. And just like that, we were talking on our way to Gym. Larry hated Gym, hated all forms of exercise - "Except ballet," she informed me. "That's a real sport, not just running around in an ugly uniform." My new friend was a ballerina, had been for most of her life. She was also very pretty. Creamy skin, with a full, soft mouth that put Angelina Jolie to shame, and a curly mane of dark red hair that made her features seem all the more delicate. She could have been a porcelain doll.

And me? Oh, well, you know, just the new kid.

_Just the new kid?_

Yes. From New Zealand. No hobbies or passions to speak of.

Larry smiled at me, the corners of her eyes crinkling. "I'm sure there's more to you than that."

Oh, just a dead mother, a depressed father, a cryptic uncle, a protective cousin, and a pretty-eyed boy made of poetry.

I shook my head, smiling back. "I'm pretty average. Just foreign."

_"'Just foreign'_ will get you on the map around here," she told me. "You're a landmark for the next week or so whether you like it or not."

"I figured as much," I said wryly. "So, what do you guys do in Gym?"

She rolled her eyes, back to being disgusted. "Freaking _volleyball."_

I liked volleyball. I was good at it. I decided not to tell Larry, humming in a neutral way instead before shifting the topic back to her.

Larry lived her life for dance. "I practise every day for two hours after school, and on weekends I go to Seattle for tuition." She was meant to go to a ballet school in New York when she finished Junior High, but her grandmother died and she missed the audition because everyone who woud have flown with her was attending the funeral and there was no way her mother would allow her to navigate New York alone. So instead, she was training for the audition at the end of this year. It was, she informed me, the most important thing she would ever do in her teenage life.

By the time we reached lunch that day, I was feeling as though I had made my first friend. Deep breath. Don't hold it, just exhale and act normal. She likes you so far, Mu.

"Did you bring lunch?" Larry asked.

I nodded. Didn't everyone?

Apparently not.

"I'll buy you something," she promised. "Go grab a table for us, okay?"

_You don't have to buy me anything, Larry. I like you already._ But she insisted, and I went to a still-empty table to unpack my lunch. I was starving and dying to eat my leftover meat sandwich and my carefully wrapped biscuits.

Sid sat next to me, hip to hip. "Hey, Mu."

"Um. Hi," I replied, staying perfectly still, my hand freezing momentarily in the unwrapping of my sandwich.

"How's your day been so far?"

I watched my rye bread as if it were about to run away. "Not bad. A little weird."

"How so?"

I glanced up to find him gazing at me politely. "Um. It's just different from what I'm used to, I suppose. Like... having a locker. It's weird."

"Why's that weird?"

"I've never had one before," I replied with a shrug. "I'm used to carrying all my books around in my bag."

He had nice hazel eyes. Not green, like mine, or amber, like Seth's, but a nice mixture that reminded me of forests and earth and kauri gum with pretty green things preserved inside. His hair was shaggy and blonde, much shorter than Jacob's yet just as unruly. He looked like he would tan if he was given half the chance, but seeing as this country was headed for winter, I doubted he'd see much sun until spring.

He was also looking at me expectantly, which made me realise I'd been staring.

I returned my gaze to my sandwich, studying it intently. "Beg pardon?"

"I said, wasn't that annoying?" Sid sounded amused, though mercifully he chose not to comment on my perusal.

I shrugged again. "You get used to it."

Larry sat down with a tray on the opposite side of the table. "Sid, I think Llana was saving a seat for you."

"I don't want to sit with Llana," he informed her. "I want to sit with Mu."

She looked uneasy, but she let it slide. She pushed a plate with a slice of what appeared to be apple pie on it towards me. "Here, Mu."

Dessert? Larry was beginning to be more and more appealling as a friend.

"Are you going to Mac's?" Sid asked Larry, who nodded.

_"Definitely,"_ she said enthusiastically. "Thank God it's Saturday night, or I'd have to give it a miss." She had ballet on Saturdays. "As it is, I'll probably have to be sober."

"Sucks for you," he said cheerfully. "Hey, you should take Mu with you."

I blinked. What?

He continued. "Since you're already going, I mean."

Larry put down the fork she had been using to pick the onions out of her salad and met his gaze. "Sid, why do I get the feeling _you _want to take Mu with _you?"_

What?

I choked a little on my apple pie.

Sid flashed me a grin. "I'd take her if I thought she'd say yes."

Obviously, my flushed and choking face was more attractive than I'd previously thought. I swallowed with difficulty and kept my eyes trained on my food. "Um. No."

"See?" In the corner of my vision, Sid leaned forward conspirationally. "That's why you should take her. Someone's got to show her some fun."

Do I get a say in this?

But Larry was nodding slowly. She turned to me. "My house, six o'clock, Saturday. Bring all your party crap, I hate lending people my clothes."

"I-" I began, but Sid nudged me and cut me off.

"Let it go," he told me. "You'll have fun, don't worry."Someone called his name from across the room, and he waved his hand dismissively at them before turning back to me. "So. You in?"

I looked from him to Larry and back again. "Do I get a choice?"

"Nope!" He stood, another grin fleetingly gracing his mouth. "See you around, Mu."

"And Larry," Larry said pointedly.

"And Larry," he added over his shoulder as he strolled away.

Larry whistled quietly. I glanced at her to see her shaking her head at me.

"First day here," she said, "And you've already attracted the notice of Forks' one and only Sid Crosby. How'd you manage that."

I swallowed my mouthful of sandwich before answering. "He. Um. Served me once. At the gas station. I bought a Kitkat."

"I see." Larry delicately ate a forkful of salad, watching me the entire time.

"What?"

"Well," she began, "The thing is, Llana Stanley is plotting your gruesome murder as we speak. She has dibs on Sid."

I snorted. "Dibs?"

"Sid's not up for grabs." Larry ate another dainty mouthful. Good table manners. I liked that, and I liked her.

"But I don't want to grab him," I said.

She pointed her fork at me. So much for manners. "But _he _wants to grab _you,_ which is why you need to watch your back."

I quietly ate my sandwich, thinking.

Larry kept talking, sensing that I wouldn't interrupt. "We lowly sophomores are meant to bow down to Her Majesty because she's a Senior and everyone's pretty much shit-scared of her. Which, by the way, so is Sid, so he's kind of stepping down to be nice to you. No offence. But it's true. There's a hierachy. I don't know if anyone's told you, since you're, like, foreign or whatever. You've skipped Freshman year, so that's a bonus, but you've arrived just in time for Sophomore. After that it's Junior, which is old enough to have superiority over the underclassmen but not quite old enough to match the Seniors. The Seniors are the business."

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," I quipped. "I'm sure I'll care more when I'm a Senior looking at annoying Freshmen, but for now..." I shrugged and spread my hands.

"I knew you'd be a rebel," she said, grinning. "Just remember what I said about Queen Bitchy."

"Which one is she?"

Larry glanced around discretely. "Okay, we're going to get up and walk over to some people so I can introduce you. I'll point her out on the way past, but don't make it obvious that you're looking."

I frowned. "She's not the mafia, Larry, I think she can handle a glance in her direction without going insane."

"That's what you think," Larry said ominously. "Now, I'll stand up first, and then you follow me and catch up. She's the one who sits right in the middle of the table next to the window."

We stood. We walked. I looked.

Llana Stanley was bottle blonde with cleavage that only plastic surgery or a serious push up bra could produce. She was fair and unfreckled, and she would have been prettier if she'd worn less makeup. As it was, she looked like a glossed-over Barbie.

Then she turned her head and met my eyes. The look she gave me was one of contempt. She whispered to the girl sitting next to her. I looked away, trying not to blush at having been caught out.

Larry's people were a group of five. Two boys with dark shaggy shoulder length hair and dark eyes, one with glasses, one with a Mountain Dew can in front of him. Wide smiles, mouths almost two wide for their faces, but they could pull it off while they were still boyish. A girl who had a mane of blonde and a curvy yet confident vibe wearing tight skinny jeans and a soft yellow long sleeved v-neck. A girl who was stick-thin and flat. And the fifth member was another boy, floppy mouse-coloured hair and faded late-summer blue eyes.

"Hi," curvy greeted me, smiling. She looked like she's out of a magazine, the all-American sweetheart. I envied her already, because she looked perfectly comfortable in her own skin and I hadn't quite got the hang of being comfortable in mine.

"Um. Hi," I said, sitting awkwardly beside Larry. _Larry, Larry - you are already my comfort blanket._

"I'm Breanna," she said, holding out a hand for me to shake.

"That's a Fleetwood Mac song," I noted as I accepted the greeting and shook her hand. Warm. Dry. Confident.

"You know Fleetwood Mac?" asked stick-thin incredulously. "No one knows them!"

"They were pretty famous," I said doubtfully. "Still are."

She leaned forward. "What do you think of the Vampire Weekend cover of _Everywhere_?"

I shrugged. "Good. Nothing's ever going to have the same impact as the original, but they didn't try to make it their own too much, which worked."

"Mumford and Sons cover of _Cousins_?"

"Again, the original is always going to be best. _Cousins _wasn't my favourite Vampire Weekend song anyway."

"What is?"

"Oxford Comma." I took a bite of my pie, which had been neglected since I'd arrived.

"Sally," Larry said, "This is Mu. Mu, this is Sally."

Sally sat back. "Make a reference to a Mustang, and I may have to kill you."

I smiled. "What about _Sally's Song_?"

"The Nightmare Before Christmas?" Sally raised her eyebrows, impressed. "You get around."

I couldn't resist. "I'm not the one who's been riding all over town."

She looked reluctantly amused, pressing her lips together so that she wouldn't laugh.

"I'll give you that one," she said.

Larry nudged me. "That's Nate..." - glasses - "...Tom..." - Mountain Dew - "...and that's Chris." Chris was late summer sky.

"Guess which one of us is the academic one," Nate challenged. Obviously I'd been correct in my assumptions and they were in fact twins.

I pointed to Tom.

"Excellent choice," he said, then turned to Nate. "You owe me five bucks."

Chris smiled shyly at me in greeting, but his attention was on Sally, who was raving to no one in particular about how Katy Perry's version of _Electric Feel _was better than the original because it made the song sound more meaningful and thought out.

I made a mental note to look up the cover.

Larry leaned over to Breanna. "Hey, did you see that Sid came and sat with us?"

Breanna nodded, eyes lighting up with curiosity. "What did he want?"

"He wanted Mu."

Breanna glanced at me. "Oh, you poor thing. Llana's going to eat you alive."

"That's what I said!" Larry exclaimed. "She didn't believe me."

_I am right here, _I thought peevishly.

On cue, Breanna's head swivelled back to me. "Do you like Sid?"

"Um. No."

"You do!" Larry accused gleefully.

"No," I repeated firmly.

"The course of true love never did run smooth," she quipped. "So, when we go to Mac's, are you going to make a move?"

"No," Breanna said sharply, "She's not."

_My hero._

She continued. "Because if Sid wants her, he'll make the move."

_Scratch that. _I eyed Breanna resentfully. "Um. I don't want anyone making moves."

Breanna and Larry exchanged another meaningful look.

I sighed and glanced around the table, looking for a saviour.

Nate grinned at me. "I don't think you get a choice."

"I don't think I do," I agreed glumly. "I don't even know if I can go."

"Strict parents?"

I shook my head. "I live with my uncle. My dad's still in New Zealand."

Nate offered me the packet of chips he was holding. "Dorito?"

I accepted, munching on dehydrated cheese and nacho.

"Do you think your uncle won't like you going out?"

I shrugged. "Um. I've only been here for, like, three weeks."

"To be honest," he said, "It'd probably be easier for you if you didn't go. Then Llana wouldn't have an excuse to get her claws out."

My gaze flickered to Llana's table again before returning to Nate. "Um. Why is everyone scared of her?"

"Because," Tom cut in, apparently having eavesdropped. "She's a bitch. She spread a rumour about Breanna being a lesbian."

"With _me,"_ Sally said, wrinkling her nose. "Some people have no imagination. Sure, let's make the weird muso chick a lesbian, that's so _original."_

I shrugged again. "I'm not trying to impress anyone. The people who matter know who I am, and everyone else can get stuffed." _Llana Stanley included._

Nate clapped.

"You're badass," Tom told me, grinning.

"Bad-_ass," _Nate agreed.

I kind of felt normal.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, as you might have guessed, updates are going to take a while. This is the first story I've tried to write in so much depth, so I'm going to take my time and write mega chapters as opposed to shorter ones. I'm aiming at 10,000 words per chapter. This chapter was re-edited because I accidentally called Larry a blonde when I imagined her a gorgeous Emma Stone-esque shade.**

**Enjoy.**

**-TheseLonelySkies**

*.*.*

Uncle Billy. I need to go to a party. Well, I don't need to. I don't even really want to. But I have these friends now, you see, and the thing with friends is that you have to do things with them outside of school or else they think you're boring. And then I start thinking I'm boring. Plus there's this boy who's flirting with me and I wish he wouldn't because it makes a pretty girl ugly with envy. The boy is the one who invited me to the party. So. Can I go?

"Uncle Billy," I began at breakfast, "Can I go out Saturday night?"

His eyes cut to me across the table. "Where?"

"Just outside Forks."

"Where outside Forks?"

"Um." Pass? "It's a house party. I think I have an invitation somewhere." Or did I throw that out with my Kitkat wrapper?

"Who's party?"

"A guy named Mac."

He paused to sip his coffee. Black. Like his eyes. Bitter. Like his relationship with his only son.

"Who would you be going with?"

"Some friends from school. Larry said I can stay at her house."

And in comes Jacob, dishevelled again. He smiled tiredly at me. "Morning, Mu."

"Morning. Coffee's done."

He yawned. "I think... I think I'll just go to bed. Embry will take Mu to school."

"Dishes are here," Billy barked after him as he retreated. Jacob raised a weary hand in acknowledgement, continuing on his way.

Billy turned back to me. "You can go."

"Thanks."

"No drinking."

"Okay."

"No sex."

"Um." _Uncle Billy, I'm not a slut._ "Wasn't planning on it."

He regarded me over his coffee mug as he raised it for another sip. "Good."

Embry turned out to be one of the people I met on the beach. He pulled up beside the house and tooted, grinning from the interior of a car that seemed far too small for his bulky frame. Was everyone around here into weightlifting or something?

He wore a shirt and scruffy denim shorts that were entirely inappropriate for such a cold day, but once I climbed into his crappy car I understood why the jacket I wore wouldn't be necessary. His heating was cranked right up, filling the whole car with warmth and a woodsy scent. I shrugged out of my top layer and buckled in as he reversed.

"Mu, right?" he said, eyes scanning the road as he backed onto it. "As in pounamu."

"Um. Right," I replied, surprised. "I think you're the first one to remember that."

He smiled cryptically. "Oh, I doubt that. So, how's the pale school?"

"Racism goes both ways," I informed him. "It's alright. I've only been two days."

"Give it time," Embry said ominously.

I glanced over and saw that he was teasing. "You taking bets on how long I'll last or something?"

"You bet," he replied with another grin. "Jake reckons you'll last until senior year. Billy bet on graduation. Quil bet on next Tuesday."

"And you?"

"Two months. I figure that's enough time to realise that people on the reserve are way cooler."

I laughed. "People in particular?"

"Or just me," he drawled. "Naw. I'm just kidding. But seriously, you should get to know some more people around here."

"Like who?"

"Like..." he paused to think. "Like Nessie. And me and Quil. And Seth."

"Nessie?" I frowned, trying to remember what Jake had said. "Isn't that Jake's friend's kid?"

He raised his eyebrows, surprised. "Yeah. She's cool."

"Isn't she... um... ten?"

He shifted in his seat. "Something like that. But she's really smart for her age."

I hummed neutrally. A ten year old wasn't really a compelling argument for me to quit Forks. "So. Um. My choices are a variety of pale faces or a ten year old and three boys?"

His lips twitched. "And your problem is?"

And a few seconds later, "She's pretty cool for a ten year old."

"Don't you have anyone to offer who isn't part of your pack?" I asked.

He flinched, swerving a little. "Uh... what do you mean?" His voice was slightly higher than normal.

"Everyone you're offering is in the same group of people," I explained, wondering why he sounded strange. "Surely other kids live here."

Embry visibly relaxed. "Oh! Yeah. Sure. But they're not as cool."

I rolled my eyes to myself and looked out my window.

"So..." Embry said, drawing out the word. "Any boys at this school of yours?"

"Um. Seeing as it's co-ed, yes."

He reached over to poke my side. "You know what I mean. Any boys caught your eye?"

I frowned. "I, um, really don't think that's any of your business."

"It's not," he agreed cheerfully. "But I sure am nosy."

"No," I replied after a long pause.

"No?" We pulled into the parking lot, and Embry turned to look at me as he cut the engine. "Well, that's good then."

"Um. Why?" I asked, a little uncomfortable.

He gave me that cryptic grin again. "No reason."

Someone tapped on the car window, making me jump. I turned and saw Larry waving at me through the glass. She glanced at Embry curiously, lingering on him for a moment, before moving to the side so I could open my door. On the other side, Embry was getting out as well and striding around to her with a big smile.

"Hi," he said a little breathlessly, eyes roving her face.

"Hey," Larry replied, fiddling with the hem of her woollen dress. It was blue and white striped and she wore bright red stockings underneath it to match the bright red buttons stitched in single file down from her neckline to her waist.

"Um," I said, "This is Embry. Embry, this is Larry."

"Hi," he repeated.

"Hey," she returned again before glancing at me. "Uh, Bree's on the steps waiting for us, I just came over so that you'd know we were here..."

Warmth. Warmer than Embry's car. I had friends who looked out for me on icy mornings.

"Um. Thanks." I slung my bag over my shoulder and glanced at Embry. "Thanks for the ride, Embry."

"You're welcome," he said without looking away from Larry, who was studying him from under her eyelashes, a hint of a blush on her cheeks.

"Bye," she said with a smile, turning to leave.

"Bye," he replied.

I turned back when we were halfway across the parking lot and halfway through Larry's story about falling on her face during some complicated and French-sounding ballet movement. Embry was still rooted to the spot, watching Larry. He noticed me looking and gave me a sad smile.

So. Embry himself wasn't the reason he wanted me to stay at La Push.

Who or what was?

Larry stopped me as we reached the end of the parking lot and glanced back to where Embry was now talking on his cellphone.

"Mu," she said, "Who was that?"

"Um," I said, confused, "Didn't I just introduce you guys?"

"I know his _name," _she said. "But who is he to you?"

"He's friends with my cousin," I told her. "To be honest, this is the second time I've ever met him."

"Oh." She peeked his way again. "So... he lives in La Push?"

"Yes."

"He's very good looking."

_Was he? _I could honestly say I hadn't thought about his looks at all. "If you say so."

She sighed. "Bet he'd run a mile if he knew how much of a freak I am."

"Um." _How are you a freak? _

"My ballet," she explained. "The fact I have no down time and hardly any fun scares most boys off before anything happens."

"Embry's nice," I offered unhelpfully. After all, my brief and confusing car ride with him made me an expert, right?

"It's not meant to be," she said dismissively.

But she still turned around and watched him get into his car and drive off, a thoughtful expression on her face. I fidgeted uncomfortably until she turned with another sigh towards the buildings.

"Welcome to Tuesday morning," she said glumly.

*.*.*

Every morning, as it turned out, was destined to be rather similar to Monday. The only discernible difference was that I knew my way to English, although Larry still waited for me and escorted me just in case.

It still felt weird to have a locker. I was so used to the familiar weight of my bag of books bumping into my thigh with every step, to the feeling of keeping one shoulder especially hitched so that I didn't sag under said weight, that to walk around without any bag at all was completely foreign. I kept getting the feeling that I was forgetting something, because I just wasn't used to not having all my things with me.

To be honest, I could have had a bag anyway. It would save me carrying my books. But I had to conserve space in my suitcase for important things like underwear and my mum's old music box, so the bag I used to have remained in New Zealand, packed in a box at Dad's new house, waiting for me to unpack it should I ever return. The bag I currently used was of the lame supermarket freebie variety and so was shunned to the depths of my locker until home time.

I regretted the decision to leave it behind when a girl with long, incredibly straight, incredibly blonde hair slammed into my shoulder in passing.

I spun with the impact, dropping my load of books, a pencil case, and a scientific calculator on the floor. For a moment I froze, blinking at my things. Then I knelt with a sigh and began to gather them into a tidy, manageable pile.

"You okay?"

Glancing up, I saw Sally standing with a hand on one hip, alternating between eyeing me speculatively and frowning down the corridor. "What a bitch," she muttered. "Seriously, you need help?"

"I'm fine," I assured her, straightening and clutching my small pile protectively lest someone else repeat the slamming action.

She appraised me. "I saw the hit and run. I know who did it. She headed right for you."

"Who?"

"Jade. Llana's right hand." Sally dug in her pocket and offered me a stick of gum. "Looks like you've made quite an impression. Usually they start with more subtle means of torture."

"Torture?" I snorted. "Um, she walked into me. It's not a big deal."

"To you it's not," she said. "To the rest of us..."

Annoyed that she was being dramatic but extremely curious regardless, I took the gum and looked at her expectantly. "What?"

"Llana Stanley is starting a war," she replied.

"A war," I said skeptically.

Sally shrugged. "It's happened before. Ask Breanna."

"Did Llana pick on her?"

"By proxy," she replied. "She was really after her brother, Max, because he dumped her and no one dumps Llana Stanley. So she decided to make him miserable, but he went to college pretty much right after so he was beyond her reach. Or so he thought."

"What happened?"

"Well, like I said, no one dumps Llana Stanley. Especially not the star quarterback. She had this whole cliche relationship going on in her mind, and then he went and ruined it. So she decided to get even. You know _Better than Revenge, _Taylor Swift?"

"Yeah."

"There was no other girl to get him alone and steal him," she said, "But believe me when I say there is nothing she does better than revenge. She made Breanna's life hell as soon as she stepped into the school grounds. Rumour has it she even has dirty pictures of Breanna from when Breanna was dating this Senior guy called Billy - he's gone now, works at a Starbucks in Seattle - and if Breanna ever so much as steps out of line, she'll upload them to the school server and send it to every male student, teacher, and janitor."

"How do you get all of this?" I asked, fascinated.

She shrugged again. "I make it my business to know the gory side of Llana Stanley. She called me a dyke. Know your enemy and all that crap."

"You're very nonchalant about this."

"I have to be," she answered, eyebrow quirked as if to say _duh. _"Otherwise she gets under my skin and feeds off of my decaying soul."

"Nice imagery."

"Thank you."

"So..." I started walking, heading for my locker so I could dump my books before lunch. "To sum your points up, Llana Stanley is a vengeful, spiteful, parasitic being who will stop at nothing and no one to get what she wants, including revenge?"

"Precisely. Your thoughts on the matter?"

I shook my head. "I still think it's no big deal."

"Famous last words," she remarked dryly.

The cafeteria was almost full by the time we got there. Sally steered me into the line, chattering about whether Elemeno P making a comeback would be good or not, and had I seen Kimbra live? She seemed disappointed at my lack of knowledge about New Zealand bands.

"Six60?" she demanded. "What about them?"

I shrugged. "I think my cousin saw them live, once. They're cool."

"They're _cool?" _she repeated incredulously. "Seriously, I am going to educate you in music. Come over to my house on Saturday."

"I'm going to Larry's," I said. "She's taking me to Mac's."

"Then I'm going to Larry's too," she said grimly. "And I am bringing you a CD."

"Whatever," I said, laughing. "I don't have a CD player, by the way."

She flapped a hand dismissively at me. "Burn them onto a computer. Shove them in a DVD player. Lick them and see if my musical taste will rub off on you."

"Creative," I said.

We turned and walked over to the table we sat at yesterday. Larry waved as we drew closer, scooting over to make room for me.

But on the other side, Breanna filled the gap and slid her bag where she had sat previously. She looked right past me. Larry looked at her in confusion, her brow furrowing. The twins looked at each other, then at Chris, who was studying his lunch tray intently. I came to a halt at the edge of the table, puzzled.

What had changed?

"Breanna," Sally said. "Move."

Breanna's glance flickered to her innocently. "For who?"

"For _Mu,_" she said.

Breanna blinked. "Mu?"

"Breanna," Sally said dangerously, "Don't do this."

"Do what?"

_"Breanna!"_

"Mu, come and sit beside me," Nate said suddenly, patting the bench.

"You don't want to do that," Tom objected. "Come and sit by me, Mu."

"Thomas smells, and I am far more devilishly handsome," Nate said with a wink.

"I smell lovely and Nathaniel does not have the cranial capacity to carry out socially adequate conversations," Tom said.

"Thomas," Nate turned to his brother. "I can only think of one solution to our dilemma."

"I believe I have reached the same conclusion, Nathaniel."

"Mu," Nate said.

"You can sit between us," Tom finished.

I didn't know whether to laugh at them or cry with gratitude for what they were doing. I settled for grinning and sitting between them.

"Tom doesn't really smell," Nate confided in a whisper when I was seated. "But I'm still the handsomest."

Breanna sniffed and toyed with her food.

Sally slammed her tray on the table, smiling with satisfaction when Bree flinched. Then she sat down and started murmuring to her. Bree nodded, then muttered something back. Sally looked furious. Her head turned to look at something or someone.

"Mu." Nate nudged me. "Your boy is watching you."

I followed his gaze to see Sid, who smiled at me, obviously not ashamed at being caught out. I blushed and went back to eating.

"He probably thinks you're a pimp," Nate continued.

Tom tutted. "Probably wondering why 10s like us are sitting with a seven like Nate."

"10s like you?" Nate scoffed. "Hey, Mu, don't look now, but I think his guard dog is watching too."

"Llana?" I guessed wryly.

"You really do know how to make friends, don't you?" he said mockingly.

I sighed and risked another glance at Sid, who was now talking to Llana. "Doesn't matter. I'm not interested in either of them."

"Ahh," he said, "but they are oh-so interested in you."

Tom slid his pudding cup to me. "I'm sorry about Bree. She's usually a nice person, until Llana gets her claws in."

"She started early," Nate added. "Second day here and you're already on her hit list. I'm impressed."

"Do you need bodyguards?"

"Will two strong, muscular, handsome, rather similar men suffice?"

"Make that one strong, muscular, handsome man, and one scrawny chicken."

"Thomas! You're not _that _scrawny!"

I laughed. "I don't need bodyguards. I'm fine."

"Eat," Tom ordered, removing the top and stabbing the spoon in for me. "You can't handle Llana Stanley on an empty stomach."

*.*.*

I zipped my bag up and sighed, wondering if my dress would wrinkle by the time I got to Larry's, and if this was a heels or flats kind of party, and if she had two sockets in her bathroom because I needed to straighten or curl or do _something_ to my hair.

I slung the strap over my shoulder and walked out into the hallway.

"Jacob, I'm ready to go!"

"Hang on a minute," he called back, sounding frustrated. Frowning, I walked into the living room to see him and Embry sitting on opposite couches, apparently just finishing a deep conversation. They both didn't look happy.

"Where are you off to?" Embry enquired, forcing a smile.

I chose not to pursue whatever they had been talking about. "Larry's house. You know, the one in the parking lot?"

Embry knew. He'd been driving me every day since, and he got the same look on his face every time he saw her. Kind of like the one he wore now. Happy, content, like the very thought of her made his whole body relax.

"How is she?" he asked, failing to hide his interest.

Jacob snorted.

"She's fine," I replied, amused. "Jacob? You almost ready?"

"I'm good to go," he assured me, standing. "The Rabbit's unlocked. I'll be out in a minute, okay?"

The Rabbit's smell soothed me. It smelled different now than it had yesterday before Jacob had driven away for a few hours. Sweetness lingered over the woods-and-leather scent, a light perfume. A feminine presence? I wondered suddenly if Jacob had a girlfriend. Or maybe he still held a candle for this Bella girl?

Something snapped loudly in the small copse of trees around the side of Billy's yard. I froze, then peeked over my shoulder in the wing mirror. Nothing there. I turned and peered through the late afternoon shadows.

Still nothing.

Weird.

I got in and slammed the door shut, the hairs on the back of my neck prickling. Something was watching me. Some_one_ was watching me.

I rummaged in my bag for my notebook, ideas blossoming in my head.

The truck sagged as Jacob swung himself in. "What are you doing?"

"Writing," I replied absently, finishing my sentence and shutting the battered pages. "Um. What were you and Embry talking about?"

As I watched, his lips pressed together and he looked angry for a second before he relaxed and reached to insert his keys. "Nothing much. Just some community work. The Council want us to build a garden, but they keep changing their mind on where."

A garden. A _garden? _

I slid my notebook back into my bag and clipped myself in as he reversed out through the gate. "Oh. Cool."

"Gardens aren't really that cool," he said wryly, glancing sidelong at me before accelerating onto the big old road. "Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah," I said, surprised. "Why?"

"Just wondering if you're nervous," he said. "You're quiet. For you."

"Oh," I repeated. "Um. I'm fine."

"You sure?"

I shrugged, looking out the window. I hadn't been thinking about my nerves until he brought it up.

"So," he said after a while, "How long have you had that music box?"

I flinched, startled, turning my head sharply to stare at him. "What?"

He frowned, glancing between me and the white line stretching in front of us. "Your music box? I can hear you playing it sometimes."

_Oh. _I looked down to stare at my hands. _Overreaction, Mu. Again. _"Um. Not long."

"Oh."

"It was my mum's."

"Oh. _Oh. _Crap. Sorry, Mu, I didn't think..."

"It's alright," I mumbled. "I'll get used to it sometime."

Scenery rolled by in blurs of green and brown and paddock until we reached Forks. I gazed at the uniform little houses, giving Jacob the directions that Larry had given me.

We pulled up outside her house. I stilled for a moment, breathing in the comforting leather-and-Jacob smell.

"Mu."

I glanced at Jacob. His gaze was trained on his hands, two and ten on the wheel.

"My mom died too," he said to the wheel. "It was a long time ago, so long ago that I can't even remember what she looked like without a photo there to help me out. I was just a kid. But I still expect to see her sometimes, on the couch, reading some book or just talking to Dad. I know it's weird."

"Um..."

"What I'm trying to say," he said, turning to lock eyes with me, "is that it's _okay_ to be weird about it, because I'm living proof that you might never get used to the idea of not having your mom around. So you never need to feel like you should cover up that you're sad around me._ I get it."_

I fled.

*.*.*

"So," Larry said conversationally as we straightened our hair, "Are you going to kiss Sid?"

I snorted. "I've only talked to him like five times. Of course I'm not going to kiss him."

"He likes you."

"So?"

"He walks you to Homeroom every morning."

"So?"

"So..." she ran her brush through her long, red hair. "You think he does that to everyone?"

"I don't care," I said. "If he wants to kiss me, he's going to have to wait a while."

"He'll wait," she said confidently. "You're the first bit of fresh meat Forks has had for three years."

I set down the straightener and switched it off. "You make me feel so special."

"You're welcome. So..."

I sighed. This was beginning to get irritating. "Yes?"

"Do you think Embry will come?"

"I didn't think he got invited."

"He did."

"He knows Mac?"

"No," she said, eyes fixed on her reflection. "But I invited him."

"When?"

"When I saw him at the grocery store," she replied.

I raised my eyebrows. "Love over a quart of milk?"

"Shut up, asshole."

I shut up and started outlining my eyes with kohl.

"But seriously," Larry said after a few seconds, "do you think he'll come?"

"I don't know."

But I did know. I knew from the stupid smile on Embry's face whenever he heard Larry's name that he would come.

"You like him," I stated.

She shrugged. "He's smokin'."

"You're not that shallow, are you?"

Larry shrugged again. "I don't know. There's just... something about him. I've only met him a few times but I really, really want to kiss him."

"That's called lust," I said dryly.

"Asshole," she repeated, blushing. "But you have to admit, he's gorgeous."

"Mmm," I said. "I think it'll look like he's kidnapping you. He's huge."

"I like that," she said. "Most of the time I'm taller than boys. It'll be nice to feel... small."

"Like a child?"

She glared at me in the mirror. "Who is Rum-Eyed Boy?"

I paused in my careful application. "What?"

Larry grinned triumphantly. "Ha! You _do _like someone!"

"Do not," I retorted.

"But if I recall," she continued, as if I hadn't spoken, "Sid's eyes are green."

"Hazel," I corrected. "And where did you hear about Rum-Eyed Boy?"

"You left your notebook in English the other day," she said nonchalantly. "I took a peek. You've written a lot about him."

"He's... interesting to write about."

"He sounds like an ass," she said.

I laughed. "He kind of is. But I have a theory that he never used to be."

"What do you mean?"

I leaned forward to continue my makeup, sighing. "His broken shards lie at my feet, waiting. I cannot move for fear of pain. I stare at the mess, and I see myself."

"Deep," she commented. "What does that mean?"

"Something broke him," I said simply. "And he seems to want me to put him back together. But I can't."

"You said you see yourself," she said. "Are you broken too?"

"I'm mending myself," I replied. "He's given up."

"What broke you? If you don't mind me asking."

"My mum," I said.

"What'd she do?"

"She died."

"I'm sorry."

I stood back to check my handiwork. "Don't be. So, do you think flats or heels?"

"Flats," she said decisively. "It's outside."

"What if it rains?"

Larry snorted. "Get drunk fast, then you won't care."

"I'm not meant to be drinking."

"Are you on meds?"

"No, it's just that Uncle Billy said..."

She glanced at me again. "Mu, you're staying at my house. If you want to drink, you can. Your uncle won't see you until tomorrow afternoon at least, right? So just drink heaps of water before you go to bed, and you'll be fine."

"I don't have any alcohol," I mumbled.

"Mac always supplies some," she said dismissively. "And plus, I have vodka we can mix."

"Badass."

"That's me." She pouted at her reflection. "What do you think? Does this scream, '_Embry, kiss me now!_'?"

"Do you want him to pash your face off?"

"I don't know," she groaned, suddenly looking nervous. "I mean, I do, but what if he doesn't want to? And what if he's a bad kisser? What if he doesn't come?"

"He'll come," I assured her. "He asked about you today."

"Really?" Her face lit up. "What did he say?"

"He asked how you were."

"What did you say?"

"I said you were fine."

She groaned again. "Mu! You should've made me sound more exciting!"

I quirked my eyebrows again. "I'm sorry. I'll be sure to mention your penchant for shark wrestling next time."

"Whatever. Are you read to go?"

"Sure," I drawled, running my fingers through my hair. It really was getting long.

"Your hair is so nice," Larry said enviously. "My hair's too stressed to grow that long. Plus, it'd make a massive bun when I do it for ballet."

"Thanks," I replied absently. "Flats, you say?"

"Yep. And a jacket. It's going to be freezing."

"That's so weird," I mumbled, shaking my head as I exited Larry's enormous bathroom.

"What is?" she called, pouting at herself and picking up a tube of lipstick.

"It's coming into winter."

"And?"

"And it's September!"

"So?"

"So..." I snatched up my puffer jacket and marched back into the bathroom to see how it looked. "I'm from the other side of the equator. Heading into December is when it gets _warm._"

Larry rolled her eyes. "Oh, how crap, you get to experience a white Christmas like every other normal kid."

"I go to the _beach _on Christmas Day," I protested. "Do you know how depressing that's going to be when the beach is covered in snow?"

She shrugged. "I like the snow."

"I've never seen it."

"Weirdo."

"Larielle," her dad called from the door of her bedroom, "Are you ready yet?"

"Five minutes!" she yelled back, nearly deafening me.

I blinked and rubbed my ear pointedly.

"You can't wear that," she said.

"You said it was going to be freezing. Hence the jacket."

"I meant a _stylish _jacket." She flounced over to her enormous closet, walking in and rummaging through.

Larry's room was just a tad different from mine.

"Here," she said, her voice muffled. She emerged and tossed something black at me.

The scent of leather wafted up, and I realised that it was a bomber jacket. The leather was soft and supple under my hands. I shedded my puffer jacket and slid into the leather one.

"That's better," Larry said approvingly.

*.*.*.*

I regretted conceding to Larry's jacket demands as soon as we stepped out of the car. It was _freezing._

"Don't drink too much," her dad instructed her. "You can't have a hangover when your mom gets back."

"She's coming back late," Larry protested. "She won't even see me hungover!"

"Larielle..."

"Okay!" she interrupted, flashing him a grin through the wound-down window. "Love you, Daddy."

"Love you too, sweetie. Take care of your friend."

"Okay."

"And yourself."

"I will."

"And have fun."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm leaving now, Daddy, I suggest you do the same." She linked her arm through mine and dragged me towards the party. "So, have you ever been to a party in the woods before?"

"No."

"You're in for a treat," she promised. "It's so creepy when you get away from the music."

"I thought the party was at his house?"

She laughed. "That's what the parentals think. But seriously, do you see any partying here?"

I looked around and shook my head. "So, what, they just go into the woods? How do they have any music?"

"Cars," Larry explained. "Mac's truck has a huge amp on the back."

_Oh. _

She squinted through the trees as we passed into the woods behind Mac's house. "I can hear it, but I can't see it yet... you?"

"Um. No."

"Keep walking, amigo," said a familiar voice, and I looked to my side with surprise to see that Nate had materialised.

"Where's Tom?" I asked, distangling my arm from Larry's to look around.

"Right here!" Tom said cheerfully from behind me, grabbing me around the waist and lifting me.

I squealed, freezing for fear of him dropping me. "Tom! Put me down!"

"I quite like you at this height," he said conversationally, turning us to face Nate. "What do you think?"

"Effective battle armour," Nate remarked.

"Do you realise what this means, dear Nathaniel?"

"What would that be, dear Thomas?"

"I won't have to beat girls off of me with a stick anymore, Mu will do it for me!" He squeezed me tight enough for me to squeak again, then set me down. "Mu, I think you need to take tips from Larry."

I scowled at him. "What?"

"Allow me to demonstrate," he said, then turned to Larry and bowed graciously. "May I have the honour of this dance?"

She curtsied, mocking and graceful at the same time. "Of course."

And then she took several quick steps towards him before leaping. He caught her and spun her around, somehow ending up with her on his shoulders, assuming a regal pose before dissolving into giggles.

"Ta-da!" he sang out, doing jazz hands.

"Don't be too impressed," Nate stage-whispered. "They practised that a lot."

"You can put me down now, Tom," Larry said.

Tom dropped to his knees, allowing Larry to disembark. He straightened and frowned at me and Nate. "Enough hijinks, you two. We have a party to attend! Milady?" he extended his arm to Larry, ever the gallant gentleman, and they both marched ahead.

"Come on," Nate said, crouching down. "I'll give you a piggy back, and we'll sprint past them."

I clambered on, giggling in his ear. I particularly like the part of this plan that didn't require any effort from me.

"Three, two, one... BREAK!" Nate yelled, surging forward. I jiggled around on his back, clinging on desperately to his shoulders as I tried to breath through my laughter. Tom and Larry shouted after us, and I looked back to see them not far behind, Larry now on Tom's back shouting directions and pointing at us.

"Go, Nate!" I cried, spying lights through the trees. "We're nearly there!"

"Good!" he replied breathlessly, "Because I'm nearly - SHIT!"

We tumbled down into the needles and grass. I couldn't stop laughing, rolling off of Tom and groaning as my aches and pains from the fall shot through my limbs.

"Losers!" Tom called as he and Larry staggered past, navigating around us.

"Are you okay?" Nate asked between curse words.

"Yep." I sat up and started running my hands through my hair to get the pine needles out.

"Good," he said, "Because I feel like I just got completely squashed."

"Baby," I said.

"My God!" he shouted, startling me.

"Um. What?" I asked nervously.

He sat up too. "You're _teasing _me! Mu, this is enormous! I was beginning to think you were too shy to have fun!"

I shoved him back into the ground and got up before he could repay the favour, brushing myself off. "Come on, you idiot."

"Mu!" he called after me, grabbing my arm. "I know we just met, but I need a wingman that _isn't _Tom, because as soon as he realises I like someone he pretends to be me the moment my back is turned and makes me out to be an asshole."

"Um. Harsh," I commented. "What do I have to do?"

"Keep Tom away," he said, "And give me advice on this one girl I've had my eye on for a while."

The one girl turned out to be a pretty redhead that I recognised from Gym. She served lethal spikes in volleyball. I tried to be on her team whenever the opportunity arose.

"What should I do?" he demanded.

I glanced at him, incredulous. "Um. Go say hello?"

"Brilliant," he said. "Come with me."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because," I said slowly, "If I go with you, she'll assume I'm _with you._ Understand?"

"Oh. _Oh." _He glanced over at her again, then back at me. "That's genius. You're genius. I'm going to go and say hi."

"Don't take too long," I begged. "I don't know anyone here."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," he said cryptically, then boosted over to Red before I could question him.

"Mu!"

I turned and saw Sid coming towards me, smiling. _Please don't let Llana be here, please God, don't let Llana Stanley be at this party.._

He held a bottle out to me.

I shook my head. "I'm not drinking."

"Neither. Read the label."

In the meagre light provided by the headlights of three parked trucks through the trees, I saw that it was grapefruit juice. _Oh._

"Thanks," I said, feeling stupid. "So, why aren't you drinking?"

He shrugged. "I don't like alcohol. You?"

"My uncle doesn't like alcohol."

"Fair enough. Cheers." He touched his bottle to mine. "Did your friends run off?"

"Pretty much," I said. "I was drafted into being Nate's wingman, and I haven't seen Larry since she won the piggy back race."

"Should I ask?"

I shook my head, smiling. "Trust me, it's really not that interesting."

"Okay. So..." he was suddenly focusing very hard on his bottle. "You're not here with some guy then?"

"Would it matter if I was?"

"Are you?"

I studied him for a moment, realising that he was nervous. "No. I'm not."

He smiled at me. "That's a relief."

"Why?"

"Because," he said, tossing what I realised to be an empty bottle into a nearby empty oildrum - which by the noise it made already held several bottles - and holding his hand out to me, "I think you're great, and I was wondering if you wanted to dance."

I bit my lip worriedly, then squished my uncomfortable feelings down. Tonight was about fun, not worries. "Sure," I acquiesced, taking his hand. He laced his fingers through mine and gave them a quick squeeze before leading me towards where a mass of people were moving to the music.

_Shouldn't have done that... Now what? _I fought to keep my expression bright as we got closer.

But he didn't grab me and try to grind on me like everyone else seemed to be doing. He placed my hands loosely around his neck and placed his own on my waist, and we moved, awkwardly at first until we knew each other's height and feel, to the music.

I focused on the collar of his shirt, which was near enough to eye level. I could feel him smiling at me, looking away, looking back.

Eventually, I raised my eyes to smile back at him, because I appreciated that he was letting me do this on my own terms. I slid my arms more securely around his neck. He slid his arms around my waist, loose enough for me to escape if I wanted, until we were pressed together. Moving together.

I began to wonder if he was a good kisser.

And then I mentally slapped myself for being stupid. I was _not _going to kiss _anyone _tonight.

Someone ripped me out of Sid's grasp, and I stumbled back into a broader chest.

"Seth?" I cried, confused as to why he was here, now, looking furious. "What are you doing?"

"What am _I _doing?" he shouted. "What is _he _doing! He had his hands all over you!"

And then I got angry too. "So? He had permission! We were dancing!"

"He had... he..." Seth began shaking, and all of a sudden Embry appeared and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry, Mu!" he yelled apologetically over the noise, and then he was dragging Seth away.

I jumped when another arm slid around my waist, but it was just Sid again. I relaxed.

He bent down to speak in my ear, wrapping his other arm around me for good measure. "Who was he?"

"One of Jacob's friends," I replied.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"No! No, he's... I've only met him, like, twice."

"That's good," he said. "Do you want another drink?"

My own drink had long since been drunk and dropped into the gloomy forest floor, so we walked over to one of the trucks, which was apparently Sid's. It looked blue, but i wasn't sure in the dim light. He unlocked it and grabbed out four bottles, handing two to me and keeping the remaining two for himself.

"I feel bad," I said, tiptoeing to speak in his ear so he could hear me as he locked the car again. "I'm pretty much stealing your drinks."

He smiled. "I've still got a four pack of ginger beer left. I think I'll live."

"Badass."

"You know it." Sid looked at the dancing, then back at me. "Hey, do you want me to help you find your friends? They probably think you've been kidnapped."

I considered this. "Well, I spy Nate with his redhead on the dancefloor, and I'm pretty sure if Embry's here, Larry will be busy, which leaves Tom..."

"Screw Tom," he said with a grin. "Come dance."

I eyed the dancefloor, still unsettled by Seth's sudden appearance. "Um. Actually, can we go and find Larry?"

"Sure." And there it was again, the arm snug around my waist. "I think I saw her over by Casey's truck."

*.*.*.*

Larry wiggled her eyebrows at me as we approached. I stepped out of Sid's hold, embarrassed.

"I'm just going to hang with Larry for a bit," I told him, feeling guilty for brushing him off.

He nodded, smiling again. "I'll find you when I crack open the ginger beer. It'll be a real party then."

As he walked away, Larry snatched one of the bottles out of my hand and inspected it.

_"Non alcoholic!" _she screeched, looking offended. "Mu! No! We're having _fun, _remember?"

"Sid doesn't drink," I explained.

_"Oh..." _she said with entirely too much emphasis. "So you're trying to impress him, is that it?"

"No! I didn't want to drink anyway!"

"You're a teenage girl, Mu, that excuse won't fly!"

I frowned. "I'm not trying to impress Sid by not drinking."

"Good!" she said cheerfully, producing what appeared to be a hip flask. "Because I'm spiking your drink."

"Did you see Embry?" I asked her, handing over my bottle in resignation.

She almost dropped her flask. "He's here?"

"Him and Seth."

"Who?"

"Rum-Eyed Boy."

"Oh..." she stuck her tongue out in concentration as she poured, and I began to suspect that she had already had a few nips herself. "Well, I don't really care about him. Seth. I just wish Embry had come over to me."

"He was kind of busy stopping Seth from attacking Sid..."

Larry nearly dropped her flask again. She hastily screwed on the lid and shoved my bottle back at me. "What did you just say?"

"Um..." I took a swig, noting the subtle warmth of the vodka. "Embry stopped Seth from attacking Sid."

"Where? _When?"_

"On the dance floor... when we were dancing..."

"You were dancing with Sid?"

I nodded, finding my bottle fascinating.

Larry laughed. "Man, that Seth guy must like you bad if he strolled on into a Forks party and tried to break you and Sid apart!"

"I barely know-"

"Barely know him, got it," she said dismissively. She glanced past me and her face lit up. "Oh, sweet Jesus, here comes my future husband."

I turned to see Embry weaving his way through the crowd towards us. He came to stop in front of Larry.

"Hey, Larry," he said, smiling his goofy smile.

"Hey," she said.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure!" she practically shouted, then giggled nervously. "Um. Yeah. Sure."

"Cool," he said, looking relieved. He guided her away with one hand protectively at the small of her back.

It was then that I realised I was alone. Again. Excellent.

I started back to the party. I was still freezing, and Larry had managed to make me slosh my drink all over my arm in her excitement.

Larry and Embry were sitting on the ground, legs tangled, her arm still tucked in his. She was talking and gesturing animatedly with her free hand, and I could see that he was listening intently. I looked away and scanned the crowd through the trees for people I knew.

Someone slammed into me from behind. My bottle, now mostly empty, went sailing away into the dark and I faceplanted after it. Groaning, I rolled over and looked up to see Llana Stanley and Jade standing over me.

Llana delicately placed one shoe on my stomach and pressed as she leaned in.

"Listen," she said, "and listen good. I saw you dancing with Sid before, you _slut. _Keep your grubby hands off him."

"Um..."

"I will ruin you," she added, cutting me off. "I've been here longer, I'm prettier, and I have way more influence than a bug like you. Don't. Mess. With. Me."

But I wasn't, was I? She was the one pinning me to the forest floor.

She raised her foot and stomped, hard, on my stomach. The air whooshed out of me and Llana Stanley was gone with a swish of hair and another hissed threat. I curled up in a ball tried frantically to suck in cold air through my teeth but that only made it worse, so I forced myself to take slow breaths, as deep as possible, until I could relax a bit more.

"Mu. Mu!"

I made myself sit up, wincing, as Seth came striding towards me. He dropped to his knees beside me.

"Are you alright? What happened? Was it that jackass? _What did he do to you?"_

I shook my head. "The correct pronoun would be _she, _as in _she _stomped on my stomach."

"A _girl _did this to you?" he repeated, sounding slightly put out. "I was really hoping it was that jackass, so I could go beat the crap out of him."

"He's not a jackass," I said. "He's nice. And his name is Sid."

"Do you like him?"

I stood up, dusting myself off. "Um. That's not any of your business."

"Does he like you?"

"Does that matter if I don't like him?"

"So you don't?"

I sighed. "I don't know. Why do you care?"

"I care about you."

"Why?"

"Why?" he repeated, frowning. "It's complicated."

"So simplify it."

"We're meant to be in each other's lives."

I snorted.

He looked put out. "Hey! I'm not being an ass, or trying to get your ass, I'm saying that I genuinely _know _we are meant to... know each other. I'm meant to know you."

"Do you tell futures to everyone, Madam Seth?"

Seth stepped closer and placed one large, warm hand on my shoulder, looking me square in the eye. "Mu, I swear I'm not joking. I want to get to know you. As your friend, your boyfriend, your brother, whatever, I'll do it."

"Um," I said, trying not to notice how nice he smelled, "Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Because...?"

"Just because."

I frowned. "That's not a satisfying answer."

He shrugged. "I can't explain it yet."

How could I say yes? How could I say no?

I wasn't really in a position to be fussy about my friends.

"Um, okay," I said. "You can be in my life. But you're not my boyfriend. Or my brother."

He stepped back again, dropping his hand. "Friend?"

"We'll see." I turned to leave again, then paused and looked over my shoulder. "And by the way, Seth, you were already in my life. You just didn't know it."

"What do you mean?"

"Um," I shrugged, feeling awkward now at my admission. "I write. Sometimes about me. Sometimes about you."

"Together?"

"No," I said. "Definitely not together."

*.*.*.*

"There you are," Sid said in my ear, making me jump.

I turned to him wide-eyed. "Don't do that!"

He grinned at me. "I had to punish you for vanishing without a trace."

I opened my mouth to answer him, but Llana Stanley arrived with a high-pitched squeal, draping herself around him. "Sid! Come on! Taylor has tequila!"

"I don't drink," he said, frowning.

"Then come and watch me!" she sang, throwing him a dazzling smile.

"Llana," he said, looking amused, "You're a messy drunk."

"A _hot_ mess," she said, looking at him coyly before bursting out into giggles again. "Come _on, _ditch the noob and come party!"

"Naw," he said, shaking his head, "Mu's the only other sober person here, I think I'll stick with my kindred spirit." And he stepped away from Llana Stanley to wind his arm around my waist again.

Whether I liked him or not, I certainly liked the look on Llana Stanley's face.

"Oh," she said, her mask forming again into a pretty smile. "How nice of you! But seriously," she leaned in and stage-whispered to Seth, "You don't have to hang out with her just because she doesn't have any friends..."

Sid laughed. "Shut up, you mess, go have your tequila shots."

And in the glare Llana Stanley sent me before she turned and sashayed off, I realised that she hadn't been drunk at all.

"Sorry about her," Sid said, "She's just a mean drunk."

Oh, Sid, don't you think I know exactly how mean Llana Stanley is?

"So," he said, "I really want to take you out sometime."

"Um. What?"

"On a date," he said. "Spend some time together. I like you, Mu."

"You don't even know me," I pointed out.

"Which is why I want to spend some time getting to know you," he said. "What do you say?"

"Um..."

"Cinderella!" Tom shouted, running up and snatching me from Sid. "The hour is nigh, your carriage has arrived! Don't be a pumpkin!"

"Bye!" I called guiltily over my shoulder to Sid as he dragged me away.

Sid waved.

"Tom, stop dragging me!" I demanded, trying not to trip over the unseen forest floor. "I can walk!"

"Larry said to get you to the carriage, Cinderella!"

"How much have you had to drink?"

He grinned lopsidedly, slowing down. "A bit. Anyway, Larry's sick, so Natey-Nate called her dad."

"Oh."

Larry really did look miserable by the time we got to her. She was sitting on the curb, leaning against Nate while he rubbed her back soothingly. I wondered what had happened to his redhead.

"Thomas, old bean," Nate said when he saw us, "I think I might be done with this party."

"Didn't get lucky with the ranga, then?"

"How did you..." he began, then sighed. "No, she has a boyfriend in Seattle."

"Can we focus on me being sick?" Larry moaned, her voice muffled by Nate's shoulder.

"Don't worry, darling, the spotlight's on you," he assured her, shifting so that she was more comfortably settled. "Everyone will be talking about you and that guy from the reserve on Monday."

I started, then realised that he was still talking to Larry. What had happened between her and Embry?

"Uuungh," Larry said.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Larry was trying to get away from him and I tried to help Larry," Nate explained glumly. "I'm going to have a black eye for school."

"Oh, shit," I said, noticing for the first time the way his eye was puffy in the orange streetlight. "Did Embry do that?"

"He didn't mean it," Larry said quietly. "It was an accident. He didn't even see Nate."

"He punched me in the face, Larry!" Nate exploded, furious. "Of course he fucking saw me!"

She shook her head, but didn't bother protesting further.

I frowned. The Embry I knew was more goofy than anything else. He certainly wasn't angry. What wasn't Larry telling us?

Headlights illuminated us where we sat, and the thrum of Larry's dad's truck grew louder. He pulled up in front of us. Nate stood, carefully pulling Larry up with him. She stepped out of his hold and grabbed on to me, her breath quick beside my ear as if she was trying not to cry.

What had Embry done?

I let her hold my hand tightly on the way back to her house and valiantly fended off questions from her dad.

"Goodnight girls!" he told us cheerfully when we got inside, leaving me to get Larry up the stairs to her room. I towed her behind me. She wasn't wasted, I had decided, just shocked and scared.

It wasn't until we were lying in the dark that I asked her again what had happened.

"He knew," she said softly.

"Knew what?"

"Me," she said. "He knew what I'd done."

I stilled, then turned slowly to face the vague outline of her bed. "Larry," I said, "What did you do?"

"You can't tell anyone, Mu," she said urgently. "If anyone, _anyone, _finds out, I'm ruined. My parents will make me stop dancing."

"I won't," I promised somewhat nervously.

There was a click as she switched her bedside lamp on, and then she was pulling up her shirt to show me her ribs. They were covered with lines.

No, not lines. Cuts.

"I don't do it deep," she said, her voice breaking. "But he... he _knew."_

I swallowed, trying not to panic. "Larry, how long have you been cutting yourself?"

She dropped her shirt back down so it covered her stomach with baggy cotton folds again. "Since I was twelve," she admitted brokenly. And then she started to cry. "W-what am I going t-to do?" she gasped, choking back her sobs. I wriggled out of my sleeping bag and approached her cautiously, sitting beside her.

"You're going to stop," I said firmly. "You're going to stop cutting yourself."

"I've t-_tried!" _she wailed. "I'm a _freak! _Embry's going to _hate _me!"

I shook my head. "Embry likes you, trust me. Why do you think he's been driving me to school so much?"

"He can't," she said, "He doesn't. He was so _angry _at me. He hates me."

And because I couldn't think of anything to say, because I'd only known this girl a week, because I still didn't really know what had happened between her and Embry and how he had found the cuts on her torso, I rubbed her back and said soothing nonsense until she had calmed down enough to go to sleep.

I lay awake long after.


	3. Chapter 3

**Enjoy the fruit of my labours.**

*.*.*.*

Larry stayed in bed the next day, complaining of a headache.

"I told you not to drink too much," her dad admonished, looking somewhat amused despite the fact that he was meant to be telling her off. "I guess you'll learn, though. You need to be up by this afternoon. Mom's taking you to ballet at four."

"I can take myself," she mumbled.

"Not in that state you can't," he said. "Don't be difficult, Larry. Eleanor, breakfast is on the table if you want it."

"That's okay," I said quietly. "My cousin's coming to get me soon, thanks."

He shrugged and walked away down the hall, muttering to himself about wasting food.

Larry turned her face slowly towards me, and I saw that her eyes were raw from crying.

"Please," she begged softly, "please, don't tell anyone."

"Larry..."

"No!" she interrupted, looking and sounding as though she was about to burst into tears again. "No, listen Mu! I'm fine. I'm _so _fine. You don't need to even... even _think _about what I told you, because it's _so _not an issue, okay? Okay, Mu? Okay?"

A lead weight settled in my stomach as I nodded slowly.

Larry visibly crumbled in relief. "Thank you, Mu," she whispered gratefully. "You have no idea... if anyone found out... they'd make me give up ballet... and I don't know how to do anything else..."

"It's okay, Larry," I said automatically, even though it was clearly anything but okay. I had just agreed to keep the fact that my friend cut herself a secret. I took a breath and asked the question that had been playing through my mind the last few hours - "Larry, how did Embry find out?"

Her eyes dropped, and she started sniffling again. "I'm stupid, that's how."

I waited a full ten minutes in her still room, watching dust motes and thinking about my own stupidity last night, before she spoke again.

"He kissed me," she said, then snorted and smiled. "That's a lie, I kissed him, but he kissed me back. I couldn't help it. He was just so beautiful, and he was listening to me... really listening, like he actually _cared _about my dumb ballet recitals - I was such an idiot I couldn't even come up with good conversation topics. And I just really, really wanted to kiss him and... I don't know... make him _mine _somehow. So I did. And then we were really close, and I put my hands up his shirt... he had gorgeous muscles... and he did the same... and then..."

Frowning, I wondered if I really _wanted _to know what had happened next.

"I flinched," she said softly, "and he stopped, and then I told him it was okay, it was just a little sore because I'd fallen when I was practising, but then he started tracing them and he looked at me and he _knew, _Mu, he knew I was lying, and he asked me what they were and I lied again and... and..." she was crying again now. My heart twinged for her, because she seemed so lost right after she had been found.

I crawled over to the bed and sat on the floor beside it, my chin on the mattress, my hand on her shoulder, offering comfort where I could.

"He was so _angry," _Larry sobbed. "So I tried to leave, and then he grabbed me, and then Nate got in the way. I'm so _stupid."_

"You're not stupid," I said. "Embry is stupid."

"No!" she cried, glaring at me. "He's beautiful. _I _screwed it up. He hates me."

"You just met him," I said. "He has a whole lot of you to get to know. He can't hate you if he doesn't know you."

"You just met Seth," she said.

"And?"

"And he looked at you like you were everything."

I snorted uneasily. "Sure, Larry. You were like twenty metres away and you could see all of that."

"Yeah," she said, "I could."

*.*.*.*

_He looked at you like you were everything._

I wrote the words carefully onto a piece of notepaper. Right in the center. Stark, black ink, standing out against the faded blue lines. _Everything. _It was funny, because that was how I would have described Embry around Larry.

There was a knock on my bedroom door and I looked up to see Jacob standing there.

"Seth's here," he said. "He said to ask you if you wanted to go to the beach."

I looked outside. "Um. It's raining."

"So?"

_Breathe, Mu. Life is for living. _I snapped the notebook shut and stood. _Give people the chance to be your friends. _"Sure, whatever. But I'm not swimming."

He grinned. "Don't leave electronics in your pocket. They might get wet. From the rain and all." And then he was gone.

I chucked my phone on the bed and ran a hand through my hair, which was still relatively straight from last night. The feel of it brought back memories of dancing with Sid. I hastily tied it in a bun.

Seth was standing on the porch, already sodden. He turned when my steps creaked on the wooden floor and smiled. It was a sunburst of a smile, brightening his entire face.

"Hey," he said, shuffling around so that I could stand under the protection of the jutting tin roof.

I squinted at the rain. "Um. Why the beach?"

"It'll be fun," he promised, then looked down at my scuffed canvas shoes and frowned. "Um. The track from here's kind of slippery. Do you want a piggy back?"

"From here?" I said doubtfully. Surely, I would squish the boy before he got halfway. "Um You sure?"

He turned and crouched. "Jump on."

I clambered onto his back, clinging tight as he rose to his full height - which I suddenly realised was much greater than mine, as the ground receeded. I squeaked and locked my legs around his torso more securely.

"I'm not going to drop you," he promised, sounding amused.

I scowled into his shorn head. "Better not."

My God, he was warm. I relaxed after I got used to his gait, leaning my chin on his shoulder and closing my eyes to focus on his warmth rather than the rain that was saturating my back.

"Why are you taking me to the beach, Seth?" I asked again.

"Because it'll be fun," he repeated.

"No," I said, "I mean it. Why did you show up at my house?"

He shrugged, the movement making me panic and clutch at him again. "I wanted to hang out with you. You said I could be in your life. So I'm trying to be your friend."

"Oh," I said. "Okay."

"Is it?"

"Um, yeah," I mumbled.

We carried on in silence.

"How's Larry?" he asked presently.

The question took me by surprise. I blinked a few times before answering. "She's fine," I said cautiously.

He snorted. "You and I both know that that's a lie."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied.

"You're an awful liar."

"I am not."

"You hitch your breath before you lie," he said. "You did it last night at the party, and you're doing it now."

I frowned. "What did I lie about at the party?"

"You'll figure it out," he promised. "Now that we've established that you're a liar, tell me the truth about Larry."

I started wriggling around on his back until he was forced to let me go or drop me, striding away from him and back down the track towards the house. Hot fingers closed around my wrist, yanking me back, and large hands steadied my hips as I nearly slipped on the muddy ground.

"Let me go," I said firmly, trying to step out of his hold, but his hands slid around to my lower back and held me firmly in place. I shoved at his chest and succeeded only in overbalancing again.

He steadied me. Again. "Mu," he said, "I'm not asking because I want you to betray some friendship bond you have with Larry. I'm asking because Embry is driving me insane with his worrying and I want to make him stop."

"She's fine," I repeated determinedly.

"You did it again," he pointed out. "Please. Just help me out here. Is she mad at Embry?"

I blinked, astonished. That's what Embry was worried about? "Um," I said, "She think's he's mad at her."

"Really?" Seth snorted again. "He'd never be angry at her."

_Everything. _I grabbed Seth's hands from my hips and tried to get rid of his hold, but he just grasped my wrists instead and I was still his prisoner.

"You're going to have to let me go eventually," I said.

He smiled somewhat mockingly. "You think so?" But his grip on me relaxed until he was just holding my hands loosely, larger fingers entwined with mine. I looked down and noted that he was a few shades darker than me, but not much.

"Larry's scared," I found myself saying softly, hating that I was sharing it. "She thinks that Embry hates her. She thinks she's a freak."

"Larry's stupid," he commented. "If anyone's a freak, it's Embry. Trust me. He'll be so relieved. Probably won't make him shut up about her though."

I looked back up at him curiously. "Why?"

"He likes her," Seth said, "Like how that Sid guy likes you, but way more and way better."

I flushed and pulled my hands out of his. "Sid _doesn't_ like me."

Seth scoffed. "He _told _you he does. He _asked you on a date."_

"How do you know he did any of that?" I demanded, startled.

"Doesn't matter," he said brusquely. "Do you like him?"

"Doesn't matter," I mocked.

He frowned. "Are you going to say yes to him?"

I sighed, slumping slightly, and averted my gaze. "No. I've only known him for a week. That'd be crazy."

"You agreed to come to the beach with me and you've only met me a handful of times. Is that crazy?"

"This isn't a date," I pointed out. "It's different. You're different."

"How?"

"You don't walk me to Homeroom every morning," I said. "You didn't give me your apple pie on Thursday because by the time I got there, none were left. You're just a boy I met who hangs out with my cousin."

"That could change."

"Or it could stay the same."

Seth reached for me again, engulfing one of my hands with his own. "Come on. We're going to the beach."

I allowed myself to be tugged along, frowning. When we got to tricky patches, Seth guided me around them or picked me up and lifted me over before I could form a protest. At last, the trees thinned.

I halted. Seth stopped when he felt the tug that meant I wasn't following anymore.

"This isn't the beach," I said.

"I know," he said. "But would you have come to the cliffs otherwise? Jake said you were scared of heights."

"For good reason," I whined, chewing my lip worriedly and trying to step back, but he was already there, one hand on the small of my back, pushing me forwards.

"It's good to face fear," he assured me.

"I hate you," I mumbled half-heartedly, despite the fact that I was gravitating towards him as the edge grew nearer.

He flinched, faltering in his step for a second. I took advantage of his hesitation and spun out of his grip to run back towards the trees, but he'd caught me around the waist before I'd gone two steps.

"Let me go!" I repeated angrily, "I don't want to face bloody fear!"

"Okay." He removed his arms so suddenly that I almost stumbled, catching myself just in time.

I glared at him.

"Mu," he said, "you can either run away from everything that frightens you, or you can trust that I will be there to get you through it." And then he held out his hand, palm up. An offering. His eyes met mine steadily, daring me to stay, daring me to leave.

"I'm scared of a lot of things," I told him, frowning.

He stayed where he was.

Sighing, I placed my hand in his. He gave me another sunburst smile and began to lead me towards the edge again, never once taking his eyes off mine. I tried to peer at the cliff, but every time I did he would squeeze my hand and direct my attention back to him.

And then we were there.

My breathing quickened. I panicked and squeezed my eyes shut, reaching out with my other hand and clutching a fistful of Seth's sodden shirt. He let go of my hand - I whimpered - and then he was pulling me closer, guiding me to sit down. I moved stiffly, certain that every movement would send me tumbling to my death.

"Open your eyes," he urged.

I shook my head.

"Mu. You chose to do this. Open your eyes."

"I can't."

"You can."

And I did, immediately shutting the again with a hiss as I viewed the crashing ocean below through the haze of rain. "Seth! Why are we here!"

"Because," he said, "it's beautiful. Do you trust me?"

"Not at this moment in time, no."

"You trusted me enough to follow me here. Trust me now."

"No."

He laughed at me, wrapping an arm around my waist. "We're not leaving until you look."

His warmth almost burning my chilled skin. I flinched away from him slightly, my eyes flying open to ensure that I didn't fidget my way off the cliff.

"What's wrong?" Seth demanded.

"Um," I said, "Please don't put your arm around me."

"You let Sid put his arm around you."

"That's different," I repeated. "Please don't put your arm around me."

Reluctantly he released my waist, compromising by resting his hand on the ground right behind me so that my shoulder still touched his chest. I opened my mouth to argue again, then closed it as he sent me a warning look.

I turned my attention to the cliffs again, disturbed by the fact that I was swinging my legs over nothingness on a wet day when slipping meant death. "How is this beautiful?" I asked, trying not to let my voice catch as reality was reinstated.

"You can't see it?" He sounded disappointed.

"Um. No." I couldn't see anything beautiful about sitting on a cliff in the rain with a boy I barely knew when I could be tucked up in my duvet texting my self-harming friend.

"I thought you were supposed to be really observant," he said.

I squinted through the rain. "I'm more of a people observer than a nature observer."

"What was the first thing you observed about me?"

I turned my head to find him watching me almost hungrily, as if whatever I was about to say was the difference between life and death.

"Your eyes," I said finally.

"What about them?"

"They're the colour of rum." I wriggled back from the edge far enough to cross my legs, bumping his arm back in the process.

"Oh," he said, disappointed again.

I studied his profile as he played with a twig by my leg. "They're really clear," I added suddenly. "It's like I can see right through them, but I can't, because I still have no idea who you are."

He met my gaze again. "I'm Seth."

"I'm Mu," I replied automatically, blushing a little at how stupid I sounded.

His mouth curled into a small smile and he offered a slightly muddy hand to me. "It's nice to meet you, Mu."

"Nice to meet you, Seth."

"What's your real name?"

"Eleanor."

"You don't seem like an Eleanor."

"Hence the Mu. What's your favourite word?"

"Pounamu."

His careful pronounciation of the word made me smile. He had been listening to me after all.

"What's yours?" he asked.

"Irridescent. Favourite colour?"

"Green. You?"

"Gold."

"Next question," Seth said, hesitating a moment. Then; "Why am I different from Sid?"

I frowned, trying to think of a quick answer. "Um..."

"No um. Just be honest."

"I don't know," I said truthfully. "You just are."

"Is that a good thing?"

"I don't know."

He turned bodily to face me. "If I'm different from Sid," he said, "Will you go on a date with me?"

I looked down at my hands, nearly purple with cold and clasped on my lap. "No."

"Why?"

"Because," I said, "I don't want to. I don't want to dress up and go somewhere or meet your family or kiss you. That's not why I'm here."

"What if it was?"

"It isn't," I said sharply, glaring at my hands.

Surprisingly, he backed off. "Okay. I just had to know. I won't bug you about it anymore." He picked up my hands and held them within his own, warming them. "You're freezing!"

"That tends to happen when you sit in the rain," I commented dryly.

He opened his arms. "Come on. I'm warm."

I eyed him warily, but he only looked worried, so I shuffled closer and allowed him to wrap his long arms around me. His touch was like the scalding of hot water. I closed my eyes, tense, as warmth suffused me.

"I should've waited for a sunny day," he said, his voice a rumble in my ear.

"Probably," I agreed.

The moment I was warm again I pulled away and shuffled back until I judged it safe to stand.

"Leaving already?" He was practically lounging on the clifftop, one leg dangling, leaning back with his arms bracing him, face upturned and unflinching in the rain. He was gorgeous in the rain, I realised with some dismay.

I stood there awkwardly. "Um. I don't know how to get back. And Jacob told me not to go hiking alone because there were wolves."

"Wolves?" He cracked a smile, amused.

"And bears," I added.

"Sounds scary," he said seriously.

"Don't mock me."

"I'm not." He rose effortlessly, not even looking to see where his feet were because his eyes were locked onto mine the whole time. "I'll take you back if you promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Don't date that Sid guy until you know why it's different with him."

I frowned. "Um. Okay." I wasn't planning to date him anytime soon anyway, but if this way got me home faster, I'd agree to it.

He visibly relaxed. "Cool. So. Um. How's your stomach?"

I glanced down at myself, confused. "What?"

"Where that bitch stomped on you."

Oh. That. "Oh. Fine."

He touched the hem of my shirt, making no move to slide it up, just tapping on the fabric. "Can I see?"

I took a step back. "No."

"Mu." The warning in his voice stopped me from taking another step, freezing me in place. He closed in on me again. "Stop running. I'm not going to rape you, okay? I just want to see for myself that you're alright."

My mouth dropped open, then I blushed and closed it quickly, folding my arms. "I didn't say that," I mumbled.

"You don't need to be scared of me," he said, sincere, eyes urging me to understand. "Okay? I will never hurt you. Ever."

I ducked my head and rolled up my shirt a little so he could see the greenish-brown blotch where Llana Stanley had squished my stomach. He sucked in a breath. His hand slowly came to rest on the blotch, completely covering it, as though he could erase it with will alone. The warmth from his hand sunk in to the tender flesh and soothed it. I breathed out slowly, relaxing.

Yes, it was different with this boy.

"I'm sorry," Seth murmured.

I looked up at him, surprised. "For what?"

"For not getting to you in time to stop her."

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Why would you be sorry about that?"

"She _hurt _you," he replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

I dropped my shirt and stepped away from his hand. "Too late now. It's not your fault anyway."

He wrapped his hand around mine again and started leading the way back. "If it were up to me, you'd never get hurt."

I snorted. "Why am I so special?"

"Because you are."

"But why?"

"Do you want a list?"

"Do you _have_ a list?"

His lips twitched as he looked down at me. "I might."

I swallowed and glanced away. "Never mind, then."

"Scared of what might be on it?"

"More scared of how high a pedestal you'll put me on," I said, forcing a grin. His hand around mine and his intense focus were making my tummy bubble with nerves. I wanted to run away from the feeling. I tried to subtly tug my hand out of his grip unsucessfully.

"I'll catch you if you fall off of it," he promised.

"Would you have jumped after me if I fell off the cliff?"

"It wouldn't have happened."

"But what if-"

_"It wouldn't have happened,"_ he repeated firmly, squeezing my hand briefly, reassuringly. "Trust me."

I did. And that was the problem. I had known Seth all of, what, a week? And I somehow believed him when he said I wouldn't have fallen off. No one can guarantee that kind of thing.

I kept my mouth shut after that.

He let go of my hand as the little Black house came into view.

"I'll see you soon," he promised. His arms twitched, and he abruptly turned and left.

"Bye," I called, mystified by his odd departure, as he was swallowed by trees.

Words itched under my skin.

*.*.*

Embry drove me to school on Monday. He wasn't his usual easy self, his large hands tighter on the wheel, his foot heavier on the accelerator. I watched the scenery whizz by and mentally thanked whoever invented seatbelts.

As I was preparing to get out of the car, he cleared his throat. I looked at him questioningly.

"Seth told me..." he said, hesitantly, "that Larry might not be... angry."

"She's not," I said, then corrected myself. "Well. Not with you."

"She blames herself."

"Yeah."

"It's my fault."

"It's no one's fault." I looked up and saw her hovering around the gate, looking uncertain and terribly nervous as she watched me in the car. "Go talk to her. Ask her out. She'd love it."

"She likes me?"

I rolled my eyes and opened my door. "No, she kissed you because she finds you repulsive."

"You're mean," he accused, but he sounded a lot happier beneath the fake hurt. "Didn't you just get asked on a date? I hope Larry isn't this moody after I ask her."

I flushed and slammed the door, hunching over to walk quickly to the gates. Bloody Seth.

"Mu!"

Oh, _perfect. _I turned to see Sid approaching me, tucking his keys into the pocket of his jeans. He looked good today. He'd had a haircut and it suited him much better now.

"Hi," I said weakly. I'd been hoping to avoid him until he showed up before homeroom.

"How was the rest of your weekend?"

"Good," I said automatically. "Um. Seth took me to these cliff things. It was scary as."

"Not a fan of heights?"

"No."

"Well..." he said, "I know something you can do that doesn't involve any heights at all."

"What?"

"Come to the movies with me on Friday."

I blinked, hesitating. "Um."

"Doesn't have to be this Friday," he said cheerfully. "Just whenever you're ready. And until then..."

"Until then?" I prompted, fiddling nervously with the hem of my shirt.

"We'll be friends," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Even if you never want to go out on a date with me, I still want to get to know you. You're different. Interesting."

"I'm foreign."

"You're exotic," he corrected. "And you have a nice accent. Even if I know nothing about Moorey."

"Moorey?" I repeated, then cackled as I realised what he was trying to say. "Oh my God, Sid, it's _Maori!"_

"Yeah, well," he said, shuffling his feet in embarrassment. "I told you I know nothing about it."

"Let's start with hello," I said with a soft smile. "Kia ora."

"Key oh-ra."

"Kee. _Kee. Or. A."_

"Kee-orra."

"Now roll the 'r'. Kia ora."

"Kia ora," he repeated, looking pleased that his pronounciation was similar to mine. "Got it."

"Ka pai," I complimented him.

"What does that mean?"

"Good."

"How do you say, you look nice today?"

My cheeks heated and I looked away. "And who would you want to say that to, Llana Stanley?"

"Llana? Why would you say Llana?"

"Because she likes you."

"Yeah, well," he said, "She's liked me since fifth grade, but that doesn't mean anything. Don't let her scare you, she's harmless really."

Harmless. Yeah, right.

"Um..."

"Mu! _Mu!" _I heard Larry shout, and turned to see her striding towards me.

"I'll walk you to homeroom," Sid promised by way of farewell.

"See ya," I answered absently, already trying to decipher what mood Larry would be in when she reached me.

Two seconds later, I knew.

"He likes me, he likes me, he likes me, helikesmehelikesmelikesme _he likes meeeeeeeee!" _Larry sang tunelessly, positively beaming.

I laughed, her happiness contagious. "What happened?"

"He asked me out. He asked me out! We're going on a date! _He has my number!"_

"That's great!" I gushed, knowing it was what she wanted. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know, but we're going on a _daaaaaaaaaaate _and he likes _meeeeeeeeeee!" _She reverted to her singing, practically dancing on the spot. Then she stopped, her expression changing so suddenly that I wondered if she had gone into shock from the joy.

"Mu," she said, "What if it's a pity date?"

"Um. What?"

_"What if Embry just asked me on a fucking pity date?" _she repeated, looking somewhere between heartbroken and hopeful.

"Larry, if he liked you any more than he does now, he'd probably be asking for your hand in marriage, not a few hours from your Friday night."

"You think?"

"Yes."

"Okay." She exhaled, relaxing. "Okay. Good. Sorry. I just... I don't think I could handle that."

"It's not a pity date."

Her cellphone rang, blaring out Drake lyrics. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. She blushed and shrugged in acknowledgement. Then her eyes widened as she took in the screen and she looked at me anxiously.

"It's him."

"Already?" Not the sort to waste time, apparently.

"What do I do?"

I repressed the urge to laugh. She had been so calm and collected before she met Embry. "Um. Answer it?"

She took a deep breath, then pressed the phone to her ear. "Hello? Oh, hi... yeah... yeah... I already said yes! What do you mean?" She giggled, smiling.

The bell rang.

"Larry," I said, jerking my head towards the building.

She waved me ahead, intent on her conversation. I sighed and turned to trudge towards the stairs.

Sid met me just inside, handing me an origami crane. "Just for you."

"Did you make it?"

"Yep. We had to do a project on origami methods in third grade."

"Mean." I studied the crisp folds of notepaper, impressed.

"Mean?"

"Cool," I translated absently, used to my speech patterns being misunderstood. "You should teach me how to do this."

"Sometime," he promised. "What was happening with Larry?"

"She got asked out."

"She seems a bit more enthusiastic about it that you were."

Was this the reaction I was going to get from everyone? I sighed and ignored him, walking a tad faster.

"Sorry," he apologised, lengthening his stride to keep up with me. "I'm not pressuring you. Swear to God."

"I don't believe in God."

"Well, I swear to you then." He loosely grasped my elbow to slow me down a bit. "Hey. Stop running away from me. I won't bite."

"I'm not running."

"Walking very fast, then." He let go of me, satisfied that I wasn't going to sprint off. "Is this going to be your way out whenever you don't like something?"

_Stop running_. Seth had said it, too.

I looked sidelong at Sid. "Um. No."

"Good."

We paused outside my homeroom.

"Bye," I said, adjusting my bag strap so I could reach for the door without dropping my textbooks, which I hadn't had time to put in my locker.

He placed his hand on the doorknob before I could even get halfway through readjusting.

"Thanks," I said gratefully.

"No problem," he said gallantly, opening the door. "See you at lunch, Mu."

"Bye," I mumbled, slipping into the classroom.

*.*.*.*

I got the fright of my life when Seth swung my door open in the middle of my studying for Friday's chemistry exam. I abruptly shut my mouth, embarrassed to have been caught belting out the lyrics along with Adam Levine. The ipod was hurriedly paused.

"Um. Hi."

"Hey," he said, plopping down on my bed without further preamble. "How was school?"

"Um. Good." Shitty.

"Liar."

I frowned. "Stop that."

He smile lopsidedly at me. "Does it bother you that I already know you pretty well?"

I shrugged, unwilling to have him catch me out on another lie if I told him no. "What do you do all day?"

"Help my mom. Help the community. Sleep."

"Sounds thrilling."

"You have no idea," he said, amused. "I'm sure it's more exciting than calculus."

"I don't know," I said, "Calc is pretty damn exciting."

"I'm sure." He turned over to sprawl on his back, watching me upside down. "Hey, do you want to go to Port Angeles this Saturday? I have to buy a suit for my cousin's wedding."

"Why don't you go with your sister?"

He snorted. "We don't get along much at the moment. She's too busy kissing Jake's ass. So, what do you think?"

"Do I want to go to Port Angeles?" I pondered this for a moment. I could get a new school bag while I was there. "Sure."

"Awesome. Do you know anything about suits?"

"No," I said, "I can't say I've ever really had the need for a suit. And I wasn't old enough to go to the school ball at home."

"You mean like prom?"

"Yeah."

"Neither."

"How old are you, anyway?"

"Eighteen. But I feel about a hundred sometimes."

"Why?" I put down my pen and swivelled my chair around, drawing my feet up to sit cross-legged.

He shrugged, which looked slightly ridiculous given his position. "I've been in a different world than most people for a long time now."

I frowned and peered a the whites of his eyes. "You're not high again, are you?"

He laughed. "No. I don't do that anymore."

"Why?"

"No reason."

"Just got sick of it?"

"Something like that," he mumbled, watching the ceiling.

I started twisting my hair into a side plait, waiting for him to say something else.

"Can I see something you wrote?" he asked suddenly.

I blinked. "Um. I don't think so. No."

"Why not?"

"I don't show anyone."

"Why?"

"I just don't."

"Oh." He flipped onto his stomach again so he could watch me. "Well, would you sing for me then?"

I looked away, embarrassed. I _knew _he'd heard me. "I don't really sing for anyone."

"You don't?"

"No."

"So there's no one you sing for?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, Seth, there is no one I sing for."

"So, sing for me, then." He smiled innocently when I raised my eyebrows, impressed by the loophole he'd found in my sentence.

"It'd be awkward."

"No it wouldn't," he said. "I'll sing for you." And then he proceeded to butcher _Rolling in the Deep._

"Oh my God, STOP!" I shouted over his wailing, amused and horrified at the same time. "Jesus Christ, _never _do that again!"

He waited, watching me.

I sighed. "_There's a fire burning in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and bringing me out the dark... _happy?"

"Nope. Put some feeling into it. You're flat."

"How are you a judge on the condition of my singing? You're horrid!" I turned and switched on my ipod again, allowing _She Will be Loved _to slide over my skin like a safety blanket. I skipped it back to the start.

_Beauty Queen of only eighteen, she  
>had some trouble with herself...<em>

"Why don't you sing now?" he asked. "You were singing along before."

I sighed again, becoming exasperated with this topic. "Because, Seth, sometimes it's good just to listen."

"It's the same song every time."

I moved and flopped down beside him, closing my eyes, face to the ceiling. "Close your eyes."

"I've heard this song before."

"Just do it to make me happy then."

When I peeked at him, his eyes were closed. I smiled and shut mine again. "Now just... let it sink into you."

_I don't mind spending every day,  
>out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh<br>look for the girl with the broken smile  
>ask her if she wants to stay a while<em>

_"And she will be loved," _I sang softly, _"she will be loved."_

"Why did you pick this song?" he murmured.

I replied in equally hushed tones, unwilling to speak loud enough to disrupt the song. "I like it."

"Why?"

"Everyone... _wants_ to be loved," I answered, somewhat hesitantly. "especially with that sort of conviction. Listen to it. He loves her for all her flaws."

He shifted. "Is that what you want? Someone who loves you for all your flaws?"

I opened my eyes to see him propped up on one elbow, watching me. My mouth quirked into a bitter shape. "I'm ridiculous. Don't listen to me."

"That's not ridiculous," he contradicted, giving me that intense look he had. I looked away and stood, holding the door open.

"Please leave," I said quietly. "I have homework." And you, mysterious muse-man, you make me itchy under my skin and uncomfortable when you ask me if I want to be loved.

_"She will be loved," _he sang as he passed me by, husky and beautiful, in complete contrast to his wobbling voice before.

I all but slammed the door behind him.

Jake poked his head around the door shortly after. "What was that about?"

I shrugged, feigning ignorance. "I had homework."

He hovered. "Mu, I can tell him to stay away if he makes you uncomfortable."

"What? Jacob, I had homework, I needed him to leave so I could focus. Kind of like how I need you to leave."

"Mmm." He seemed unconvinced, but he let the matter lie, and he wasn't there at dinner to bring it up again.

Me and Uncle Billy ate in silence. He was too imposing for idle chatting, I felt. And after he rolled off to the lounge, I did a stealth mission on the dishes.

_November_. It was November already. All anyone at Mum's funeral said was that someday I'd feel normal again. They didn't say when. I thought it must be still a while away.

*.*.*.*

Sid walked me to homeroom every day that week. And on Thursday, Llana Stanley made her next move.

It started in Gym when the girls in my team cut me off from the ball completely. I'd go to dive for it and next thing I was sprawling on the floor and the ball was bouncing off into the corner. I blinked and stood up again, uncertain of how I could have missed. I was pretty good at this usually. I put it down to lack of sleep and excess of boredom.

And then it happened again.

The pretty girls, in their too-tight shirts and their size-too-small shorts, were somehow boycotting me as a team member without the teacher noticing. I hung back after I figured it out, my heart somewhere in my socks.

"What was that about?" Larry demanded afterwards. "Those bitches were cutting you off!"

"Were they?" I said lightly, aware that many of them were within earshot and smirking. "I thought they were giving me a break. It was great. I wish they put that much effort into every game instead of running me ragged."

Larry glanced around, taking stock of the soured expressions. She grabbed my arm and hauled me off to lunch.

Breanna didn't even deign to glance in my direction.

"Don't mind her," Sally said loudly, "She's just being a total bitch."

I snorted and sat between Tom and Nate again, across from Sally and Breanna.

"So," Sally said, leaning forward, "I've been dying to ask. Can you sing?"

"No," I said firmly, not wishing for another Seth karaoke episode.

"That's funny," she said casually, "Because Larry said you do."

"Larry hasn't heard me sing."

"Embry told me!" Larry piped up from down the table.

I scowled. "How would he know?"

"Seth told him."

"Seth's stupid," I muttered immaturely. "I can't sing."

"Just admit it already!" Sally exploded, bouncing with excitement. "Do you know how long I've waited to have a friend who can sing?"

"You're still waiting."

"Don't be difficult."

"Don't presume things."

_"Please, _Mu!" she wheedled. "Just one itsy bitsy verse!"

I sighed. "No. I don't sing on command."

"You sang for Seth," Larry said slyly.

"Who's Seth?" Sally demanded.

"Yes," Tom said, looking at me sternly, "Who is this man and why have we not heard about him?"

"He could be a threat to your virtue," Nate added.

"Or worse, he could threaten our chances with you!"

"Thomas, dear boy, you have no chance already. It's me she wants."

"Just tell us!" Sally said over the top of them, forcing them to shut up.

I shrugged. "He's Jacob's friend. Sort of."

"Is he your friend?"

"More importantly," Sally said, "Is he smokin'?"

"He is," Larry assured her.

I stared at my lunch as if it were about to run away, ignoring the unpleasant feeling that Larry's assessment of Seth had brought.

"Not as good as Embry," she added as an afterthought, "but close."

The acidic feeling ebbed somewhat. "It doesn't matter. We're just mates."

Tom and Nate launched into an impromptue performance of _Can You Feel the Love Tonight._

I scowled. "So first I'm after Sid, now I'm after Seth? I'm not a slut."

"All evidence points to contrary," Breanna drawled, her first words directly addressed to me in a long time. She arched an eyebrow and held my gaze coolly.

Bitch.

I was up and out of there before Tom and Nate could restrain me, striding away from their calls to _come back, Mu! _Llana Stanley smirked as I went.

The library, I decided, was a very nice place to spend lunch.

My phone vibrated three times whilst I was hiding amongst the books, wishing I'd eaten something before storming out. One from Larry, one from Sid (how had he ended up with my number?) and one from Sally.

I ignored them. But there was a fourth text, which must have been recieved sometime during my indignant march here, seeing as I didn't feel it vibrate. It didn't say who it was from, just _hi. _

_-Who is this? _I typed, the shitty cheap buttons on my shitty cheap phone clacking loudly.

No reply. I settled with a book and waited for the bell to ring so I could suffer through last period Calculus, but the only words I could focus on were Breanna's. What had I ever done to her to warrant her hating me so much? Or Llana, for that matter? It wasn't like her and Sid were going out, or like Sid was even into her. Or like I was even into Sid. But I wasn't so sure about that last one, because he was really nice and he made me laugh.

And he was, I supposed, a good looking boy, with his pretty eyes.

An image of darker eyes popped into my head, and I frowned. The trouble with becoming creatively obsessed with one boy was that he was never far from my thoughts.

My phone vibrated again, sounding like it was shaking its junky self apart in the process. I sighed and checked to see another text from Sid, asking why I left.

_-I don't like being called a slut, _I typed quickly, then deleted it and settled for, -_B was being a dick._

His reply was instantaneous. _What did she say?_

-_Only that I was a slut._

_Why would she say that?_

_-Apparently I'm trying to get with both you and Seth._

_Are you?_

I stared at my phone for a moment, speechless again. Then I was angry. _-If you're going to be stupid, I'm not talking to you._

_It's not a stupid question._

_-No, but you are if you think it needs to be asked._

_I'm sorry._

I deleted his messages and tried again to focus on my book, but he kept texting.

_Mu?_

_Look, I shouldn't have said it._

_I'm an idiot._

_Talk to me!_

_Please?_

Eventually I figured out that it would be smart to turn my phone off, and did so just in time for the bell to ring. I groaned softly, unwilling to go out and pretend everything was okay, but if I showed weakness now Llana Stanley and Breanna would stomp all over me.

Oh. That's right. Llana already did that.

I stood and replaced the book, forcing a polite smile to the librarian and leaving for my locker.

Sid, Larry, and Sally were waiting there, and they all tried to talk at once. I let them babble over each other as I rummaged for the textbook I needed, waiting for them to sort themselves and in no mood to make it easier for them.

"Mu," Sally said after silencing the other two, "Breanna's a bitch. She's gone. We'll see how long she lasts in the real world with her attitude."

I blinked. They had chosen me over her? "Um. What do you mean, gone?"

"We kicked her out," she said in her usual tactless fashion.

"But she's your friend."

"History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people," she quipped.

"Martin Luther King Junior," Sid said, impressed. "Nice."

"Thank you," I mumbled, unable to convey how grateful I was. She nodded in acknowledgement and left for class.

The hallways were thinning of their traffic now.

"Embry's giving me a ride to ballet," Larry said. "Bye!" And she too scurried off, leaving me frowning. Did that mean I was meant to walk or something? I shut my locker and started trudging to class.

Sid fell in step beside me, clearing his throat. "Uh, I could give you a ride."

And then I knew why Larry had run off so fast, and I was cursing her for it. My jaw tightened. "Oh," I said lightly, "Could you now?"

"Mu, I'm sorry. I _said _I was sorry. Just let me give you a ride home. Make it up to you."

"That's your idea of making up for implying that you don't doubt I'm a whore?"

"I don't know what else to do," he admitted. "You won't let me take you out, you won't answer my texts, you refuse to discuss anything to do with what I think about you. I figure this way, you sort of have to listen. For a while. And for the record, I never implied you were a whore."

"You did."

"I didn't."

"You did."

"I _didn't," _he repeated firmly. "You're overreacting because you're still upset about what Breanna said. I'll see you after school. If you try and walk, I'll just follow you and holler out the window until you get in."

I glanced at him, and he looked determined. "Whatever. Go to class."

"I'll see you," he promised.

And when I walked out into the parking lot after a Calculus lesson spent trying to ignore Tom's muttering about how he was sorry he teased me, I was intercepted right away by Sid.

"My car's over there," he said, jerking his head towards a shining truck. The black paint gleamed like it had just been waxed.

"You call that a car?" I remarked dryly. "That's a truck."

"Don't be picky," he told me. "Come on."

It was a few minutes of driving before we started talking.

"Are you going to ignore me the whole way?" he asked.

"I'm not ignoring you. You haven't said anything."

"Neither have you."

"Because you haven't said anything first."

His mouth pulled down at the corners. "I don't get why you're so mad at me. I asked you a valid question and you're acting like I photoshopped your head onto a naked body and posted it all over school."

I snorted. "You basically said that you believed I wanted to get with you and Seth at the same time."

"No, I didn't. I asked if you were after both of us."

"You shouldn't have to ask! You should know!"

"How am I meant to know?" Sid demanded. "At Mac's you flirted with me, _danced _with me, and I'm pretty sure you would've kissed me if I'd tried, and then you act like nothing happened and all I hear about from you the next day, after you turn me down and I took it very graciously, is how Seth got to hang out with you all day! And again, on Tuesday, you come to school talking about how he showed up at your house and made you sing for him! And then you _swore _me into secrecy, because _God forbid _someone else should find out that you're talented as well as beautiful!"

"I told you that stuff because you're my friend and I like you!"

"Oh, well that makes it all better," he said sarcastically. "So now I've been _friendzoned, _I get to hear all about how Seth is getting your attention! Great!"

"You said you wanted to be my friend!"

"I lied!"

I gaped at him, then dropped my gaze to my hands. "Fine. Then I guess it won't be much of a loss for you to stop talking to me."

He groaned and pulled over so he could turn and face me properly. "God damn it, Mu, you _just don't get it, do you?_ I like you! I said I'd be your friend because you freaked when I tried to be something more! And you like me too."

"Oh, do I? So nice of you to tell me."

"Don't be mean," he said impatiently. "You smile when you see me, you always blush when your friends tease you about me, and you hesitated before you said no."

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"Then _don't," _he said. "And don't try to tell me I'm the one who hurt yours. I'm going out on a limb here. I didn't have to talk to you at the party, or walk you to your classes, or give you a freaking ride home. I did it because I want to be around you and I want you to want to be around me. Look at me."

I turned my face towards the window petulantly.

He covered my hands with his. "Mu. You're gorgeous and you're interesting, but I can only take rejection so many times before I stop bothering. You're starting to really piss me off. This can go one of two ways. You can look at me, and I'll ask you out again, and you'll say yes because you're taking a chance just like I am. Or you can keep sulking, I'll drop you home, and I'll never bother you again and thank you to do the same."

Frowning and startled, I glanced at him. "Would you really just cut me out?"

"Yes," he said. "Now shut up and let me ask you out again. Mu, will you-"

"Sid, I don't think that-"

"Mu," he repeated, overriding my objections and giving me a stern look, "Will you please, for the love of God and the sake of my sanity, go to the movies with me tomorrow night?"

I swallowed, feeling slightly trapped. And then I nodded.


	4. Chapter 4 (edited)

******EDITED PLEASE BE AWARE THAT EVENTS HAVE CHANGED IN THIS CHAPTER FROM WHAT ORIGINALLY OCCURRED, PLEASE RE-READ.******

**This has honestly been the biggest bitch of a chapter to write. It's so difficult for me to write Sid/Mu scenes when I really just want to yell at her for not noticing the babin' werewolf imprint she has waiting in the wings. Sorry for the delay. I had NCEA exams and then I was gone for the summer and now it's school again and it's taken this long for my life to not be a shambles anymore. And also I really hate this chapter. I've written it like three times. So yeah. Here's the best version of events.**

***.*.*.***

**_Last Chapter:_**

_"Sid, I don't think that-"_

_"Mu," he repeated, overriding my objections and giving me a stern look, "Will you please, for the love of God and the sake of my sanity, go to the movies with me tomorrow night?"_

_I swallowed, feeling slightly trapped. And then I nodded._

*.*.*

Billy's black Black eyes bored into me. I stared back, trying not to blink.

It was like having a staring competition with a cat. You just knew the cat was going to win. And then look smug after.

"So," he rumbled, "You want to date a boy."

_Well technically he wants to date me, but... _"Yes."

"From out of town."

_Does Forks constitute being out of town? _"Yes."

"And he wants to take you to the movies. In his car."

_No, we're going to walk there. Of course in his bloody car. _"Yes."

He sat back a little, still gazing at me.

My eyes were starting to water with the effort.

"I don't like it," he said. "I don't know him."

_You don't know me either, yet here I am. _"Um... You... can meet him. Tomorrow. When he picks me up."

_"If_ he picks you up."

_Well if he comes all the way here it won't be just for a cup of tea. Like anyone would waste gas trying to impress the big scary Elder._

I continued to stare impassively at him. Show no weakness, Mu. Embrace your inner warrior.

Billy sighed, finally dropping his gaze. "I suppose you can go out with him. But he comes inside first. So I can meet him. Your father trusted me with your safety and I'm not about to let you go somewhere you've never been with a boy I've never met."

"Um." _I'm a big girl, Uncle Billy. _"Okay."

"And you're not out past midnight."

"Okay." _Fair request._

"And no sex."

_Jesus, is that going to come up every time I go somewhere? _"Um. Got it."

He flicked his eyes up to my embarrassed face and pinned me again with the Billy Black Look. "No going off the main streets. It's not as safe as you'd think."

"Okay." _Once again, I am a big girl._

"I mean it."

"Okay." _I mean, I wear big girl pants and everything, honest._

"Good." He dismissed me for the television and I felt relieved. I pushed myself up off the couch and ambled into the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water and fussing the peeling lino with my toes as I drank it. When I set the glass down, I saw Jacob approaching through the window.

And, behind him, was my own pretty-eyed muse and Quil.

"Home, Dad!" Jacob called when he got in the door, taking a moment to nod in greeting to me before he started rummaging through the fridge.

Seth smiled a dazzling sunshine smile at me. "Hey, Mu."

I smiled back hesitantly. Something about him made me itch, and I wasn't quite sure how to deal with that yet.

"How was the pale-face school?" Jacob asked, emerging from the fridge with an armful of food.

Quil snickered. "Dude, I can't believe you go there. Isn't it weird?"

I raised an eyebrow. _Isn't what weird? I'd be going to a school of strangers wherever I went. _"Um. Not really." My eyes flicked back to Jacob as he set his bounty on the counter. "It's fine. Actually..." I stopped short, having changed my mind. I'd tell him later.

"Actually what?" Jacob looked at me, apparently sharp of hearing.

"Um." I fidgeted. "I'm going out tomorrow."

"With Larry? No, wait, she's going out with Embry..." he frowned. "I can't remember your other friends' names sorry."

"Um. You don't know... him..."

His eyebrows rose significantly. "You're going out with a guy? Who?" His eyes flickered, inexplicably, towards where Seth was leaning against the wall.

"Sid."

"Sid?" Seth repeated softly. "Isn't that the guy from..."

"Um. Yeah. The one you tried to fight. Him."

I thought I saw Seth's face tighten for a moment, but then he sneezed. He recovered and looked at Jacob. "Hey, man, I gotta go... see Mom..."

Jacob nodded at him. "Remember the roster. You're on tonight."

I frowned. _On what? _I didn't know that Seth worked with Jacob. What did Jacob even do? Quil mumbled something and followed Seth.

"I gotta say," Jake said, "I don't like you going out with this guy. How well do you know him?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure it'll be fine. Look, it was my decision," _Well, sort of... _"and we're just going to the movies."

He hummed neutrally and stared out the window. "Just... don't expect people around here to be happy about it, okay? They have certain... ideas."

"Their ideas are stupid and your argument about not knowing him is invalid, because the whole point of dating someone is getting to know them." I blurted out, then hurriedly turned and reached into the cupboard for my stash of apple blackcurrant tea to busy myself with.

Jake sighed. "No, their ideas aren't stupid, you just don't know very much about this place yet."

"Funny that." I glanced back at him as I bustled around getting the kettle filled and sorting my cup. Eventually I clicked that I should offer him some. "Do you want tea?"

"Naw." He studied me when I turned back to face him, having accepted that there was nothing else to do but wait for the water to boil. "Mu. Have you thought about what I said? When I dropped you off at Larry's house?"

Jesus. My gaze dropped to the floor. "Don't, Jacob."

"You can talk to me. And Seth. I know you're taking it really hard, and I know your dad hasn't contacted you since-"

"I said _don't!" _I shouted, glaring at him. The jug clicked off behind me.

Black eyes regarded me calmly as I pressed my lips together and willed the unpleasant, hot, prickly feeling of tears to go away. I turned and fumbled with the jug, blinking furiously.

His footsteps, heavy and retreating into the hallway, made me sigh in relief.

*.*.*.*

Stress kept me awake.

I pushed the window open as wide as it would go and sat on the ledge with my back to my room, shivering a little as the chilly night air wrapped around my legs. I don't know what I was thinking when I packed boxers as pyjamas for Washington.

My notebook, I saw with some dismay, was getting a little tattered. And full. I'd have to get a new one soon.

I wrote for a while, the golden light spilling over my shoulder and onto the pages. Tonight wasn't a night for sleeping, it would seem.

A twig snapped loudly.

I drew my legs up instinctively, gaze flitting around the darkened backyard anxiously. The night was beautiful until weird sounds made me paranoid. And then I saw it. The wolf.

My breath was a shaky affair as an enormous sandy-coloured wolf emerged from the darkness. We watched each other for a long moment, my heart thudding painfully in my chest. I was fairly certain wolves weren't meant to be that size.

It whined and lay down on its belly, flattening itself right down in a submissive gesture. My mouth dropped open. Why was a bloody huge wolf worried about appearing threatening to something it could easily lunge and grab? Was it a game?

Its eyes were huge. And somehow questioning. And... oddly rum-coloured. Or maybe that was just me being sleep-deprived and writing obsessively about someone who was none of my business. I really needed to get a grip on that if I was meant to be dating Sid now.

There was a little thud and I looked down to see that my notebook had fallen to the ground. Shit. I glanced at the wolf nervously, then slowly edged my way back into the room, mourning the fact that my book would be ruined if it rained at all tonight. Which it would, judging by the damp chill in the air.

I swallowed hard, trying not to cry over the loss of what was undoubtedly my sanity in blue and black ink, and pushed the window shut. Drew the curtains. Turned out the light. Tried to put weirdly docile wolves out of my mind.

Sleep still wouldn't come though. I checked my phone again what felt like an eternity later and it was only 1AM.

Around two, there was a tap on my window.

Reasoning that my eyes were adjusted enough now that turning on the light would only blind me, I crept over and peered through the curtains, half expecting to see a wolf sitting there.

Only Seth looked up at me.

I unlatched the window and pushed it open, apologising quietly when it nearly clipped Seth on the side of his head.

"Hey, Mu," he said, and even though it was dark his smile was bright.

I leaned out on my elbows. "What are you doing?"

He fidgeted. "Nothing. I just wanted to see you."

"At two in the morning? Normal people are sleeping."

"Were you sleeping?"

"I'm not a normal person," I admitted with a rueful smile. "So, Romeo, what brings you to stand beneath my balcony this fine night?"

"I wanted to see you," he repeated.

"You saw me this afternoon."

He shrugged. "You never say what you think though."

"How do you know that?"

"You sort of twitch when you're thinking of sarcastic things you want to say."

I sighed. "How come you seem to know all this stuff about me and I still have no idea who you are?"

"I'm Seth," he told me solemnly.

My mouth twitched. "I'm Mu. But you already know everything about me, so there's no point introducing myself."

"What song's in your head right now?"

I cast about for the title. "Um... _Love Love Love _by Of Monsters and Men. Crossed with _Young Blood _by The Naked and Famous."

"No more Maroon 5?"

"No," I said shortly, then had an idea. "Um. Stay there a sec. I want to show you _Young Blood." _

A few seconds later, iPod in hand, I offered him an earbud. He gingerly placed it near his ear.

I pressed play and turned the volume right down, since it was late and we were whispering and loud volume just didn't seem appropriate. Seth relaxed and put the earbud in his ear properly.

I closed my eyes and listened. The song was beautiful, teenage angst written in a way that didn't sound whiny.

"I like it," Seth whispered after a while.

I opened my eyes and smiled at him. "I'll have to show you _Punching in a Dream _sometime. And the rest of my Naked and Famous playlist. It's all good."

"Can you sing it?"

I hesitated, winding the headphones back up carefully. "Not now. Everyone's asleep. I don't want to wake them up."

"On Saturday? When we're finding my suit?" He saw me hesitate again and reached up to clasp my wrist gently. "Hey. No running. Come on. I told you I'd help you face your fears."

"And I told you I had a lot of them," I replied. "Um. Singing's not really a fear, it's just... I don't do it much anymore."

"Because of your mom?"

"A little," I said softly, "But kind of more because of my dad."

He was still holding my wrist loosely. "My dad died of cardiac arrest when I was about... fifteen I think? It seems like a long time ago, and then it seems like yesterday."

I straightened. "Don't try to empathise with me."

"Why not?"

"Did you move continents when your dad died?" I asked.

He smiled. It was bitter. "No. But you aren't the only fucked up one around here, you know. I got problems."

I snorted. "I think you should go."

Seth tightened his grip on me momentarily to catch my attention again. "Hey. Don't be selfish. Grief isn't meant to be for one person to have all to themselves."

My mouth curved mockingly. _Tell that to Dad. _"Martyrdom is just teenage angst made easy."

Something howled in the distance. Seth looked away, distracted momentarily, then focused on me again.

"You're not a martyr. You're confused. I'll see you Saturday, I have to go," he said, and then he let go of me and melted back into the shadows.

I wished I had my notebook so I could get rid of the words he left itching on my fingertips. What kind of person came and talked through a window this time of night and still managed to have the upper hand in the conversation?

*.*.*.*

"Are you sure you like the movie? You kept yawning through it."

I flushed, embarrassed. "Um. Sorry. Yeah."

Sid's hand found mine and he squeezed it in consolation. "As long as it wasn't _me_ boring you," he said, nudging my shoulder.

"I had lots of homework," I lied, punctuating the sentence with yet another yawn.

"Guess I'll have to take you home then."

"What else were you going to do," I muttered, "Tie me to a tree in the park?"

He looked at me for a second, then laughed. "You're funny when you talk."

I frowned. "What do you mean, when I talk?"

"You don't talk much."

"Maybe not to you," I said, "because I don't know you. You might think I'm an idiot if I talk heaps."

"Or..." he stopped and tugged me towards him, capturing my other hand too. "...I'd think you were cute."

I snorted.

"Or an idiot," he added as if conceding the point. "After all, you kept saying _no_ whenever you opened your mouth after I asked you out."

"You wouldn't take a hint," I grumbled, eyes flickering back to him now that the conversation had veered away from my perceived merits.

"I'm not a subtle person," he agreed.

"Truly? I had no idea."

He hummed to confirm his claim. "Like, for instance, a subtle person would make up a metaphor about the main characters in the movie that could be construed as relating to our situation, but was ambiguous enough that you can't really tell."

"You watch too many movies."

"Undoubtedly," he agreed. "And I really am unsubtle. Like for instance, I'm not going to use a metaphor to tell you that you're pretty. I'll just say it. Mu, I think you're pretty."

"Um. Thanks?"

"And also, I really want to kiss you."

I blinked. "Um. Just cause you're unsubtle doesn't mean romance has to die."

He laughed again. "True. I guess what I'm trying to subtly ask in my unsubtle way is, do you want to kiss me too?"

My cheeks heated and I looked down. "Um."

"You yawned your way through the entire thing," he pointed out. "Not exactly what a guy wants from his date. Kind of hard to read as enthusiasm."

"Sorry."

We looked at each other for a second, trying to suss each other out.

He let go of my hands and rested his fingertips on my hips. "Feel free to stop me any time," he warned. And then he kissed me, softly, gently, lingering. I tilted my head as he went to move away and kissed him back, my hands on his torso as we drew closer, trading those small soft kisses.

Sid drew back slightly. "Be my girlfriend?"

I stepped back and looked down. "Um. I had fun. But I don't think I want to date you."

"Ouch." He started walking slowly, still close enough to be companionable. "I take it back. You're mean when you talk."

"Sorry."

He touched my hand. "Hey. It's okay. I kind of forced you to come out with me. I get that none of this is your idea right now."

We had reached his shiny truck - not a car because, as he told it, truck ownership was a rite of passage around here - and he let go of me to unlock the door.

"Why do you unlock it manually?" I asked. "It has a boop-boop."

"A _what?" _he snorted as he turned the key.

"You know. You point it and it goes _boop-boop! _and then your truck's unlocked."

He outright laughed. I scurried around to my side of the car, embarrassed, and scooted inside. Sid swung himself in and closed the door, then looked at me. "So, did you have a car back home?"

"Yeah."

"Did it have a boop-boop?"

I flushed and looked away. "No. Stop making fun of me."

"Lighten up," he said, and then the truck shifted slightly as he leaned over to kiss my cheek. "You know I wasn't being mean. I think it's cute you use onomatopoeia in everyday life."

I turned and wrinkled my nose at him, realising he was still quite close. "I didn't know you found language features so appealing."

"Oh yeah," he said, "Big time. Use correct syntax and I just _melt." _

"Handy to know," I said dryly.

"Keep that in mind for Valentine's Day," he told me. "Assuming, of course, you're my girlfriend."

"I doubt it."

"I'll wear you down. I'm adorable."

He made me laugh all the way home and I forgot to feel bad for rejecting him. I didn't really want a boyfriend right now, but Sid was fun. He was easy to get along with.

He even walked me to my door, ducking down without warning to kiss me sweetly again. It was over before I realised it had begun and certainly before I had a chance to think about whether I wanted to kiss him back.

"See ya around," he whispered, grinning, and then he was gone.

I let myself in quietly and walked in to find the television flickering and Jacob sprawled asleep on the couch. Whatever it was he actually did, it must be exhausting. I shook my head and floated down the hallway into bed, smiling at the memory of Sid's mouth against mine.

*.*.*.*

I dreamed of forests filled with shadows. My footsteps made no sound, nor did my breathing. I followed a winding path, twitching with fear every time I saw a movement, until a pack of wolves burst out of the trees and ran right through me and I realised I was a shadow too. I screamed silently and one familiar sandy wolf stopped, cocking his head to the side as if he could hear me ever so faintly. I tried again to scream, shout, cry, anything, but the wolf just looked around in confusion.

He couldn't see me at all. No one could. I was going to be stuck here alone, a ghost girl left with the shadows...

"Wake up!"

"Fuck!" I jolted upright and collided with Seth, who had been bent over me. "Fuck!" I swore again, wincing and rubbing my head where it had cracked against his chin.

"Oh, shit, sorry!" He pulled my hand away and inspected the spot, probing it gently. "You were crying in your sleep, I just panicked and tried to wake y-"

"It's fine!" I interrupted, jerking back from the impromptu scalp massage. "Just... fuck..." I was still shivery and unsettled from the dream of the cold, lonely forest. I wished desperately for my notebook so I could get the dark shadows out of my head and safely bound by ink.

"You're still crying," Seth said quietly, his hand hovering momentarily in front of my face before he thought better and let it fall to his side.

I raised my fingertips to my face and found that he was right, to my horror. I dashed the liquid away and breathed deeply, trying to calm myself down.

"What were you dreaming of?"

I didn't deem the question worthy of an answer, choosing instead to assess my situation. "Um. Seth? Why are you in my room?"

"Today's Saturday."

I looked at him blankly.

His face fell almost imperceptibly. Almost. "You forgot," he said. "You said you'd come help me pick out a suit."

I blinked. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Um. Yeah."

He straightened and headed for the door. "Ready when you are. I'll be in the kitchen."

_Huh._

I lay back and arched into my bed, gasping as my spine popped. Why had I agreed to this, again?

Seth was alone in the kitchen when I emerged, freshly showered with my hair still wet, to dig in the fridge. I retrieved a pot of chocolate yogurt and weaved around him to sit on the counter top, my legs swinging gently as I dug in. I noticed Seth staring at me oddly and shifted uncomfortably, hunching in on myself and choosing to focus on the yogurt instead of the boy in my kitchen.

At least he was wearing a shirt. Then I could focus on his pretty eyes instead of his muscle tone.

I hopped off the counter with that thought. Better to get this over with. I just hoped that Seth meant what he said about wanting to be my friend. And the thing about my happiness being important.

"Where's Billy?" I asked when we were in the truck.

"Sue's."

"Where's Jacob?"

"Nessie's."

I frowned. "Why's he always at Nessie's? I mean, I know he's friends with her mum, but..."

"She's special," Seth said. "You'll get it when you spend time with her."

"How did he get there if we have his truck?"

"He walked."

"Through the woods?"

Seth gave me an amused look. "We all know our way around the woods, El."

"Right. Community work." I rolled my eyes, then realised something. "Did you just call me El?"

He switched gears before answering. "Yup."

"I already have a name, you know."

"Mu makes you sound like a cow, and you're way too young to have a granny name like Eleanor."

"Thanks," I said wryly.

"Well, do _you _like your name?"

"Too late to change it now."

"That's not the question."

I frowned. "No, I don't like it, but my mum must've so I'll carry it around for her sake."

"What if your dad was the one who named you?"

"I..." My grip tightened around my phone momentarily before I looked away from his profile, towards the window. "I don't know. I don't think he did."

Mum was always the boss anyway. Until she got sick.

"How was your date?"

I started. Right. Still in a conversation. Focus, Mu. Breathe. "Um. Good."

"Did he kiss you?"

"Mind your own business," I snapped, flushing. There was something odd about sharing this with Seth.

"Are you guys a thing now?"

I glanced at him. "No. He wanted to be. But I don't. So no. Not that it matters. Although I might have less of a lynch mob after me now. Llana Stanley can stop being a Class A bitch. People were starting to believe her shit."

"You shouldn't care what anyone thinks."

"Not even you?"

He scoffed. "Okay. Maybe me. Just because we're friends and all."

"And maybe Uncle Billy and Jacob?"

A shadow passed over his face. "Billy's done some bad things where Jake's concerned. You might want to steer away from his parenting skills and make up your own mind about stuff. But you won't lack anything in that house, trust me."

I laughed this time. "Except freedom, maybe?"

"What's he doing to deny you your freedom?"

"He lays down ground rules before I go out. They include not having sex. Does that say something about what Billy thinks of me?"

"Ah."

I turned back to him. "I mean, I'm not a slut."

"Well. I was worried when you started sniffing around palefaces."

"Seth!"

"What?" He glanced over at me, his eyes smiling, the rest of his face smooth. "You just never know these days. I don't want to be friends with some hussy."

"That's me," I deadpanned, "I want the D. So bad. All day. I might jump you if you aren't careful."

His cheeks darkened - a blush? Be still, my beating heart - but he maintained his poker face. "I knew it."

"I'm sorry. I ruined our beautiful friendship."

"You did."

"Now I have no one."

He scoffed again and reached over to push me slightly. "Overkill."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Even if we weren't friends, you'd still stalk me."

He scoffed. "I don't stalk you."

"Hey," I said, "Don't get defensive now. You _were _the one in my backyard the other night. Just saying."

"You're the one who agreed to get into a car with a stalker."

"So you admit you stalk me?"

A grin tugged at the corners of his mouth, but he didn't glance at me yet. "I admit no such thing. You're just crazy."

"We're not analysing me," I complained, "We're analysing you and your stalkerish tendencies."

"Elle. Babe. I can't help that you're obsessed with me and you're making up all these stories."

"Babe?" I repeated incredulously, snorting. "Christ, Seth, I'd rather you call me Princess Rainbow Moonbeam than _babe_."

"Duly noted."

*.*.*.*

I was beginning to regret agreeing to be Seth's shopping buddy.

Because... he was making my brain hurt.

He looked _really _good in a suit.

I wanted to tell him to stand still until I found the exact words to describe him, the way the cut of his suit matched the angle of his jaw and how the flourescent lights darkened his eyes.

He was all wide shoulders and narrow hips, lean without being lanky, tall without being imposing. He fidgeted uncomfortably in his suit. I tutted sympathetically and scurried over to straighten his lapels._  
><em>

"Did you even look in the mirror?" Adjust. Tighten. Straighen. Flick off lint. "You're all crooked. Your buttons aren't even straight."

He ran a hand over the short stubble of his hair ruefully, successfully undoing all my adjusting.

I looked at him in exasperation. "Really? Stand still so I can fix you."

"I don't like it," he admitted.

"You don't have to. This isn't about you, it's about your cousin, remember?" Ajust. Tighten.

"She doesn't like me anyway," Seth grumbled.

"Why?" Straighten. Fix buttons.

Try to ignore the way his body heat sinks into my bones.

He shifted nervously, his hand almost going back to his hair before I stopped him with a glare. He sighed. "Uh. Well. It could have something to do with the fact that I had sex with her fiance's sister at their engagement party."

My hands stilled mid-button. "You _what?"_

"She was older than me," he protested, "And she kind of hunted me down, and I kind of didn't say no because I was drunk."

I gave his shirt one last pull and stepped back to inspect it. "Messy. And stereotypical."

"The only reason I'm in this wedding is because Leah threatened not to go if they didn't include me," he said, looking somewhat ashamed. "And her and Kelly are really good friends so she managed to guilt Kelly into letting me stay. I don't even really want to but I don't want Leah to get pissy because she went to the effort of making it dramatic."

"Family's family," I pointed out. "You only get one chance at a lot of things. This might be Kelly's only chance at a wedding, so suck it up and be a good cousin. She might forgive you if you aren't, but her and Leah will be _pissy _at you for a long time afterwards."

"Like you're pissy at Jake?"

My eyes snapped up to meet his calculating gaze. "That's none of your concern."

"Family's family," he reminded me.

_At least yours isn't keeping secrets from you._ "You should get the suit. You look good. I'm going to go get something. I'll meet you at the truck."

"No, I can't let you walk alone, it's not s-"

"Seth," I interrupted, "I don't care."

"I do."

"I don't care," I repeated, turning on my heel and marching off before he could stop me.

God, I was such a bitch these days.

Seth caught up to me as I was paying for a new notebook. I chose a leather bound one with thick creamy pages that made it seem like anything written therein could be nothing short of literary genius.

"That was fast," I commented, noting his lack of baggage. "Did you even get it?"

He shrugged. "They're going to mail it to me. One of the seams was loose."

"Right." I accepted my receipt and started wandering off slowly, already thinking of what could occupy those gorgeously blank pages.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't," I said abruptly. "I don't want to apologise to you, so you can't apologise to me."

He frowned. "Elle. I want to apologise. I don't care if you do."

"No," I said stubbornly.

"Do you _want _to stay angry?"

I looked at him. He was the one who said I was confused. Didn't he know that I had no idea what I wanted?

He pulled me out of the foot traffic. "We have a whole car ride home. It's going to be a lot longer if you're holding a grudge for me saying something out of line. Let me apologise."

"You weren't out of line," I said. "It's not you I'm angry at."

"Can you please stop acting like it is then? It... sucks." He looked genuinely distressed now, as if the thought of being on my bad side genuinely scared him. "I apologise on behalf of whoever made you angry, and I promise not to ask about Jake again."

I glared at him.

"Aren't you tired of being angry all the time?" he said quietly.

_Pot. Kettle. _

How ironic that my last name is Black.

"Aren't you?" I shot back.

He held my gaze. "Yeah. I am. I'm trying, Elle. Why don't you?"

I looked away, clenching my jaw. Why was I so angry? And why was it always at Seth?

_Because he gets under your skin with his pretty eyes and his nice words. He makes you feel ashamed. _

The breath I didn't realise I had been holding came out as a hushed, defeated sigh. "At least anger is _something," _I said quietly.

"So's happiness."

"I'm happy all the time. You just don't see it."

"Then you aren't happy all the time, are you?" He cupped my elbow and started steering me to the truck. I looked at it and thought about a shinier truck last night, about a boy who had made me happier for a while. Was it pretend? Was I just playing at being normal for the sake of it? "You're just being selfish again, you know."

I sat and tried to gather my thoughts while he started the motor. "Um. Seth."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not good with words."

He laughed. At my incredulous look, he gestured towards my new notebook. "You write all the time. You're amazing with words."

Oh. "It's different." Don't you know that I say so much more when I don't say anything at all?

"How?"

I shrugged. "I just... I can't explain. Um. To you. Like this. It won't work."

He reached over and tugged at the book until I loosened my grip, setting it beside me instead, where I couldn't maul it. "So do it like you usually would."

"But I only write for me."

His rich-rum eyes flickered to me, then back to the road. "Elle. You don't have to explain anything about yourself to me. You owe me nothing. But - Jesus, it matters, okay? It matters to me whether you're happy or not. Just. Fuck. I wanna take all of your sadness away, because it fucking kills me. But I can't take it unless you share it."

I couldn't decide if he was eloquent or not. He changed direction too many times.

"Please," he added.

And for the second time this week, I found myself forced to make a decision in someone's truck.

*.*.*.*

**Aaaand that's it for now folks. It's a bit shorter than usual but it took me so long, so freaking long, to be happy with it. I'm still not completely satisfied because I feel like I made Mu a bit bipolar but she's going through a tough time so be understanding haha. Please review! It makes my day.**


	5. Chapter 5

The moon slid lazy ribbons through sparse clouds. I leaned against the window, cool glass chill through the long sleeves of my flannel pyjamas. The ink on my fingertips was smudging into the page that I drummed my digits against but I couldn't care less. The thrill of the clean, white pages was gone now that I had scarred them with something vaguely resembling the lovechild of a dream journal and a poetry jam.

The fragments of dream were frustrating but I was determined to make some sense of them somehow. There were wolves and trees and… something else that always slipped beyond my grasp when I tried to articulate it. It was a feeling that made me wake up sweating and labouring for breath every time, unsure whether I was terrified of the wolves or another thing entirely.

Movement caught my eye and I saw my wolf step into the yard from the cover of trees. We looked at each other for a long moment before I shifted to open the window, letting in the chill and the wild and the wolf.

"Hello," I said quietly, mindful that all normal people were asleep in this witching hour.

He edged forward to closer. I set my notebook carefully to the side so that there wasn't a repeat of last time.

We watched each other again. I knew that rationally I should not be having a staring competition with a wild animal in the wee hours of the morning. Maybe it was the after effects of the wolf dreams; I had the sense all of a sudden that not a lot to do with La Push was in any way rational and that by trying to make sense of it I would lose my grasp of the situation completely. Or maybe I was just overthinking things the way I always did when I wrote. I frowned as my tired mind tried to figure out the difference between the feeling and the truth, and if there even was one.

The wolf _whuff_'ed and cocked its head to the side. I wondered if it was trying to figure me out, too.

"I'm right, aren't I?" I murmured. "There's things going on here that I don't know about. A whole different side of reality."

He straightened up again.

"Or maybe," I muttered, more to myself, "I'm going crazy, as I haven't had any decent sleep because of you."

The wolf whined.

"Not you specifically," I assured him. "Your species. I keep dreaming about wolves. It's really odd. I'm in the forest, and then a pack of huge

wolves runs towards me, and then right through me, and I'm screaming but no one can hear me. I don't think I'm really there at all." I gazed off above the wolf's head at the dark depths of the woods. "I keep thinking it has to mean something, but then maybe I'm just trying to put meaning into something that isn't meaningful at all. I do that a lot. Like how I'm talking to you like you're my fucking spirit guide or some shit, but in all actuality, you are a wolf." I sighed and glanced at him. "Nice seeing you. Goodnight."

I shut the window and curtains, pretending not to notice how the wolf's eyes stayed on me the entire time, like he was analysing what I had just said and coming to his own conclusions.

Dear Lord, I needed sleep. I was getting paranoid.

I pulled my notebook towards me and let the words in my mind uncurl from my fine tip pen, filled with dream shards and wolves and a strange, inexplicable longing for rum coloured eyes.

Which, I reflected as I eventually drifted off, was the shade of my wolf's eyes, too.

*.*.*.*

_I remember tears streaming down your face as I said I'd never let you go… _I sang softly as I hung up my washing on the outdated, slightly rusted, rotating clothesline. The haunting music played in my mind and escaped my lips in absentminded snatches of falsetto.

It was another one of those clear days that everyone told me was rare this time of year in Washington. The sky was a fragile blue and I could smell cold in the air. Maybe I would actually get to see some snow?

My phone rattled in my pocket. I checked it, humming along still. Sid, asking me if I was going to so-and-so's party next weekend.

_No,_ I decided, inventing a quick lie about how Billy and Jacob had been promised my company for something that weekend. I just wanted to stay home and skype my friends. And maybe Dad. Or maybe not. He probably wouldn't be online, he was useless with the computer for anything that wasn't work related.

I could try?

_Breathe, Mu._

My hands were beginning to freeze from the chilly air and handling the damp laundry, so I quickly hung up the last of my clothes and tucked the empty basket into the space above where my hip jutted out, where someday I imagined a child would fit perfectly.

I shook off those thoughts. Too young, too alone, too broken, too much left to do before I could even contemplate replacing the empty basket with the warm weight of a toddler. Maybe later in life. Maybe.

Seth was sitting on the porch with Jacob. I was surprised for one faltering step of a moment because I had yet to see them hanging out together at a reasonable time of day, and yet here was the proof right before me.

They both watched me. I kept my head down and ignored both gazes; one Black and assessing, the other rich brown and piercing. I greeted them as I got closer and ignored the tug in my chest which seemed to want me to sway towards Seth, choosing instead to go inside and set the laundry basket by the tub.

_Don't you dare look out your window darling, everything's on fire…_

I checked my phone. Another message from Sid.

_I'll miss my gorgeous sober buddy though ;)_

My sigh was quiet and punctuated the quiet grace of the song, as if puncturing the skin of the one moment where I was wrapped up in something other than the continual question of whether I was being stupid not dating Sid. I may as well be for all intents and purposes. Llana Stanley and company still accidentally bumped into me and gave me blood-chilling looks which promised my imminent demise. My friends liked him. He texted me constantly and walked me to class. All I had to do was make it official, but…

But. The fact that there was a but at all was making me hesitate because I wasn't entirely sure where it was coming from. Or at least I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to acknowledge that it was currently coming from my front porch, where it was sat next to my cousin. I certainly didn't want to acknowledge that I had wedged the source of the 'but' into my notebook between descriptions of wolves and witching hours more times than was healthy. It was the eyes. When I looked at Sid, I saw Sid. I saw a guy who liked me and who was willing to go to great lengths to make sure I knew it, even if he was oblivious to the fact that one of his friends hated my guts and probably had my death planned down to the small details, like which brand of rope she would use to tie me up in her basement. I saw someone nice and caring and above all, honest.

When I looked at Seth, I drowned.

I headed to my room. I needed to get out of here and clear my thoughts, so I changed and yanked on some running shoes. I headed out the back way, which was actually the front way as it opened onto the street, and started in the opposite direction to Forks.

La Push was pretty, I decided. It was suburban but still retained some wildness. I could picture strange things happening here that the rest of the world was not privy to.

It gave me a strange urge to moonlight as Pocahontas and see what was just around the riverbend.

My breathing grew short fast and I reflected that I really should have exercised more often since I had been here. My muscles were tight from disuse and the lack of stretching I had done before I started. I made a note to do a thorough warm down to stop my calves from cramping later.

A strange thing happened.

Every time I thought that La Push must be just about to end, it kept going. And then there was more. And more.

And then, there was the school.

I had to stop and stare for a minute to believe what I was seeing. The school was about identical in size to Forks High, blocks of buildings clearly categorised by subject and colour coded in reference to some order I did not know. The field was enormous and well maintained.

There were even bleachers, albeit slightly more weathered looking than those at my school.

I walked slowly into the grounds, surveying carefully to process the difference between what was before my eyes and what Uncle Billy had told me.

_"What's here?"_

_"Two classrooms and a field."_

_"Really? For a highschool?"_

I ran my hand over the plaque which proudly announced the opening of a state of the art science building only two years prior. The metal scraped my skin with cold teeth. It felt like a warning. I had made my choice, uninformed though I was, and now I didn't belong here. I shivered and drew my hand back, then shivered again as I realised how bloody cold it was. When I was running, my hoodie had seemed excessive. Now the cold nipped at my exposed calves and face, and pressed against sweaty skin through cotton and lycra.

I started walking back briskly, unwilling to run with the weight of my thoughts liable to bounce and shatter in my head but too aware of impending muscle cramp to go slower and risk the chill.

Stones were turning in my mind and unpleasant things crawled out from under them.

I thought Billy was different.

I thought Jacob was honest.

I thought I had made a decision for once in my life.

I thought wrong.

By the time I had walked halfway back, I was cursing myself for not bringing my phone and cursing the sky above for darkening in the face of my rage. It was too cold for rain, Jacob had said earlier, and I really didn't want to experience snow for the first time while I was walking home. I started to jog again. It was harder now that I had allowed my body to cool down some. I pushed on, lengthening my strides.

_See, Seth? Not running away. Running towards._

God, I was so stupid! How could I think that Dad's flesh and blood would be any more honest with me than he was? How could I trust the brother of the man who shipped me off to America without any explanation or warning? I was on my own again. Well, not _again_, because I'd been on my own ever since Mum died, hadn't I?

I missed her so much.

Jacob and Seth were gone when I returned to the house that Billy built, but the man himself was sitting in the living room watching a football rerun.

"You just beat the snow," he commented, glancing outside at the ominous clouds.

_You just got caught, _I thought. I hovered in the doorway, opening and closing my mouth a few times as he watched the television obliviously. I wished I was better at confronting people. Or even mildly proficient.

"Uncle Billy?"

_Oh God, did I just say that? Maybe he didn't hear me oh God oh God ohGodohGod…_

He looked at me expectantly.

"Um… I ran past…" I trailed off and looked at the scuffed carpet where it was wearing bald in the left corner of the room, steeling myself. Deep breath. In. Get this out. "Um. I ran past the school. In La Push. It's big. You said it was small."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Uncle Billy freeze. Then he sighed and muted the game.

"Mu, come and sit down, I'll explain some things."

I fidgeted where I stood. "Um. I was just… wondering… why you lied. That's, um, all I need to know."

He gazed at me with world-weary eyes, dark and set in hard-won crowsfeet. I wondered if it was the wrinkles that had made me think he was honest. What was more honest than wrinkles?

"There's some things you aren't aware of," he said. "And it isn't my place to tell you. It's Jacob's, or maybe even Seth's if you would let him within five feet of you. I can't tell you what's going on, but I can tell you that I wanted to keep you out of it for your own good."

_For your own good._

"I'm sorry about lying to you. I had to try something. You shouldn't have ever come here. I wanted to make sure you could live normally."

_Your uncle will take care of you. We'll see how it goes._

"Mu?"

_Mu?_

"I can't deal with this," I muttered. I turned tail and ran to my room.

*.*.*.*

Jacob knocked two hours later.

He came and sat at the foot of my bed, which sagged under his bulk. I stayed in the windowsill, watching snow fall.

"Mu."

_Mm._

"Dad told me what happened."

_Mm._

"I'm sorry. I didn't know he'd told you that. I thought you chose to go there."

_Mm._

"I thought you liked your school."

I sighed, resting my head against the glass. "It isn't about the school."

"What's it about?"

"I thought I made a choice," I mumbled. "But no one really trusts me with that, do they?"

The duvet rustled as he shifted. "What do you mean? I trust you. Dad trusts you. He was just looking out for you how he thought was best."

I traced designs on the condensation idly. "Why do you think I'm here?"

"Because you're mad at Dad and the house is tiny?"

"No, _here. _In La Push."

"Oh. Uh. Because… your mom died?"

"I'm here because someone made the decision for me." I shifted around so my body faced him, but my gaze lingered on the floor. "After Mum got sick, no one asked me what I wanted. Ever. Not for her funeral, not for her clothes and things, not for moving, nothing. I hated it. So, when I got asked which school I wanted to go to… it was the first major decision I was allowed to make in months. Maybe a year or so. I thought I made it myself. But I didn't."

Jacob was silent. I looked up to see him gazing at me as though he had just fitted me perfectly into a particularly complex puzzle piece.

"Your dad never asked if you wanted to come here?"

I just looked at him. No one meant no one.

He frowned. "Mu, I'm so sorry. For him. And Dad. And me. I didn't know."

_I didn't tell you._

"How long was your mom sick?"

Something in my heart twisted as I remembered yellowing skin, thinning hair, pain that couldn't be fixed by modern medicine.

"She was diagnosed three years ago," I said quietly. "We thought she'd beaten it until June last year."

His gaze was assessing. "You're not okay at all, are you?"

"I'm fine."

He didn't look even slightly convinced. "Look, Mu, I understand why you're angry. And you have every right to be furious and sad and whatever else is going on up there. I get it, okay? I've been there. I was going to save this for when I thought you were ready, or when you asked, but…" he sighed and palmed his face before glancing at me again. "Do you want to know why Dad did what he did? The thing he can't tell you?"

The bitter seed of anger in my stomach was suddenly dulled with something else. How was I so fickle, to be swayed by my own curiosity? Yet I was. I nodded.

"Once you know, you can't unknow," he warned. "This is a tribal secret. You can't tell anyone who doesn't already know. Not your friends. Not your family. You have to decide now if you want that burden."

Curiosity bloomed again, bright in the gloom I had allowed myself to sink into. "I won't tell," I said. "I swear."

"You choose, of your own free will, to learn about this?"

I almost rolled my eyes at his careful inclusion of the fact it was my decision to make, but the moment felt too solemn and I was secretly deciding he was my favourite cousin for doing this anyway.

"I do," I said. "I want to know. No more secrets."

That was when Jacob Black, my cousin who I had met for the first time mere weeks ago, leant forward and told me about werewolves.

How they existed and were part of a history that I was woefully ignorant of.

Who, or what, they protected us from.

The two packs, who sometimes worked as a collective and who were still working to mend a rift caused by Bella Swan's transformation.

The plan Sam, the other Alpha, had to retire in about a year and hand sole responsibility to Jacob.

Imprinting, which sounded achingly bittersweet. Emily and Leah. Bella and Renesmee. Not what you wanted but always what you needed.

"I know it's a lot to take in," he said, "But I can prove it. Excuse me." He reached around me and opened the window. "Seth!"

I stared with wide eyes as a sandy wolf, _my _wolf, stepped slowly from the trees. His footprints were huge in the slush - it had stopped snowing at some point and the collective crystals of ice had begun to thaw - when he took each deliberating step, leaving evidence behind.

"I need you to phase back," Jacob said.

The wolf whined, ears flattening.

Jacob nudged me. "You ask him. He'll do it for you."

"Um. I need you to… phase… back?"

His rum coloured eyes locked onto mine, begging something from me that was beyond my grasp. I gazed, open-mouth, heart pounding, anticipating, wondering if this was somehow a hallucination or an extremely elaborate prank. Praying it was. Praying it wasn't.

The wolf turned into a naked boy before my eyes, crouched on the slushy lawn, eyes still intent on my face. Searching. Hoping?

"Oh," I said faintly. Jacob sad something else, but it was difficult to hear him with my heart pounding between my ears like that.

He was telling the truth. He was a wolf. Seth was a wolf. People were wolves. Wolves were people. I was related to wolf people. I was related to the fucking _alpha_ of the pack.

Who was once in love with a girl who was in love with a vampire.

There were vampires.

In Forks.

I was finding it kind of hard to breathe.

Hot hands rested on my knees. Somehow I had been moved so I was sitting on the bed. A quiet, steady voice told me to _breathe, just breathe, with me, in, out, just like that, breathe, I got you, I'm sorry, just breathe._ I obeyed and found myself looking at Seth, who was pinning me to Earth with his eyes.

Eyes that said, _you're back. _

Eyes that said, _don't do that again, _and other things I didn't want to focus on right now.

I let out a shaky breath at his prompting, collecting myself once more. Seth stayed where he was knelt on the floor, shifting so his forearms were resting against the shelf made by my thighs. I breathed him in, out, just like that.

"Um," I said. And then I couldn't think of anything else to say so I just spluttered some more.

His mouth quirked up at some bitter joke I didn't understand, the easy comfort becoming a harsh line.

"I think I need some time to, um, process… uh… the wolf… aspect…" I said falteringly, glancing between him and Jacob.

"Sorry to spring it on you like that," Jacob said. "I was sick of hiding it and I didn't think you'd have a panic attack."

"Um… how do people usually react when you turn into a giant wolf?"

"Kim hit Jared with a cast iron skillet," my cousin supplied cheerfully. "Sprained her wrist and dented the pan."

"Oh," I repeated, eyes wide. "Um. Yeah. This is really weird."

Seth, snorting at my obviousness, unfolded himself and stood, pulling pants on. Oh. He had been naked this _entire _time? My room was ridiculously tiny with two fully grown men - wolves? Men? - standing inside it. I shrank in on myself in the absence of his warmth to make room to breathe.

"Seth," Jacob said, "Go back on patrol. I'll be there soon. Tell Leah she can come off shift."

Seth growled.

Animalistic. Huh.

"Seth," Jacob said warningly. "Not now. You know that's not what she needs."

Reluctantly, he pushed off the wall. "Soon," the rum-eyed boy promised me. I believed him.

Jacob watched him leave before turning back to me. "Mu. I'm not making excuses for Dad. What he did was misguided. But he wanted to keep you as far away from all of this as possible. He wanted to give you a chance at a normal life. No one in my family really has that, except maybe Becca, but she lives in Hawaii so I doubt she'll ever come close enough to see the truth. I think Dad was scared that he would give you the same fate as me and Rachel."

"What fate is that?"

"Pack life. It's not bad. It just means you won't be able to live… uh… how normal people do."

"Why not?"

He seemed taken aback. "What do you mean?"

I frowned. "Why won't I be able to live normally? I won't tell anyone. I'm not going to put my life on hold because my cousin is a werewolf."

"Shifter," he corrected.

"Shifter," I allowed. A wave of tiredness crashed over me. "Just… can we talk about this later? I really do need to come to terms with it. Alone."

"Sure," he said easily. "I guess what I wanted to say was… if my Dad had a reason for keeping you at arm's length… maybe yours does too."

"This isn't arm's length," I mumbled, flopping back to stare at the ceiling. "It's as far away as he can legally toss me without investing serious money in it."

"Just think about it, okay?"

I was beginning to think that Jacob had mastered how to exit whilst provoking deep thoughts. In this case it was slightly wasted, however. I was still coming to grips with the fact that my family was more fucked up than I had ever realised.

*.*.*.*

"Are you okay?" Larry finally asked when I zoned out for the umpteenth time in the middle of Sally's latest fanatic album review. I didn't even know what the album was.

"Just tired," I said. The wolf dreams had returned with a vengeance after I discovered the pack, except they now had the addition of a beautiful stranger with red eyes who sent chills up my spine. They played mercilessly every time I got back to sleep.

There was also the dream of myself and the sandy coloured wolf swimming, where he kept me up when hands were trying to drag me down by my ankles, but that was a dream I wasn't willing to go near. I had woken right before the conclusion, shivering and whimpering from a cold that went deeper than December chills.

"Embry asked me to his house this weekend," she murmured under Sally's opinions, which only Chris was avidly listening to. Nate was playing Angry Birds and Tom had snuck off to another table to chat up Lindsay O'Donnel. "He said he wants to show me around the Rez."

Did that include a tour of the local wildlife?

I looked at her, at the sunshine hiding under her skin and in the corner of her smile, and then it clicked. How could I have missed it? She was Embry's. Or, based on what Jacob had told me, he was hers.

"Where's he going to take you?" I asked quietly, wondering if she was more of a cast iron skillet or panic attack kind of girl. Probably neither. She would probably have the same grace and poise as she usually did. But then again, she tended to fall apart when it came to Embry. Maybe it was his role to pick her up and put her together again, stronger than the original, flaws not hidden but completely fixed.

Larry shrugged, fighting the joy that threatened to collapse her poker-straight spine with its weight. "I don't care. I just want to spend time with him. And this is the only weekend I'll be able to see him in, like, a month. And-"

"Mu," Sally interrupted. "What are you doing this weekend?"

_Avoiding truths and best friends, why? _"Nothing yet."

"Come over. I want to give my new mic a try, and you still owe me a song."

Larry nudged me. "She has a point."

"Um. You want to record me?"

Sally nodded. "Duh. If I get one song, I want playback. Choose something sassy, I'm not in the mood for wailing and shit. I don't want to choose for you because I don't have any idea what you sound like."

"Fine," I said. "What time?"

"Chris can drive us home on Friday. Right?"

Chris was an Older Man, I had discovered. Which made it strange that he chose to hang out with us, but given that the alternative was Llana Stanley's colleagues, I could understand his choice.

"Wrong," he said, "I have work on Friday."

"You only work at Newton's, they aren't going to care if you're five minutes late."

"We can bus," I pointed out. "You don't live that far out, do you?"

She frowned. "I hate the bus."

_I hate having to pretend to be normal when there are wolves and vampires and all kinds of fucked up shit. _"Suck it up."

"Reowr," Nate said, finally giving up on his game. "When did Mu get claws?"

I shrugged.

Sally turned back to Chris and started interrogating him on how strict Newton's work policies were. I glanced over at Sid out of habit and he pointed to his phone. I glanced down at where my brick said I had a message waiting.

_Did it hurt?_

I snorted before replying. _**If you follow that with a pick up line I will disown you.**_

The answering text came quickly. _Sheesh, cut a guy a break. Old fashioned seduction clearly isn't working so I had to resort to other methods._

_**Old fashioned seduction?**_

_You know. Building up the sexual tension. _

_**Oh, obviously. You could cut that shit with a knife. How are you seducing me?**_

_Giving you The Look._

I glanced up, confused, to see Sid gazing at me intently over what appeared to be a duck pout. I cackled.

"What's so funny?" Larry asked curiously.

_**You're right. Gets me every time.**_

_I knew it. I'll catch you before homeroom._

"Sid," I explained. "He's being stupid. He reckons he's seducing me."

"He wants the V," Sally said.

Nate snorted into his pie.

"He wants a girlfriend," I corrected. "I've already told him no."

"You did? When?"

"When we went on that date a while back."

"You're still texting him," Larry observed. "You must still like him."

I sighed. "I haven't figured out if I like him, or his attention."

"Well," said Larry, "What is it you do like about him?"

"Um." I thought. "He's so normal. But not in a boring way. It's nice."

"So you like that he's a safe bet," Sally said, wrinkling her nose. "Gross."

"He isn't a safe bet," I protested, "Just... not a dangerous one."

She rolled her eyes and muttered something that sounded an awful lot like _same difference._

"So you like what he represents, and you like being all flirty with him." Larry shrugged innocently. "I think you should just cut the poor boy some slack and date him."

"Do you now?" I said absently, looking over at Sid, remembering The Kiss and The Kiss That Followed.

"It's your decision ultimately," she said, "But I think you could do a lot worse than Sid."

My decision. It was a heady feeling, to be able to make my own mistakes. But would it be a mistake to give Sid a chance, or to keep him away? Why was I so involved in my lovelife all of a sudden anyway? Maybe I should just forget everything. I was only 16, after all.

Sid the normal boy smiled at me from the middle of his conversation. I looked away.

Maybe simply having a maybe was the most exciting part.

I sighed and opened up my messages again. _**I don't think that's a good idea.**_

How could I involve anyone with my life until I figured out what was going on with it myself?

My phone buzzed with a reply. I pointedly tucked it into my pocket without checking. It was cruel, but Larry had been right with one thing. It was my decision, and that wasn't fair, because Sid had clearly already made his. It wasn't right to keep him waiting. And it wasn't right for me to get into a relationship. So no more flirting.

"So," I said, turning to Larry. "Tell me about Embry." _Does he make you happy? Happy enough to love yourself instead of being sad and angry?_

She blushed and looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. "I don't know what to say, Mu. I'm not the kind of girl who this stuff happens to. It's like he was made for me."

I tried not to show my reaction to the irony of that statement, hiding my expression behind a bite of my apple.

"Mu!" Sally called from across the table. "Have you decided what you're going to serenade me with yet?"

"No," I replied, amused by her impatience. "It'll be a surprise on the day."

"An artist? A clue? Anything?"

"Pick one," I challenged. _If you can. _

"No fair. I don't know what you sound like."

I shrugged. "Guess it'll be a surprise then."

She scowled. "Fine. But you better not show up and be half-assed."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

I walked the long way to homeroom to avoid Sid.

*.*.*.*

My wolf came to my window that night. I stared at him suspiciously.

"I know that's you," I pointed out. "And I'm not happy that I've been rambling to you this whole time."

He cocked his head to the side and lowered himself to his belly, crawling forward submissively until he was just under my window.

I sighed. "Either change back or go away. I can't have a one sided conversation. And I want to talk to you, not everyone else." I pushed the window open wider and stepped back, turning to put away my school books while I awaited his decision.

"What did you want to talk about?"

I jumped and spun to see him already standing behind me, half-dressed as always. How did he get in so soundlessly?

After a few moments, I had collected my thoughts again. "You said soon. When I found out. It's been a while."

"I didn't want to scare you away."

"Why?"

"You're pack."

I frowned. "What, because I live with Jacob?"

"Partially." He sat on the side of my bed, almost my height even like that.

"Partially?"

Seth raised an eyebrow. "Do you really want to know right now?"

Something about the way he said it made me hesitate. Did I? "I don't know. I don't know anything. But I know a lot more than some people." I sat down a small distance from him, pressed against the headboard with my arms around my knees. "It's confusing."

"It gets worse, trust me." He shuffled a bit so he was facing me. "That's all you wanted to talk about? You missed me?"

_No. Yes. I don't know._

I tucked my head into the tops of my knees rather than verbalise my whirlwind thoughts.

"Hey." His voice was softer, coaxing, as though he spoke to a small frightened animal. A warm hand rested around my ankle loosely. "You're alright."

"How do you know that?" I demanded, my voice muffled.

"I told you, I _know _you."

I lifted my head and glared at him. "I don't even know me. Stop saying that."

"I can help you with that if you want."

"I think people are sort of meant to figure out who they are by themselves."

"You'd be surprised," he told me, "how many people I know who only figured it out from meeting someone else."

I stared at him. There was something here just out of my grasp, and I knew that if I calmed down enough, it would click. It was just very hard to do when you were processing the fact that everyone you knew had a massive furry secret and your first normal friend had been imprinted on by a werewolf.

Sorry. _Shifter. _

"I dream about wolves every night," I said abruptly. "And the forest. And strangers with odd eyes. I'm sleeping and I can't rest. My cousin is the leader of a shape-shifting wolf pack and on the brink of inheriting another. You're a damn wolf. And I have to go to school and pretend that none of this is happening and that I'm _normal _and I give a shit about what's happening with everyone else. I. Am _not._ Alright."

"You will be," he said firmly.

I tucked myself back into my little ball of denial and felt him move his hand to the back of my neck, rubbing soothing circles in the flesh there. The warmth of his hand made me malleable and chased away the dull roar that had been in my head since Jacob had revealed this secret world to me. I didn't particularly want anyone near me right now, but I liked the warmth leaching into my bones.

That was when it hit me.

Not what you wanted, but always what you need.

Slowly, I lifted my head and gazed at him. "Seth. Tell me the truth. Why am I pack?"

He appraised me, hand now draped over my shoulder, thumb tracing my collarbone. "You already know," he said finally.

"Please, just tell me."

His hand withdrew and I held myself still as that tug - that finally explainable _tug _- pulled me after him.

"You're pack because you're my imprint," he said simply, watching me for my reaction.

I watched him back, finally understanding as the piece of me that hadn't fit recently - the piece that was apparently _his _- finally snapped into place.

"I don't get a choice," I said quietly after a while.

Something flickered in his eyes. "No. _I _don't get a choice. You could walk away from everything and still live a relatively normal life."

I couldn't look at him any longer, so I knotted my hands in the duvet and stared at that instead. "Why didn't anyone tell me sooner?" _Why didn't you tell me sooner?_

"You reacted pretty badly to finding out about the pack. I was worried you'd actually black out if you realised you were in deeper than blood."

"Deeper than blood?" I repeated incredulously. "That's what this is? Deeper than my family?"

"You already knew that." His hands covered mine, stilling them as they ripped into the fabric mercilessly. "Jacob told you about imprinting."

I slid my hands out from under his. "I don't get it. Why don't I feel it? Shouldn't I be able to feel something like this?"

He raised that damn eyebrow again. "Don't you?"

"No, I-" My words were cut off by a gasp as the tug returned with a vengeance, stealing my breath. What was wrong with me? Oh god, it was hard to breathe, there was a weight on my chest and it hurt it hurt _ithurtithurtitHURT…_

His hands were on me and I could breathe again. I took deep, shuddering breaths as the horrible feeling slowly subsided, the heavier warmth of his touch on my shoulders and neck chasing it away.

"I've been holding it back from you," he said quietly. "Hurts, doesn't it?"

I opened my eyes and raised my head slowly, still trembling. "That's you?"

"That's me. And you. Kind of."

"All the time?"

"Not right now."

My hands came up to grip his forearms and I almost sighed at the added relief the skin contact gave. "Because you're touching me?"

"Yeah." He ran his thumb over my jaw reassuringly. "I won't make you feel it again. I won't hurt you. Don't worry. I can hold it back pretty well."

"When you're holding it back… does that mean half of what you feel is meant to be mine?"

He withdrew his hands from me and let them fall into my lap, where I continued to grip them like a lifeline. He stared at our entwined fingers for a moment before his mouth quirked up slightly. "Not half. The wolf's pull is always stronger. It's a claim. It's… difficult to fight."

"Why fight it?" I asked, curious. "I haven't exactly been nice to you. Why cause yourself pain?"

"Your pain would be worse. If I let it go, if I caused you harm, it'd come back to me threefold. It'd be less for about five seconds, and then it'd be so much more when I knew you were hurting because of me."

"Oh. Why does it hurt? Is it meant to?"

He shook his head. "It hurts because we're not together. Or in close proximity."

I stared at him as he still avoided my gaze. "You could have forced me. When this first happened, if I had felt this, I wouldn't have known any better. That's why Larry's always happy when Embry's around, right? Because she can feel it?"

He exhaled and glanced up at me. "Tell me something. If I had never shown you what it felt like, if I had just let you keep on thinking it was one sided, would we be sitting here right now?"

I opened my mouth, but then he pointedly squeezed my hand where it was clasped by his and I closed it again with a frown when I saw his point.

"You're all about choices," he said. "I wanted you to be able to choose."

"What if I don't choose you?" I asked softly. It was cruel, but I needed to know. Did I _really _have any choice here if the alternative was knowingly causing someone agonising pain?

He closed his eyes a moment, and when he opened them there was steely resolve. "Then you don't choose me. You go and live your life wherever you want and I'd be here, running patrols."

"That's unfair. Neither of us asked for this."

"I did."

I frowned, confused again. "What do you mean?"

"I wanted an imprint," Seth admitted, casting his eyes down again. "It's not meant to be so common, you know that? In the old legends, in the records of the old packs, there were maybe one or two mentions of it. But almost everyone in our pack is paired off. And I saw it, every day. The life I couldn't have, because I could never have that with someone normal, it wouldn't be fair to make them live with the threat of an imprint hanging over us. And you can't exactly force an imprint. It's fate."

I shuffled closer to him and leaned against one broad shoulder. "I'm sorry I can't be what you wanted."

"Haven't you been listening?" Seth asked wryly, detangling one hand so he could slide it around my waist. "It's not about want. It's about need. On both sides."

"A while ago, you said you'd be whatever I wanted," I said quietly. "I can't promise you anything. I can't. I won't. I don't even… my existence here is temporary. But if… I mean, if we need to be around each other… we can try to be friends."

_Don't suffer for me. We can be broken beside each other if it makes it easier. Just not together._

He inhaled deeply and kissed the top of my head. "Friends sounds great, Elle."

*.*.*.*


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry that this story is taking so long to update. I figured I'd give you a bit of a twisty chapter for your loyalty, if anyone is still with me at this point... **

***.*.***

I could feel Seth's eyes as I scribbled furiously in my notebook. His fingertips rested against my foot; his gaze rested against my cheek and brow.

He'd come by every night since we decided to be friends.

"Stop staring at me."

"No."

I paused to glare at him, then continued valiantly under his steady observation.

"Don't you have places to be?"

"No."

"Get a job. I hear they're time-consuming."

"I have one. This is it."

"Bothering me?"

"Attending to your every whim and need."

I sighed and levelled my gaze once more at the boy in front of me. "How is irritating the crap out of me attending to my every whim and need? This imprint is bullshit so far."

He just smiled innocently at me. "This is what friends do."

"My friends don't do this."

"Maybe you haven't made the right friends."

"Maybe I like my friends better when they don't come with lupine tendencies."

He snorted. "Trying to confuse me with big words, El? I'm not as dumb as you seem to think."

"I don't think you're dumb."

He narrowed his eyes at me and leaned in slightly, invading my personal space. Challenging. "Liar."

"I never lie."

"That's, like, the second biggest lie you've ever told."

I frowned. "What was the first?"

"I'll let you figure that one out. What are you writing?"

"None of your business."

"Something's bothering you. Wanna tell someone other than your notebook for once?"

"No."

He sighed and flopped onto his back, managing to keep one hand in contact with me as he did so. "You're cruel to me."

"Am not."

He turned his head to gaze at me beseechingly.

I snorted. "No. It's not even anything, alright? It's just a mind map."

"For what?"

_For the damn wolf dreams I've been having every fucking night. _"Things."

"You're so fucking secretive, you know that?"

_Oh good. Now he's angry. Well done, Mu, you seem to have a talent for pissing off the one person who's stuck with you forever._

"For a girl who seems to be really good at communicating with a Goddamn piece of paper," he continued, "You _suck _at communicating with actual human beings. It's like pulling fucking teeth. Can you just give me damn hint? Something's wrong and you _know _I can feel it so I don't get why you keep trying to hide it."

My grip on my pen tightened. "Stop taking it so personally, it's not about keeping things from y-"

Suddenly I felt itchy all over, words and implications buzzing under my skin like faulty wiring in an old house. Something was out of place. Everything shattered and when I tried to assemble it again the pieces didn't fit. I tried to push them into place, gasping with the effort, but they cut my thoughts into ribbons.

The thoughts, the buzzing, the _noise _started getting too loud and I drew into myself, squeezing my eyes shut to try and quiet it. A pervasive sense of _not right _pooled in the pit of my stomach and the back of my throat. It was wrong, something was wrongwrong_wrongWRONG…_

_There was howling and snarling and the wolves were coming they were coming and I couldn't see anything but they were coming and they shouldn't be because there was danger I could smell it and taste it bitter bitter bitter on my tongue but they were still coming-_

I was dimly aware of Seth's voice before I was drawn against sunshine itself and the noise started to burn away beneath the almost unbearable heat.

"Come back, Eleanor," Seth was saying, quiet but assertive. "Come back now. I got you."

I came into myself curled upon his lap, clutching at his shoulders. My breathing was ragged and my head pounded. I forced myself to relax my hands so that they weren't digging into his shoulders, almost crying out at the cramped feeling in them. How long had I clawed at him?

He started to loosen his hold on me and I panicked, looping my arms around the back of his neck and clinging to him like a child, pressing my face against his neck.

"It's alright," he soothed, his voice rumbling from his chest to mine. "I've _got _you, El. I'm not letting go. I promise." His arms tightened around my back to prove his point. "Come on. Talk to me. Tell me what happened."

"Something's wrong," I whispered after a moment. Reality snarled and tangled, catching on the edges of the room and on the lines of Seth's forearms. "Something doesn't fit."

"Doesn't fit where?"

I hesitated, trembling. I didn't know what it was or where it came from. All I knew was that the acrid taste of _wrong _lingered in my mouth.

"I don't know," I admitted weakly. "I don't know how to explain it."

Seth hummed and slipped one hand under the back of my shirt so he could slowly drag his large palm up and down over my skin. I melted into him, relaxing my death grip again. A slow kind of exhaustion settled into my bones underneath the humming buzzing of my skin.

"Don't go."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Clarity hit me, a sweet and pure note in the midst of the cacophony. _Seth could help._

I roused myself enough to raise my head and look up at his face. He was impassive, but I thought that was probably more for my benefit than his.

"You need to tell someone," I said. "It's not me that's wrong, it's the p-pack. And maybe me, I don't know, it's all broken. I couldn't see."

He frowned. "El, you're not making sense."

"Please." I tried to look him in the eyes but I couldn't focus properly. I didn't want to be right. I wanted to be crazy. Because I was fairly certain that being right would lead to something bad.

"Alright. I'm going to have to let go of you a bit so I can reach my phone."

I shifted to accommodate him, a limpet on one arm as he swiped his phone from my desk and started scrolling through his contacts.

"Jake. Yeah. No, she's not, but it's not what you think. I don't know. You need to come see us, man. Maybe you'll know what this is about."

And then I was back in his hold and he was rubbing my back again as I curled in on myself. I tried to think what to say. What had I not-seen?

Wolves.

Danger.

But where from?

Jacob was here.

"I don't know," Seth was saying. "We were just talking and then she flipped out and started shaking. Fuck. What if she's like Alice?"

"She's not like Alice," Jacob said firmly. I felt a hand on my arm and looked up to my cousin gazing at me calmly. Not impassive, like Seth. Just calm. Still. A lake. He fuzzed around the edges. I wasn't quite back from the in between yet, even with my anchor holding me and my lake reflecting what was real.

"Mu," he said, "What happened?"

"Wolves," I said. "I don't know. There were wolves and something was wrong. There was danger but they kept coming. Something doesn't fit. It's _wrong."_

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head, agitation stirring again. "I don't _know."_

Seth tightened his grip. "Jake," he warned.

"I know," Jacob murmured to him, and then his eyes were back on me. "Eleanor," he said. His voice was different. It wound into my bones and made me _focus. _"You're safe. Tell me what happened."

I _breathed _as my lungs _finally _unlocked and closed my eyes for a moment, overcome. "I don't know what happened. I was talking to Seth and writing. And then-" _wrongwrongWRONG _"-then I was itchy, and then it broke and I tried to put everything back but I couldn't because it was wrong. And then there were wolves. And danger."

His brow furrowed. "What broke?"

"Everything. The room. Everything."

"And what did you see when you saw the wolves? What was the danger?"

_No. That wasn't right. _I shook my head. "I didn't see anything. I heard it. I smelt it. I could _taste _it-" _bitter bitter bitter on my tongue _"-but not see it."

My anchor and my lake exchanged looks over my head.

"One more thing," Jacob said slowly. "What were you writing about, Mu?"

*.*.*

"You didn't tell me your wolf dreams were that bad."

I lifted my head from the pillow and glared at Seth, who had been running slow and soothing hands over my calves. I was tired. This was taking forever.

"Usually," I said, "Dreams about wolves don't mean anything. Pardon me if I'm not used to the supernatural world yet. And I was distracted at the time. I'm still recovering from the fact that my family carries a recessive _wolf gene." _

He didn't glare back at me. He wasn't angry. He just gazed at me for a while while one eyebrow crept upward. "You might want to adjust faster," he said.

"Dick," I muttered, resisting the childish urge to kick him. It'd probably just hurt me, and then he'd be sitting there with his pretty eyes laughing at me for being stupid and I'd be too angry to laugh with him.

He shrugged. "If you weren't so paranoid about sharing, we probably could have avoided this."

Jacob was on the phone to his ex-almost-girlfriend, the vampire.

I closed my eyes again and waited for the load that had been piled up, piece by boulder since learning The Truth days ago, to subside again.

Seth squeezed my calves lightly, pretty eyes intent on me when the tide had passed.

"You'll be fine," he said.

I frowned. How did he know?

"I won't let you not be," he added in response to my confusion.

"And I suppose you control the universe?"

Seth smiled. "You're catching on. Finally."

Jacob turned to face us, bringing the phone down slightly. "We're going to the Cullen house. Edward's going to have a look. Corner in five. Sneak her out the window."

Oh, goodie. The mind reading vampire was going to have a look.

_The window?_

Seth stood and scooped me up, shushing me when I squeaked. "Billy won't want you near the vamps," he said. "He's still in denial about you being normal."

Me too, Uncle Billy.

Seth balanced me on the sill with my legs dangling out and alighted gracefully before reaching up and pulling me to him once more.

"Friends don't manhandle other friends," I whispered.

"Guess this is as good a time as any to admit that I'm a fucking terrible friend," Seth rumbled back.

"I could have walked."

"Could you?"

"Yes," I said as the slight movement of his motion made things static around the edges again.

He snorted quietly. "You're such a liar."

I placed my hand on the bare skin exposed by the collar of his soft cotton tee, seeking that small bit of comfort that I had discovered came from it.

We went through the woods rather than walk by the house's baleful, watching windows. Seth tucked me into him better so he could navigate the trail that cut out onto the street again. I reflected that many things had changed since I had found out The Truth.

Jacob was waiting for us in the street with the truck, which Seth carefully placed me in. I stopped him with a glare when he went to do up my seatbelt.

I wasn't glass. And even if I was, I had already shattered.

Seth rested his hand on my wrist. Not holding hands. Just contact. I was grateful for the difference.

The Cullen house was huge. And hidden. And accompanied by a feeling of dread.

Seth must have sense my growing tension, because he offered me his arm as I stepped down instead of picking me up again.

I glanced at him. _Thank you. _

The corner of his mouth curled up slightly.

The door was unlocked.

The vampires were in the sitting room.

I knew they had a family situation happening, but there was still something infinitely sacrificial about this.

The one with bronze hair shook his head. "No sacrifice tonight, Mu."

My name sounded strange when spoken with velvet familiarity. I fought the urge to wince.

_Found the mind reader._

There were four vampires. Edward, who stood close to a woman I assumed was Bella. And a waif with artfully chaotic black hair. And a slim blonde man whose eyes took in everything.

They were beautiful. I was terrified, for a moment, but then something syrupy overcame me and I forgot what fear was.

Such nice vampires, to meet us so late at night.

Oh wait.

They didn't sleep.

Wasn't that _funny?_

"Too much, Jazz," Edward warned.

The syrup turned to water, waves of calm washing over me instead of pulling me down into their cloying mess. I breathed. The fear was back. Manageable. Like a dart in the side. Not life threatening, but sharp enough to require attention.

Seth had wrapped his arm around me at some point. "That wasn't neccessary," he said. "She's fine."

The blonde one shrugged elegantly and looked completely unapologetic.

"Would you like a seat?" maybe-Bella Cullen asked politely.

I hesitantly set down on the sofa. Seth sat beside me so close that his leg pressed against mine. Jacob sat at a more respectable distance on the other side.

"This is Jasper and Alice," Edward said to me, gesturing to the other two. "And yes, this is Bella. It's nice to finally meet you, Eleanor."

Um. "You too," I said.

Edward sat on another sofa, the rest of the room fluidly following his suit. Except Jasper, who watched everything from behind his Alice.

"Jacob tells me you've been having some... Trouble."

I tensed. That's one way to describe it, certainly.

There was a lull.

"You'll have to think about it," the vampire prompted gently.

I don't want to. He knew this. He held my gaze sympathetically. I looked down at where Seth's arm has edged onto my thigh, palm up and unassuming. I don't want to do this. Any of this. But I still think back.

Seth.

Talking.

Arguing.

_Shattering._

I grabbed onto Seth's hand sometime around then. His thumb stroked small circles on my skin as I remembered losing myself. I tried to focus objectively on the memory. It's not happening now. I am here. He has me. He's not letting go.

_Come back now, Eleanor._

Abruptly I forced myself out of the memory and slammed into music instead. Seth's hand was warm. I thought of the Civil Wars and _my faaaaather's father's blood is ooooon the track..._

Edward looked at Alice. Alice was looking at me.

"It's not the same," she said. "Eleanor, do you understand my gift?"

"You see things," I said. I haven't seen anything, have I?

Just heard. And smelt. And tasted.

"I don't remember being human," she admitted. Her voice is like bells and clinks against my shards. "I don't know if I was ever like you. But dreams..."

"I used to dream," Bella said quietly. "About wolves. But not like this."

_I am not Bella Cullen._ I do not have a destiny to play out. I have a wolf and an identity crisis.

"It wasn't a dream the last time." Edward is back to looking at me. "That was sudden and uncontrolled. It wasn't a hallucination. Something broke through your defenses. Something snapped."

"We need Eleazar," Alice decided. "He'll help us. Quietly. He can tell us if this is anything or not."

_Who is Eleazar?_

"He can see hidden talents," Edward said in answer to my thoughts.

_I don't have hidden talents. _

_Breathe, Mu. _

I stood and walked outside, nearly stumbling once I was past the door. Hot hands gripped my hips and steadied me until I sank down on the steps, head in my hands.

He didn't touch me. He just waited.

Eventually I sagged sideways into him, resting my head on his shoulder.

Seth curled his arm around me. "Stop freaking out. You're fine."

"You keep saying that, but I'm not really believing you."

"You're _gonna_ be fine, then."

"How do you know?"

He chuckled. "I keep telling you. I know you. You aren't that hard to figure out."

I hummed, too tired to argue. "What if they're right?"

"About you having a gift? Then we get an extra early warning system. Welcome to the pack. It's about time you started pulling your weight around here."

My elbow jabbed him ineffectively. "Gifted humans don't usually stay human."

"Gifted humans aren't usually my imprint," he replied. His voice was light but his arm tensed reflexively.

"You're not answering me properly," I pointed out.

"We don't even know if you are," he said. "No point worrying about it until then. And no one's gonna turn you into anything you don't want. You live on the Rez and your cousin is an alpha with ties to local and international vamps. That's about as safe as it gets."

We sat for a while more, the biting almost-Christmas air in contrast to the wolf by my side.

"I don't know how I'm meant to go to school after this," I admitted.

"It's almost the break. You won't have to, soon."

"I should never have gone to Forks. I should have stayed on the Rez."

"You have friends." Seth gathered both of my chilly hands in the remaining free one of his. "You could play normal."

"Normal shouldn't be a game," I said bitterly.

He sighed and rested his chin atop my head. "You're not the only one, El. The pack. The supernatural shit. Everyone gets fucked by it. You learn to survive."

_I know._ It didn't make it any easier.

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow."

"So don't." He lifted his head. "Jake can call in for you."

"I want to go home."

"Then I'll take you home."

I sat up and let him lead me towards the truck. I even let him help me in and belt me up when my partially thawed fingers fumbled.

"Jake will catch up later," he said as we pulled out of the long driveway.

The woods flew by us. They were dark and silent. I pressed my forehead to the glass and wished my mind would do the same.

*.*.*

I couldn't remember my dreams the next morning, but I knew I had them. I remembered waking up and Seth telling me it was okay and was _I _okay? Because he'd go back to the chair if I was. I remembered crying at one point, although I didn't know what I had lost or why.

Seth wasn't there when I finally woke up for real to grey light filtering through from the outside. I stared at the chair in the corner for a good while before I decided that last night hadn't been some nightmarish experience. I had actually gone to a vampire house. And I might have a gift. And I was wagging school today.

I rolled over and grabbed my notebook out of habit. I was already sitting up with the pen pressed to the page when I hesitated.

_What if I set it off again?_

I set the book back warily.

The house was empty. I wondered if Jacob had ever made it back, or if he'd stayed so he could watch over Renesmee.

_Odd name, that. _Not what I would have picked for a child. Or a pet. Or anything, really.

I made a mental note not to think about that when Edward was around. He might get offended. He and his abnormally beautiful wife probably felt quite proud after coming up with that one.

Although I had just woken up, I felt exhausted. My legs ached as if I had run the entire night. My eyes were itchy and sore. I put the kettle on in hopes that tea would solve my problems. It usually did.

Daytime television wasn't much good regardless of which country you were in. But then I found the movie channel. They were playing _Labyrinth. _

David Bowie wore very tight pants in that film.

I wondered if Sarah Williams has kept any of her special powers when she had returned to the world above. If denying the King had meant that she was denying that part of herself too. I wondered how she had gone to school on Monday and pretended that none of this had happened. Growing up via a magical adventure was all fun and games on the screen, but what happened after the credits rolled?

Had the Goblin King really been in love with her, or had that just been a way for him to tempt her romanticized ideas of life? Had he been trapped by her words as much as she had? Would he have chosen another way if he could?

I switched it off and lay back on the couch under a comforter, eyes shut. Rain fell softly outside. If it got much colder, we might have snow later.

If I was at home I would be planning beach trips right around now.

My phone vibrated. I looked at it and saw a message from Sid asking if I was alright.

I ignored it.

*.*.*

Sally called me on Saturday morning.

"You're not allowed to be sick," she said. "I was promised singing. I allowed you yesterday to recover. Get your ass over here."

*.*.*

"Sid thinks you're avoiding him," Sally said as she fiddled with her laptop. We were in her garage. Her parents didn't want us making noise in the main house.

I shrugged. "I am."

She raised an eyebrow. "When did you get bitchy? Put the boy out of his misery if you don't want him."

She was right, but I just started testing the microphone instead of replying. I didn't want to get into another discussion about Sid. I felt about ten years older than the girl who was talked into going on a date, and that meant I was now far too old for the politics of high school dating.

"Okay. I've got it." She glanced up from the laptop again, excited now. "You ready? Should I count you in or something?"

"Just start the music," I said, my mouth twitching. She was way too into this.

_When Rome's in ruins…_

True to Sally's request, I had picked something more upbeat in the form of Fall Out Boy's _Young Volcanoes. _I closed my eyes and tried to ignore her speculation. It felt awkward. I usually sang to the dishes while I washed them, not to my friend as she recorded me.

Singing felt good. I forgot how good it felt when the longer notes swelled from me. Almost carthritic.

Sally was silent for a minute when I finished. I fidgeted.

My fingertips itched for paper. I pushed it away.

"You're good," she said finally. "Like, _good. _You should be on YouTube. You could be famous."

_No._

I shook my head.

"Seriously," Sally said, standing and crossing to me. "Please. _Please. _I could be your producer. People would love it-"

"Um, no," I interrupted. "I don't want… that. I don't want my face out there."

She deflated a little. "Oh. Well. Alright then. No biggie. Just my dreams of producing an unsigned artist crumbling."

"Um. Sorry." I set the microphone back on the stand. "I'm just not… I'm not the famous type of person. I don't want it. Even if it was just fifty people who knew my name it'd be too much." _And given the amount of supernatural activity in my life, I can't really commit to anything right now._

She sighed, then perked up. "What if I could just use your voice a bit? I won't credit you or anything if you don't want it. Or I could credit you under an alias. Please?"

I wavered. If I didn't get recognition at all, surely it would be alright? I would just be an anonymous voice. Sally was the artist.

So I nodded.

"YES!" Sally shouted, dancing on the spot. "Oh fuck, I wish I had champagne right now. I think we have some wine in the fridge. That's close enough, right?"  
>"It's, um, two o'clock in the afternoon."<p>

She pinned me with a look. "Eleanor Black. We are celebrating. Don't kill my vibe. I'm getting you some sauvignon blanc and you are going to drink it and be happy."

"Alright," I said, wondering what her definition of _some _was.

*.*.*

_Some _was two bottles later at four PM and me drunkenly crooning Jhene Aiko and trying not to giggle.

"Okay," Sally announced. "We're going to try some of my shit. You're fucking amazing. Here, have a listen."

We ran the track through twice. On the third try, I started singing along.

*.*.*

"I hope this is as good when we're sober," Sally said as she played it back. We'd added some things to it, little breathy high notes and sliding harmonies.

"I don't sing the best with wine," I admitted. "There's no control."

"It's fine," she said. "Let's go get some food. We should probably sober up before mom and dad get back from the Wilkenses."

There was still half an open bottle. It seemed a shame to waste it.

*.*.*

Seth came by at five. I was not sober.

"I thought I was staying," I complained when I saw him on the doorstep.

"If you answered your phone, you'd know there's been a change of plans," he said evenly. "You been drinking?"

"Who's this?" Sally demanded, eyeing him up.

"This is Seth."

"_This _is Seth?" She turned to me and gaped. "Well, shit, no wonder you don't want Sid anymore."

Seth's face darkened in a way that almost could have been a blush if he were capable of such things.

"Got your bag packed?" he asked.

I turned without replying and strode to Sally's room to pick up my bag. When I turned around I almost ran into Seth.

"Jesus _fuck," _I snapped, "Do you have to have such a close following distance?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Just came to carry your bag, El." He plucked it out of my hand and slung it over his shoulder, starting back down the passageway. I trailed behind him guiltily.

Sally clutched my arm on the way out.

"Don't forget to use a condom," she hissed. "And if you marry him I want to be bridesmaid at your wedding."

I felt myself go bright red. "Goodbye!" I blurted out and practically ran to the truck where Seth was waiting.

Sally waved us off cheerfully.

I lolled back against the door with my legs up and watched Seth drive, taking in the clean lines of his limbs and the small tear in the shoulder of his shirt.

"Why are we going?"

"Embry told Larry the truth," Seth said. "Turns out she's not a frying pan kind of gal either. She freaked and made him leave. Jake's there, but she wants you."

I frowned. "Shit. See what happens when I try to be normal for a day?"

He laughed. "If this is you being normal, we should get you normal more often."

"I don't think I'm supernatural appropriate right now."

"No," he agreed. "We'll get you sobered up a bit first. Don't worry."

We drove in silence for a while until he glanced over at me with a grin.

"You gonna stop staring anytime soon?"

"I'm not staring," I said defensively. "I'm observing."

He laughed again. "And you say I'm the stalker. What'd you guys get up to, anyway? Didn't expect you'd be halfway shitfaced when I came to get you."

"Sally wanted to hear me sing. We recorded some stuff. She wants me to be famous but I said no."

"Well, opinion is really the only thing that matters when it comes to getting famous."

"You're a sarcastic little shit sometimes," I complained.

Seth chuckled. "And you swear when you drink. It's cute."

"I'm not _cute," _I said, wrinkling my nose. "Do you know what the definition of cute even is?"

"Do tell."

"Ugly but interesting." I poked his leg with my toe. "You're mean."

He grabbed my feet and brought them up onto his lap, resting a hand on them so I wouldn't keep prodding him. "Sorry. I don't think you're ugly but interesting. You're beautiful and completely boring."

"That's better."

We passed by my street and I looked at him in confusion. "Where are we going?"

"Billy's probably not gonna like you coming home drunk from your friend's house before it's even dark," he pointed out. "We're going to my house."

"But what if your mum is there?"

"Pretend to be sober."

I frowned. "I'm not good at lying. You can always tell."

"That's because I know you, El. You'll be fine." He reached back in the cab and produced a half full water bottle. "Here. Drink this to start with. You're more tipsy than drunk, you'll be fine in about an hour."

"Who's is this?" I took the bottle warily.

"Mine, Your Majesty. I promise I don't have cooties."

I shrugged. "You get cooties from _kissing, _Seth. And we're not kissing."

He mumbled something under his breath as I drank. He shifted gear as we pulled into a driveway. I straightened myself up and slipped out of the cab when he opened the door for me, almost tripping over a protruding root.

He shook his head at me, amused.

"I'm fine," I said a little too loudly, embarrassed.

Seth glanced at the house. "No one's home I think. I can't hear anyone."

"You're outside the house. You can't hear shit."

He looked at me. "I can hear pretty good. Werewolf perk. Come on." He took my hand and led me after him, guiding me over the mushy ground in the fading light.

Five minutes later I was sitting on his bed with a full water bottle and a peanut butter sandwich. Seth was tearing into a stack of his own sandwiches beside me.

"So you don't get drunk in the woods like a normal teenager, but you go and get drunk on wine in your friend's garage?"

I was trying not to grin through my peanut butter. "I got drunk on the beach that time. You weren't there."

"I was. I just wasn't allowed close."

"Why not?"

He shrugged. "You just got here. Jake didn't know what I was going to do when the imprint was fresh. It's hard."

"What was it like?" I asked curiously. "Imprinting. Like, I thought you were just weird. But there was this whole wolf thing happening."

Seth laughed, but this time the rum-rich sound was clouded with a bitter edge. "It's not really something you can describe in words. I guess it's like… nothing that happened before then even mattered. For a minute it was just you. But then I came back a little and realised how many people were around, and their exact position in regards to you. Because they were all potential threats, and I was willing to take them all out. To keep you safe."

I blinked. "Oh."

"It's intense," he said. "You're the one who asked."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I just thought you were socially awkward." I leaned against him, finished eating, seeking comfort.

"Thanks," he said wryly, but his arm still crept around me so I could snuggle in properly.

We sat introspectively for a while.

"We should probably go now. I don't think I'm drunk anymore. It was fun while it lasted."

"It always is."

"Speaking from experience?"

Seth sighed. "You remember how I told you I wanted the imprint? How it was hard for me to not have the same connection everyone else did?"

"Yeah."

"I went a little crazy for a while." His hand had found where my shirt had ridden up over my hip and his thumb drug slowly over the exposed skin. "Takes a lot to get a wolf drunk. It's easier if you're high as shit at the same time."

"So you _were_ high when I met you?"

"I was coming down. Probably another reason Jake didn't want me around you."

I frowned. "Um. Right."

He let out an amused little huff. "I can tell you're just itching to get judgemental. You don't understand it though. But that's okay, I wouldn't want you to. Point is I don't do that shit anymore."

"Why?"

"Don't need to." He withdrew his arm from me and stood, pulling me up after him. "Come on. You're good to go now. Embry will be out of his fucking mind still."

"How did she know to ask for me?" I said as we headed for the truck again.

"I think he thought that if she knew she wasn't the only one she might calm down."

I frowned. "That's so much worse. Now she knows I've been keeping secrets."

"Because you were such an open book before?"

I smacked his arm as he drove, careful not to hit too hard and injure myself. "You're an idiot. This is not the same thing. This is wolves. This is actually important."

He shook his head at me.

"What?" I demanded. "You can't see how werewolves ranks higher than teenage angst on the scale of life?"

"We're not werewolves. We're shifters."

"That's such a technicality."

We pulled into another unfamiliar driveway and immediately I was being hauled out of the car by a frantic-looking Embry and bundled towards the door.

"You gotta get in there," he said anxiously. "You know what she could do, you gotta talk her down."

"I thought Jacob was there?"

"She wouldn't let him in and he wouldn't let me break in, and then Collin found something on the border so he had to go." He deposited me on the doorstep and glared at me. "Get in there, you're wasting time!"

I glanced over his shoulder at Seth, who didn't look happy at his manhandling, then knocked on the door hesitantly.

"Larry? It's me. Um. Mu. Can I come in?"

The locks in the door turned and Larry's thin hand lunged out to drag me in, holding far more strength than I had believed her delicate bones could handle. It was pretty much dark and my eyes were still adjusting when she flung her skinny arms around my neck and clung to me. Shuddery breaths were huffing against my shoulder. I held her awkwardly, as best I could, and reached out with one hand to find the light switch behind me.

_Just a little… there._

Cheap yellow light flooded the room and I saw a blanket lying discarded in a heap in the corner. I wondered if she'd been cocooning herself in it.

I made soothing sounds and stroked her back.

_It's okay. _

_I'm here._

_It's okay._

_Tell me what's wrong._

_Come on._

_You're safe._

She eventually let go of me and we sat out the couch. She clutched my hand tightly. I tucked the blanket around her, worried she was going to go into shock at some point.

"He's a wolf," was the first thing she said. "A fucking _wolf."_

"I know," I said. "But he's not dangerous, Larry, none of them are."

"They're wolves, Mu! How long have you known?"

"Not long."

"_How long?"_

I shrugged uselessly. "Only for about a week I think? Feels like longer."

"Why didn't you warn me?" she cried, a wild creature trapped by the dim light, hair mussed, eyes frantic.

"I couldn't," I said miserably. "That's like, the only rule. No telling."

"You're my friend! You might have broken the rules for me!"

"Would you really have believed me if I told you your boyfriend was a wolf?"

She sagged, the fight leaving her. "This is so fucked up."

"Yeah."

"Like, I'm fucked up. But this is more fucked up."

"I know."

"Like, I thought I was going to be the weird one in this relationship. But he's a _wolf."_

I hummed in agreement. "So, how much did you listen to before you freaked out?"

"He turned into a wolf and then I ran inside the house."

"Right. Um. Any questions?"

Larry groaned. "Why is he a wolf?"

"It's a tribal thing. Gets passed down through the bloodlines. They're not real werewolves. They're shifters. Our people used to be spirit warriors. It's a long story but basically the wolves are the warriors of the tribe, and they protect us from other things that are out there."

She stared at me. "What other things?"

"Um." I wished she wasn't holding my hand, because I could practically hear the bones grinding under her death grip. "Vampires are real. There's some in Forks but they're nice and don't eat humans. And then there's others that aren't so nice that come around occasionally. That's what the wolves protect us from."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"_Shit."_

"Yeah, I know." I carefully extracted myself from her claws, massaging my poor fingers with my other hand when they were free. "Did he tell you about the imprint?"

"He may have said something about it but I was kind of hyperventilating at the time. Did I mention that he's a wolf, or did you miss that?"

"Okay. Um." I glanced at the door, sure he was listening. "So, I think that would best be explained by him, so would it be alright for him to come back now?"

She lunged for me again, eyes wide. "No! Don't leave."

"I'm not going to," I assured her. "Just give Embry a chance to explain."

"I don't know."

"Haven't you felt it?" I asked. "That little tug that pulls you towards him?"

She eyed me. "Are we talking about you or me here?"

"Answer the question, Larry."

"Fine. Yes. So?"  
>I squeezed her hands reassuringly. "Don't you want to know <em>why <em>you feel that?"

She sighed. "Fine," she repeated. "But you're not going anywhere. I mean it. I want you here."

"Can both Embry and Seth come in, or is that too much?"

Larry wavered again, then nodded.

"You can come in," I called to the doorway. I hadn't even finished my sentence before Embry was peeking around the door, visibly relieved that Larry was in one piece.

I stood to give them room, causing Larry to panic and clutch at me again.

"I'm just going to the armchair," I said soothingly. "I'll be right here if you need me. But you have to talk to Embry first, okay?"

"Okay," she repeated weakly, letting go.

I turned to find that Seth had already occupied the armchair. He looked vaguely amused by the whole thing. I went to sit on one of the arms, but he tugged me at last minute so that I fell sideways across his lap. I dug an elbow into his stomach under the pretext of getting comfortable, letting my discomfort radiate. I didn't want to make a big fuss. This wasn't about us right now.

He chuckled in my ear. "You didn't mind being close to me before."

"You didn't take advantage of me before."

"You're sitting on my lap. That's hardly taking advantage. I'm just making you comfortable."

He _was _fairly comfortable, but I wasn't about to admit that. I was pretty sure he already knew how appealing I found his closeness. It was like a balm, ever since The Truth. He seemed to know everything else about me anyway.

Embry and Larry were talking softly. It seemed to be going well. She was letting him hold her hands. He was speaking quietly and earnestly, eyes never wavering from hers. She shifted and he mirrored it, joined to her by invisible marionette strings that played them both.

"What are they talking about?" I whispered to Seth.

"How much he loves her. What else would they be talking about?"

"They haven't been dating long."

"I'm not sure you're understanding this imprint thing, El."

I looked up at him. "I know it's everything. Love isn't everything."

He stared at me for a long moment, eyes boring under my skin. "We should probably talk about this later," he said finally. "You're being stupid again."

I scowled. "I'm sorry, is accepting the entirety of the supernatural world and our weird genetics and our freaking _soul bond _as facts of life not enough of a major step for you? Do I need to understand it all too?"

"_She_ does." He nodded to the couple.

I looked to see that they were joined at the lips and didn't seem to be coming up for air anytime soon. My mouth hung open for a second before I looked away, heat creeping up my neck. Their intimate moment wasn't mine to have. I shouldn't have seen it.

"I think we can go," Seth breathed into my ear, his breath sending goosebumps racing over the sensitive flesh. Before I could even react he was standing and carrying me out of there, setting me down only when we were off the porch.

"I could have walked," I snapped.

He shrugged, unrepentant. "You might have tripped and ruined the moment." He opened the door to the truck and bowed mock-gallantly, waiting for me to get in.

I did fairly well at being haughty until my foot slipped and his hands saved me from tumbling right back out.

"Thanks," I muttered.

He grinned at me. "No problem."

I hated when he could be the hero, and he knew it. I couldn't reconcile the ease he offered when I was in need with the fact I hated being in need; I hated him for knowing me well enough to be able to help in the first place.

We drove back to the Black house in silence as I tried not to linger on the quick smiles of late, the flashes of white teeth and crinkled skin around rum-gold eyes that made me think things.

Things like, _maybe it wouldn't be terrible._

And _maybe I don't hate needing this. Him._

Things that were always swiftly put to rest by logic. I didn't belong here with him. We weren't like Embry and Larry, or even Jake and Renesmee. We were… _I _was Mu. And he was Seth.

Seth followed me inside.

"Don't you ever have patrol anymore?" I asked when we were safely in my room, away from where Uncle Billy could hear us. "You spend an awful lot of time following me around."

"I switched. I don't do nights anymore."

"Why?"

He just looked at me like I was an idiot again. We both knew the answer to that question.

"You don't need to be here all the time," I muttered, going to my drawers and pulling out my pyjamas. I closed them a little harder than necessary, choosing to ignore the scraps of fabric that spilled out and stopped them from fully closing because of my temper tantrum. "I'm fine."

"Alright."

I turned, surprised, and frowned when I saw him sprawled out on my bed. "What are you doing? You have your own house."

"Good observation. I did wonder what that mysterious structure was when we were there."

"_Go_ to your house, Seth."

"No." He set his head down and closed his eyes.

I stared at him for a moment. "You're just going to stay here? Even though I don't want you to?"

"You do want me to," he replied without opening his eyes. "You're just freaking out again."

Turning, I marched to the bathroom to get changed instead of dignifying that with a response. I hated how he decided he knew what I wanted.

I hated that he was mostly right. Which he _wasn't _at the moment. At all. I was not freaking out.

The dim light in my room had painted him golden. Uncle Billy had those bulbs that took about ten minutes to warm up properly, so everything was shadows and gold in that time.

Damn him, he had looked like poetry all over again under that light. The kind of poetry I wanted under my fingertips and on my tongue.

_NO. Not going there. _

My thoughts had become a lot harder to control since he'd shown me the true nature of the imprint. I didn't understand it. But something in me uncurled and breathed when he was around. Something that I hadn't known was there, shriveled up, constricting, for maybe my whole life.

I didn't like it. It frightened me.

He was still lying there when I went back to the room, tossing my clothes in the haphazard laundry pile in the corner. I hadn't quite got around to locating an actual hamper. I hovered near the edge of the bed and was just about to perch on the edge when one strong arm pulled me down beside him.

"Oi!" I objected, struggling to sit up again.

"Stop squirming, I'm not going to rape you." He turned on his side and curled around me as I lay on my back, his lips in my hair and his fingertips unerringly finding the bare skin of my hip. He seemed to relax as his entire palm came into contact with my skin. One heavy calf was hooked around my leg. The rest of him was pressed up against my side. If someone was looking to unstitch us, it would have been difficult to find a seam.

I found myself breathing out with him, the knot that had been somehow tangling in my chest disintegrating.

"I'm meant to be angry," I said petulantly.

He nuzzled into my hair. "Sorry."

He was so _warm. _

"I didn't know it could be like that," I said after a while. "Larry and Embry. Straight away."

"It's different with everyone. Jake and Quil have to wait for their imprints."

_And so do I, _came the unsaid fact that pressed on me as heavily as his limbs. I blinked away a sudden stab of guilt. I wasn't going to start feeling bad for not wanting to be tied to a life that was meant to be temporary.

I wasn't meant to stay here. I was going home at some point.

"How is it real?" I found myself asking.

"How is what real?"

"You said he loves her."

"He does." Seth's thumb started tracing circles over my belly. I'm sure they were meant to be soothing, but they were doing interesting things to my insides. "Just because it's unconventional doesn't mean it's not real, El. He loves her. More than anything. And even if she doesn't love him the same, he'll always be there for her when she needs him."

I wondered if we were still talking about Larry and Embry.

"I don't see how she could," I said carefully. "They haven't known each other long. I'm guessing he holds the bond back from her, because she hasn't been in pain, so it's not like she would have known she was tied to him."

"He doesn't need to."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

Seth sighed and withdrew his hand from my side, flopping onto his back again. I missed the heat and tried not to shiver.

"He doesn't need to," he said, "because she's already accepted him. Even before she knew, she still kept in contact all the time. It helped."

"Oh." Maybe that was why he was here so often, then. Not _for_ me. _Because_ _of_ me.

"Don't," he said suddenly, sounding annoyed.

"Don't what?"

"You're getting all worked up again. I can tell."

I propped myself up on one elbow so I could glare down at him, a position I rarely held. "You said that we had to talk about it. I'm just trying to talk about it."

"Yeah, but the point of talking about it was so you could stop being stupid and see what was happening." He placed a hand on my back delicately, not enough pressure to force me to fall onto him, merely a suggestion. "Come here, you're shivering."

I did _not_ give in. I was just cold. And he was so warm as I carefully lay with my cheek on his chest, eyes closed, listening to the metronome inside as he ran a hand through my hair and down my back.

It was easier not looking at him.

"El," he said, "I know you don't want this. And I would never force you into anything, because you'd hate me for it. But things have changed. I can't help it. It's not all me. My wolf likes you. He wants to keep you around all the time. It's kind of instinct. I'm not saying we have to be like Embry and Larry, but if you want to go back to ignoring me, it might not be so easy for either of us."

I digested this. "Did you know this was going to happen?"

"It's different for everyone," he repeated.

"But you thought it might?"

"I knew it would eventually. I didn't expect you to get dragged in so fast. I was just going to leave you alone for a while. Let you live your life and all that."

"It was sharing the bond, wasn't it?" I asked softly. I hadn't even thought about his touch before then. I craved it now.

"I think so. Your… _episode_ the other day probably didn't help either." His hands tightened on me for a moment at the thought.

"Is the wolf separate from you?"

"No," Seth said immediately. He hesitated before continuing, obviously trying to find the right words. "He's… me. Another side of me. The wolf… we… the pack, we talk about our wolves like they're separate personalities. They're more just a way to explain the instincts that come with shifting. The instincts are… old, and complex. Different. Really different sometimes. They feel like they're coming from someone else. But they aren't. It gets hard to tell though."

"So… your instincts like me?"

He snorted. "El, all of me likes you. You still don't get imprinting at all."

"You're not explaining it very well," I complained.

"You're just not good at listening." He drug his fingertips up and down my spine, making me shudder.

_Was he doing this on purpose?_

"You don't love me," I said. I wasn't sure if it was a question, statement, or warning.

"Alright," he said. "If that's what you want. Tell me when you change your mind."

"You're making fun of me."

"I'm not."

I sighed. "You are."

"Hey." His voice was serious all of a sudden and I raised my head to look at him. "I'm serious. I'm not forcing you into anything. I can't change me, but I'll wait until you're eighty if that's how long you want me to."

I blinked, taken aback by the earnestness of his promise. "I know," I said.

"Then why are you still annoyed?" He brought one hand up to trace along my jaw.

I shivered again.

"I'm not annoyed with you," I muttered, pulling away and rolling on my side, facing away from him. "Turn out the light when you leave."

*.*.*

**Sooo... what do we think? Hopefully you liked the character development. Don't worry about the characters who were neglected in this chapter, they'll be back! I just really felt like Seth and Mu needed to get some things straight. Or not straight at all. Or completely sideways, as Mu is prone to do. Reviews are love, and I love you all so you should love me too xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello friends (those of you who are still following along at this point: it's been a long journey, I know. Thanks especially to Rogue's Queen, who I think is the only familiar face kind enough to review, you make my day so much when you do!).**

**I thought I would do a bit of an extended author's note for anyone who cares to read, just as a bit of an update and to answer some questions.**

**If you have noticed, the rating has changed. I went up to M because yes, there will be some increasingly naughty bits in future, and because I feel like in general M rated stories are of a higher caliber and I wanted to include mine in that.**

**Most popular question: WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG TO UPDATE!? (No one has actually sent me this in pushy bossy capitals but I feel like it deserves it seeing as I started this in… was it 2012? And I'm not even ten chapters in.)**

**Answer: A lot happens every chapter. When I decided to rewrite The Music Box, which was a terrible example of early fanfiction before the invention of the plot twist, I wanted to make something really good. I wanted my characters to actually fill out and breathe. It was a challenge for me as a writer, and I think as I have gone along, I have actually improved even from the first chapter. **

**When I was writing fanfictions which were updated every other week, I was younger and a) had much more time and b) didn't plan ahead at all. This resulted in major plot holes. Another thing which resulted in major plot holes was my adamant refusal to proof read my work. I still don't really proof read per se, but I do go over the old chapters. Mostly because so much time has passed and I actually don't know what I wrote. I had it in my head that I had introduced this other character, but I totally didn't. I think that was more due to the fact that I used to save this work directly on FFN and after (I think 70?) days of inactivity, your files get deleted. I think I did actually write it, I just lost it and continued on like I had already done it. Luckily it doesn't seem to have impacted the plot terribly.**

**I confess, I am actually a terrible human being in that I don't have a solid plot outline for this story. It started out as a rewrite but then I got so many ideas for it that I'm kind of just following a vague guideline. Even when I do plot out stories, I don't do them chapter by chapter like some people do. I just can't stick to it. I plan certain events and the general curve and then I fill in the gaps. This means I get a tonne of writer's block. I know it's not the most efficient way to write, but honestly, the other way does NOT work for me. I've tried it. Sorry.**

**I'm hoping to be able to write more now that I have time off over the summer (university and all that). I will be going camping with family for a month, but hopefully this update will tide you over and I'll be able to relax and then come back and smash another one out. I really and truly appreciate the love and support that I have had from this community in regards to my little fic. I may not be the most reviewed or even well known, but even getting one genuine review in my inbox makes my day like you wouldn't believe. So thanks to everyone who has, and everyone who does from this point forward, because you remind me why I started writing this and why I continue after such long intervals.**

**If you've read this all, you're a champ, I love you so much, and there's probably a special place in Heaven for beautiful people like you.**

***.*.*.***

Billy was at the kitchen table when I stumbled into the kitchen the next morning, hollow-eyed and hollow-headed after a sleepless night chased by dream wolves and the buzzing in my head.

"Coffee's ready," he said after a glance at me, turning back to gaze out the window at the cold winter blue and the frostbitten lawn. I mumbled something half legible in reply and went straight for the tea. I stared at the paint of the cabinets in front of me as I waited for the kettle to boil. The paint was slightly chipped around the edges, showing peeks of a lighter colour that had been present in a past life, and the doors were all slightly warped and stuck. Probably a result of the damp that seemed to settle over this old house in winter. I wondered how old Billy had been when he built it, to have it so settled into its bones now. He must have been young. He wasn't all that old now, was he?

I poured my tea and went to join and not join him, at the table, at the other end where it couldn't be misconstrued as seeking company or forgiveness for the stale air between us.

We occupied the same space in separate orbitals for a while.

"Mu," Billy said, "I let you have your time. Now we're going to talk."

_Um. _

I met his steady gaze and recognised the even calm that resonated within Jacob. My dad never had that, even if he did have the same eyes. It was unnerving to have such a unfaltering poise in my father's eyes. Although Billy was the eldest, so maybe they were Billy's eyes after all.

"Um." I fidgeted. "I don't. Um. I don't really have much to say."

He laced his fingers together in front of him on the table and leaned forward slightly. "Then you'll listen, because I do."

_Okay. _

"I apologise for deceiving you," Billy said. "I stand by the fact I had reasons."

I tried not to twitch. _Everyone has reasons. Weak effort, Billy Black. _

He noticed anyway and sighed, looking down at his hands. "You've lost someone you love, so maybe you'll understand what I'm about to say."

I doubted it, if that was the analogy he was going for.

"I've lost almost all my family," Billy said quietly. His voice was a smooth rumble that, again, reminded me of Jacob. I wondered if I was looking through time. "Your dad went on his way when he was young, and my daddy died not long after that. Then I lost Sarah a few years back. And now Jacob and Rachel are both pulled into this curse, and Rebecca avoids the place like the plague ever since she found out the legends are real."

He sighed again and leant back in his wheelchair, pulled up to the table in his customary place. "I don't have a lot left. When your daddy said he wanted you to come here, I wasn't about to turn him down. You're family. I'd never turn away family. I tried to keep you away from what was happening around here because I thought you'd had enough problems in your life. I should've known better. You're a Black, and we're all neck deep in this. It's in the blood."

"Um," I said, "You don't approve of the pack?"

He traced a whorl in the wood of the table with a gnarled hand. "It's not my place to approve or disapprove. It's a great honour, passed down through generations." Billy glanced up at me, and I saw a deep fatigue behind the calm front. "It's also a curse. Wolf, imprint, it don't matter. It's for life. I've been an elder a long time now. This tribe's been through some big changes the last few years that hardly anyone knows about. Not all of them have been for the better, even if they are for the greater good. Everyone involved makes sacrifices."

"So…" I concentrated on my now-cold dregs of tea as I wound my thoughts back into a cohesive coil. "If you're so scared of losing everyone, why do you keep pushing them away?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Jacob. The chores and stuff. He's exhausted all the time."

"He earns his keep."

I sighed. "I can forgive you, Uncle Billy, because I have quite a bit happening right now and I'm too tired to be angry with you. But you should really think about why your kids don't want to come home a lot."

He pressed his lips together tightly for a second, showing that my words had slithered unpleasantly under his skin. "I'll take it into consideration."

We both avoided looking at the other for a prickly moment.

Billy broke the silence first. "I want to offer my assistance to you. You're an outsider. You don't know a lot of the legends and older traditions, unless your father had a change of heart and started paying attention to them."

I opened my mouth to politely decline - I had at least one wolf at my disposal who was much more pleasant to talk to than Uncle Billy - then closed it again thoughtfully.

After a moment: "Um. Uncle Billy. I was just wondering… are dreams a big deal in the legends?"

He frowned. "Dreams are… usually guidance. Why do you ask?"

"What about waking dreams?"

Billy looked alarmed now. "What kind of waking dreams?"

I told him.

He looked grim once I was through. "I haven't heard much of blind visions. I'll ask around. Look through some of the old journals."

At least someone other than a vampire was going to be productive about this.

***.*.***

I spent all of Monday locked in my room, writing. Billy hadn't said a word about me skipping school yet, but I'd waited for him to leave home before I emerged for breakfast just in case. My hand ached after the first hour and I hadn't even written anything important yet. The itch under my fingertips had driven me crazy all night and I scratched it out onto paper, the pen tight against years worth of writing calluses on my fingers. My middle finger housed a permanent lump of tougher flesh from exams and poems and letters.

I didn't really know which category what I was writing now fell under. I just wanted to get it out so it wouldn't be in my head anymore.

I had told Seth that I wasn't good with words. It was true, and it was a lie. I could write fifty pages on the colour blue. But I had yet to actually say what I wanted to in a conversation.

I wanted my old notebook back. I missed the words I'd scrawled when I was in New Zealand. I missed the memories of Mum I had tucked into the pages, drawn in margins, and crammed around fragments of the bad days to remind me that there were still good ones.

My hand was cramping from being in the same position for so long when I emerged to find lunch, earbuds jammed firmly into my ears in the universal sign of _I don't want to talk._ I went straight to the kettle and put it on to boil. Tea was my first love, after all.

The fridge was a bit dismal. There was leftovers from Wednesday, which I regarded as dubious seeing as they were fish. There was half a carton of milk and the crusts of a loaf of bread. There was half-or-less used bottles and jars of all varieties stacked around haphazardly, and I had to wonder how long they had been there, because I was sure we had never used sundried tomatoes in any of our cooking.

_Cereal it is, then._

I clambered up onto the bench - I wasn't short, the cabinets were just tall, I swear - and retrieved the packet of Froot Loops from the cereal cupboard. My teabags were at a much more accessible height. Billy only drank coffee that was as bitter and Black as he was, and Jacob wasn't really a tea kind of person, so I had commandeered some old jars to sit on the countertop with various flavours tucked inside.

Froot Loops in a bowl. No milk. That ruined them completely.

Teabag in the mug. Spoonful of honey. Drumming of fingers on countertop as I waited for the kettle to boil.

I think I needed to suggest something healthier than Froot Loops to Billy for next time Sue took him shopping. Pretty sure even giant shifting alphas would be better off with muesli than pure sugar. I pulled out my iPod to switch songs.

The kettle finally clicked off. I snatched it up and turned to pour it into my cup-

There was a wolf boy in the way.

I screamed and jumped. The kettle tilted. The water poured. Right onto my dominant hand, the one that had been holding the iPod.

I screamed again, seconds later, as the pain bloomed. Dropped the kettle entirely, leaping back from the splashes of hot water. Seth grabbed my arm and thrust it into the sink, running a deluge of cold water over it. My music spluttered and died in my ears. I had still been holding my iPod.

I ripped the earphones out and used the cord to pull the device out of what had become a claw of pain.

"Shit, shit, fuck, I'm so sorry," Seth was saying over and over.

"Shit, fuck, ow, that fucking _hurts," _I was whimpering in response, crying.

"Oh, shit, El," he murmured, cupping my face and swiping my cheeks with his thumbs. "I made you cry. Fuck. I'm so sorry. I didn't think you'd be so surprised."

"I didn't think you'd be -_hic- _sneaking up on -_hic_- me."

He looked even more miserable. "Jesus. Fuck. Please don't hate me."

I tilted my head down, wanting to hide my splotchy face. He was shirtless, I now realised. Dear Lord. How was it fair that he looked beautiful and I was all snotty and crying when this was his fault in the first place?

"I don't hate you," I mumbled.

_Don't you know I couldn't? I've tried. _

He wavered for a moment, hands loose on my shoulders, then slid around behind me so we were front to back and I could keep my arm under the water. He folded around me like a too-tall cloak.

I closed my eyes and breathed him in, still shuddering slightly with the irritating aftershocks of crying. His lips pressed against my temple and he lingered there, breathing me right back.

"It's the hand I write with," I said quietly after a few minutes of the silent not-truce.

He exhaled slowly again, chest deflating behind me. "I know. I'm sorry, El." He tucked his face into my neck as best he could with the height difference.

My arm was slowly going numb under the frosty December faucet.

I could feel small tremors rippling over Seth's chest.

_He's probably feeling your pain, silly girl. He told you that happened._

Tentatively, I tried to reach for the string that tugged me towards him. He didn't want me to have his pain, but I could take this physical hurt of mine back.

It was like pulling a thread from a garment that unravelled and fell around me in ungainly piles, leaving me naked to a warm sun. I gasped softly because suddenly, I could feel him. I could feel him _inside _and _outside _and _around_ and _between. _If the feeling had a scent it would be heady and sweet.

I melted. Against him. Into him. Where was the pain? There was none here. Only heat. His warmth burned against my back and mine pooled between my legs.

Something like a cold steel trap slammed down on the connection, making me flinch. I oozed back into my mould and realised that I was slightly out of breath. My arm was completely numb.

Seth's arms were now caging me to the counter. We were as seamless as we had been before, only now it was very different, because his hips and thighs were tight against mine. I shifted slightly, making him hiss, and realised that whatever I had done had definitely affected us both.

_Oh. _

"El," he said, sounding slightly strangled, "I suggest for both our sakes you don't do that again unless you mean it."

I was still drunk from the memory of whatever _it _was. Curious. Wanting. "What happens if I mean it?"

He pressed impossibly closer to me, which would have been uncomfortable had it not been thrilling, and leaned down to speak in my ear. "When you mean it, you're _mine." _

When, not if.

Time, not chance.

I shivered and craned to look around at him. His eyes were darker than I had ever seen as he stared down at me.

I looked away first, against instinct that told me to stay _still._ "Guess I don't mean it then."

His lips pressed against my neck, hot and wet. He lingered for a moment, wanting, -_needing?-_, then straightened up and stepped away.

"I'm serious," he said, his voice a touch huskier than normal. "Don't mess with the bond. You've changed it again now."

I stayed staring at the water running obnoxiously loud from the ancient tap. "What do you mean?"

He didn't reply, but a moment later he made me jump again as his hand reached out to turn the faucet off. I remained quiet and chose to watch his hands as he carefully turned me around and inspected my arm, handling it delicately. It began to throb dully again as the heat from his hands rekindled the burn. I tensed.

Seth produced plastic wrap and wound it carefully around my forearm, covering my hand completely in some bizarre mitten parody.

"We'll go see my mom at the clinic," he said. "She'll give you something to stop it getting infected. Wrap it properly."

Neither of us moved.

I stared at his chest resolutely.

"El," he said, "I'm sorry about this."

I looked up in confusion, because he had already apologised for the hand a thousand times, so what was he apologising for now?

He kissed me and everything shattered.

Once again, I was made of sensation.

His mouth was hot and wet moving against mine, soft lips and teeth nipping at delicate skin, tongue tracing the torn seam through which a gasp escaped. His hands were warm as one slid around the nape of my neck to cradle my head and the other tangled in my hair, encouraging me to tilt my head back. His fingertips scraped my scalp and I gasped again. I was off balance and dizzy and I clung to him for sweet life itself. His thighs pressed against my belly - he was so _tall _- and, _oh Lord, _I could feel him through those denim cut offs. It was confusing and I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what I wanted to do and I think I knew what I wanted to do but it scared me - I _kissed him back _and it was as if I were the ocean surging up against a cliff, trying desperately to fit myself to his angles and his planes, rising to meet his mouth again, again, _again-_

He broke away, just a little, just a fragment, just for breath. His forehead pressed against mine and his eyes were shut tight as he held onto the tangle we had become for a moment.

I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to scream and run away. I wanted to rewind time, although I was not entirely certain whether that was to relive it or prevent it ever happening.

_Breathe, Mu._

He opened his eyes and stepped back, gently breaking the circle of my arms around his neck. I almost swayed after him. Almost.

"Sorry," he repeated. "We can go see my mom now, if you want."

I had no words, so I nodded.

We drove with the windows down, frigid air swooping in and scraping against our skin.

*.*.*.*

Sue Clearwater had shiny raven feather hair pulled back into a sensible bun at the nape of her neck. The bird's feet were stamped at the corners of sharp eyes. She was wearing some kind of scrubs and when we walked in, she took one hard look at us and told the receptionist to go on break.

She then walked up and smacked her son's head with a magazine, clearly knowing from experience that his bones were like rocks.

"What did you do to the poor girl?" she demanded.

"Ma!" he protested, batting away the offending newsprint. "Can we do this later?"

"Idiot," she grumbled. Her face softened as she looked at me. "Mu, I'm presuming? Billy's talked a lot about you coming to stay with him."

"Um. Hi," I said weakly, wondering what _exactly _my uncle had said about the circumstances that sent me here.

"Come on through, sweetheart." She lead me into the little examination room and sits me on the bed, my feet dangling off the side. Carefully, she unwrapped the gladwrap and hissed in sympathy. "How'd this happen?"

"Boiling water," I mumbled. "I was holding the jug and Seth snuck up on me."

She glared at him, making him duck his head as he leant back against the wall.

"It was an accident, Ma," he said.

She muttered something that sounded like _damn wolves _and went back to examining my hand. "Well, it's not too bad. You might have some scarring though. You must have stopped the burn pretty fast, so well done for that." She wrapped it up and gave me a tube of ointment for it, instructing me in how to care for it properly and when to change the bandage.

"Seth," she said once that was done, "Go run around for a while. I want to talk to her without you eavesdropping."

"Ma-"

"Seth Clearwater, when I say get, you _get," _she said warningly.

Sue was kind of scary.

Seth sighed and looked at me. "I'll be in the truck when you're ready."

"It better be across the lot so you can't hear," Sue called after him, lips pursed. She relaxed after the sound of the truck's engine started up, shaking her head at me.

"That boy," she said, smiling. "He's always been an eavesdropper, even before he could sneak around properly."

I nodded, wondering where she was going with this whole private consultation thing.

"You haven't known about the wolf thing long, have you?"

"Um. No."

She eyed me sympathetically, taking a seat in one of the chairs by the desk and resting her forearms on her thighs. "It's hard to take in. You doing okay?"

"Um. Yes."

Sue just looked at me. "Really?"

_Was picking up on lies a Clearwater thing, or was I just that bad at it? _

"It's… hard," I admitted. "I keep finding stuff out every time I think I've got it sorted."

_Like the fact that I want to climb your son like a tree and that's not even legal here and I don't know if I even _like _him but oh, Lordy, I liked his kisses._

"You gotta remember that a lot of the stuff you're finding out is new to everyone," Sue said, clasping her hands. "Those boys didn't know anything when they started changing. They had to find out things from the old legends and the elders, and neither of those sources are particularly detailed or accurate. None of the old generation lived long enough to tell them what was happening. Imprinting came as a bit of a surprise, I think."

"Mm," I agreed, frowning as I realised that I hadn't yet found out how I had changed the bond. I would ask Seth. Once my hormones settled down. So. Like. In three weeks maybe.

"You don't have to be scared of it," she said. "None of the imprints were easy. Maybe Jared and Kim, once he finally convinced her it wasn't a damn prank. Not Sam and Emily. Not Jacob and Nessie. And everyone can hear Paul and Rachel arguing whenever she comes to visit, but I think that's half the fun of it for them."

I avoided her gaze and stared at the clean linoleum floor. "I'm not meant to be here. I won't be staying. So there's no point."

"Home has a funny way of changing places. You might like it here."

I stayed silent, letting the quiet speak my doubts for me.

She sighed, the chair creaking as she leant back. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, because I think enough choices have been taken away from you with all of this happening. You didn't ask for it. I know that. But you need to be aware that this isn't something you can run away from without hurting a whole lotta people, yourself included."

"I'm from New Zealand. I shouldn't even be here."

"Have you ever thought," said Sue, "that maybe everything happens for a reason? There's a lotta speculation that imprinting has to do with fate. The universe just did what it had to, to get you here."

I gaped at her for a second in utter disbelief. "My mum _died. _She had breast cancer. Do you know what that's like?"

"Mu-"

"It fucking _sucks. _She died slowly. Was that the universe doing what it had to?'

"I didn't mean-"

"My dad has mental health issues," I interrupted, not done yet. "He's suffered from depression before. What do you think this did to him? He can't even stand _looking _at me since she died, which means I _can't help him_. He sent me _away._ So there you go, that's why I came here. It was the worst time of my life, closely followed by my existence here. So no, I refuse to believe that the fucking _powers that be _decided to give my mum, _who was a perfectly_ _lovely woman, _cancer just so that I could play some kind of supernatural romantic comedy lead role with your son!" I snapped, anger rising liquid in my eyes.

She looked stricken. "Mu, I'm so-"

I walked out in the middle of her apology, slamming the door behind me when I heard her get up to try and follow. I practically ran across the parking lot and threw myself in the cab beside Seth.

"What happened?" he demanded, seeing my tears. "What did she do?"

I saw Sue emerge from the clinic through blurry eyes. "Just _drive," _I snarled, yanking my seatbelt on and curling in on myself.

"Mu-"

"Get me _the fuck _out of here," I cried, my voice cracking in the middle of the sentence.

The truck started up obligingly a second later and we pulled away past Sue's frantically waving arms.

I pressed my fists against my eyes and tried to stop the hot tears from spilling over, ignoring the pain that came from fisting my bad hand.

_Crying twice in one day. You're a real winner, Mu. _

_Shut the fuck up._

There was a crunch of roadside rubble under the tires a few minutes later as Seth pulled over. His door opened, and then mine did as he reached around and unbuckled my seatbelt. His hands were gentle as he pulled my knuckles out of my eyes, tucking my hair behind my ears and wiping my face with the soft cotton sleeve of the shirt he had pulled on to take me to the clinic.

I gazed at him through bleary eyes, blinking fresh tears over his efforts, then reached up and wound my arms around him. I scooted closer so I could wind my legs around him too, ear pressed against the steady heartbeat in his chest, breathing in the smell of clean cotton through my blocked up and sniffly nose. I was fast becoming addicted to his skin and the sunshine inside it, and it was _dangerous_.

He took the bizarre koala bear act in stride and rubbed my back, making soothing noises like he always did when I fell apart.

I wondered if he ever got tired of putting me back together.

"I'm so tired, Seth," I mumbled after a few minutes, between the shudders that always came with crying. It was a deep tiredness, woven around my bones like adamantium. I didn't know if it was possible to get rid of it.

"I know," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"I don't know how to do this," I whispered, feeling the tears well up again.

"Do what, El?"

"Be here. Be _this_."

He exhaled, long and slow, then pressed a kiss to my temple. "I know," he repeated. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

_You've never called me that before, Rum-Eyes._

"Tell me what to do," I pleaded softly. "I don't know what to do."

"I don't know either," he admitted. "But we'll figure it out, El, it'll be okay. I promise."

"You can't promise that."

"I can." He rested his chin atop my head, my face nestled into the crook of his neck. "I just did."

I toyed with the fabric of his shirt, smoothing my palm over his ribcage and lingering there as his laundry detergent-and-pine-and-_Seth _scent soothed me slowly. "I don't like being... _dependent_ on you. I _hate _it."

"I know."

"I think you got a bum imprint. You should trade me in for a better one." _One who isn't crazy and possibly psychic and probably going to mess up everything._

He shook his head slightly, slipping his hand under my shirt to rest on my skin in what was fast becoming a ritual. "Naw. You're it, El."

A shiver went through me at the simple declaration. "I'm not it. I'm the worst possible person for this."

"You're kind of the only possible person for this." He tucked in impossibly closer to me, something a little desperate in him now. "You get that, right? This isn't something that goes away."

"You said you'd go along with whatever I want," I pointed out, slightly muffled by his proximity. "You said you'd wait until I was eighty if you had to."

"I will," he said immediately. "But I'll be waiting for _you. _I'm not going to find anyone else and change my mind. It's not a choice. It's you. It's always gonna be you."

I loosened my grip and pushed him away slightly, staring at the dip between his collarbones. "You can't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because you kissed me in my kitchen and now everything's different and it _means _something when you say dumb stuff like that," I snapped, chancing it to glare up at him.

His eyes softened inexplicably after a searching moment. "It always meant something, El."

No. _Be angry with me. _Give me a reason not to like you.

"Why did you have to kiss me?" I demanded petulantly. "What did I _do?_"

Seth chuckled slightly. "Well, usually when imprints reach out along that bond, it's instinctual. Because they're focusing on other things."

"Like wha-" I started to say, then stopped and froze with mortification as I realised.

"Um," I said, loosening my grip and scooting back slightly, heat rising in my cheeks. "So. If I didn't… because of _that… _um. What does that mean for…"

"Us?" he supplied, eyes glinting with something a hair too feral to be just amusement. "Well, the wolf liked it a little too much. Now he likes you a little too much. It sent the wrong signal about what you want. What you _need."_

"Oh," I said, scooting back a bit more and pulling my legs back in towards me from where they had been tangled around his hips. No sense putting my hormones and his wolf on the same level about what they _needed_.

_"Oh,"_ he repeated, cocking an eyebrow and leaning forward slightly. "You have no idea, El."

_So show me, _Slutty Eleanor whispered huskily from the depths of my obviously depraved mind.

"No," I agreed out loud. "I really don't. I'd ask Jacob but I think that'd get awkward."

"So you don't have any more… questions?" His voice lowered and he positively _growled _the last bit. I tried not to shudder and looked away to hide my blush.

"Don't _do_ that," I said, annoyed both at him and how weak my protest sounded.

"Do what?" Oh, Lord, where had that _voice _come from? It was pure sex, liquid and hot, poured atop my raw nerves like heated honey.

"Please," I said, "Just… not now, Seth." _It's too much. Do you even remember what's been happening the last few days? And you want to add whatever this is to it?_

I felt his gaze boring into me as I avoided his eyes again.

"You should go to school tomorrow," he said, abruptly changing the subject. "Your friends will be worried about you."

_I'm worried about me. _

I shook my head. "They'll ask questions."

He reached out and played with the ends of my hair where it fell over my shoulder with one hand. "I thought you wanted to play normal. Normal kids go to school."

I gave him an exasperated look. "I'm _not _normal, Seth. As your bloody mother delighted in pointing out."

He frowned. "What did she say?"

"Everything happens for a reason."

"And that is offensive because…?"

I sighed and pulled his hand out of my hair, holding it in my lap and running my smaller digits over the scars and calluses. "If that's true, then you're the reason that everything bad in my life has happened. And I don't want to believe that, because if I believe that, I'm going to start hating you."

"Alright," he said, "Then nothing happens for a reason. Everything is chance, and you got a shitty draw, and now you have an opportunity to decide which way things are gonna go from here on out."

"It's not that easy."

"It could be." He pulled his hand back from mine and rocked back on his heels. "You could graduate. Go to college. Write a book. Be a singer. Be an accountant. Whatever you want."

"Go home?" I said quietly, voicing the one thing that was looking increasingly like an impossibility. "Can I do that?"

"You could," he said carefully, his gaze burning into mine as all the things my leaving would affect went unsaid.

"I want to," I admitted. "Does that make me a bad person?"

"No." His gaze flickered down to my lips for a second. "We all want selfish things."

We were silent for a moment, leaning… until a car passed and broke the spell. He pulled a face and pressed a kiss to my forehead instead. I sat back in my seat properly and he closed my door, crossing around to his side. He pulled out and drove me home.

"Are you coming in?" I asked as we sat outside Billy's house.

He shook his head, pretty eyes focused hot on mine again. "I don't think I should. I need to go run for a while. You gonna be okay if I leave?"

"I'll be fine." I slid down from the truck and turned back to him for a moment, searching for words. Everything felt like it was out of control at the moment. Whatever I had done really had shifted the bond. Had shifted something in _me. _And now I was desperately out of place and off balance.

He smiled at me. "Go. I'll come see you later."

"Um. Okay," I said uncertainly, stepping back and shutting the door. I heard the rumble of the engine as I walked away, but he didn't start driving until I was on the porch looking back at him.

*.*.*.*

I was doing my neglected calculus homework when Seth slipped into my room and flopped down on my bed, eyes closed.

"Do you mind?" I demanded, annoyed more out of habit that anything.

"Nope."

I stared at him for a moment, but he didn't so much as open his eyes to see my reaction. He was completely relaxed, sprawled over the ancient mattress like some bizarre throw of long limbs and acres of russet skin stretched tight over muscle.

"Don't distract me," I warned, going back to my calculations.

The sense of eyes on me pricked my neck a while later and I looked up to see Seth's head raised slightly, watching me. He gave me an angelic smile. I snorted and shook my head, looking back at my paper to hide the involuntary upwards curve tucked right tight into the corners of my mouth.

*.*.*.*

Tuesday morning popped like a soap bubble as I stepped out of the Rabbit, Jacob watching me carefully.

"I'm fine," I said when he opened his mouth to say something. "Go pretend to build gardens and serve the community."

He grimaced. "We actually do have to build those at some point. People are wondering why we get paid."

"You have a crew of genetically enhanced youths," I pointed out. "Pretty sure it won't be that hard."

He raised an eyebrow. "Can you imagine Paul picking which flowers to put in?"

"So make him dig the holes." I grabbed my bag off the seat and shrugged it on. "Are you picking me up, or is Embry?"

"Embry's got a bit on his plate at the moment," he said. "He's making up for lost time apparently. You'll probably hear all about it from your friend."

It was my turn to pull a face. "I kind of don't want to. I'm a terrible person, aren't I?"

"You're not all bad," he said. "So you're okay? Really?"

I rolled my eyes and shut the door instead of replying, trudging across the slushy carpark to where Larry was lingering. I was being an awful friend, I knew, but I supposed if anyone knew what it was like to get too swept up in this insane new reality it would be Larry.

"Hi," she said, glowing through tired eyes. "Did I miss much yesterday?"

I blinked at her. "Did you wag too?"

"Wag?"

"Skip."

"Oh. Um. Yeah." She blushed and fiddled with her sweater hem, which, I noticed, was actually far too large for her and most likely Embry's. "Mom and Dad went to Cancun, so Embry came and stayed for the weekend. Except, when, you know…" she trailed off and glanced around, remembering where we were.

"He had to get to work?" I supplied dryly. "You know, all that labour they do around the community. Nice strapping lads they are."

"Community work?"

"I hear they're planning a garden."

She blinked. "They couldn't have thought of something better than a garden?"

"It's what the Elders wanted," I said with a shrug. "So he was with you that whole time? From Friday?"

She twisted her hands in his sweatshirt again and nodded quickly, glancing around again. It wasn't necessary. Hardly anyone was outside in this cold.

"He took me to ballet. And. Uh. We had sex," she whispered. "I probably shouldn't be telling you because Embry could get in trouble, like, I'm underage. So. But I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't tell someone and you're my best friend and you know about everything so you get it. Right?"

Now it was my turn to blink.

"I know it's fast," she said, looking at me pleadingly and obviously taking my silence as judgement, "but think about it, I already know I'm going to be with him the rest of my life. I can feel it. Isn't it like that with you and Seth?"

I thought back to the kitchen and fought off a blush of my own. "Everyone's different," I said evasively. "So they say, anyway."

"Oh." She frowned. "So, now I feel a little slutty."

I took pity on her. "I haven't talked to any of the other imprints, Larry. I only know what's happening with me. And from what I can gather, it's not normal."

"Why, what's happening with you?"

I glanced at my feet. "I… it's a long story. Not the same thing that's happening to you."

She glanced around again. "Look, I know that school isn't the best place to talk about… um… what's been happening. Do you wanna come over after school?"

"I'll have to ask Uncle Billy," I said. I hadn't been doing that very much lately, and I felt bad about it. He may have lied but I was still living in his house, so that deserved a little respect.

Just a little though. He'd have to earn the rest.

"Call him at lunch," Larry urged. She looked desperate all of a sudden. "Please, Mu, I just… I can't go home and act like nothing happened yet. I'm still not sure if I'm crazy. If I have a friend there at least my parents won't bother me."

"I'll try," I agreed. A small seed of bitterness worked its way into my heart. How had Embry and Larry fallen so easily into their bond? Was that what imprinting was meant to be like? Was I meant to want that?

Did I want that?

_No._

_That's the bond talking. It's shifted and you just need time to adjust. _

_Breathe, Mu._

*.*.*.*

Someone tapped my shoulder.

I turned from attempting to neatly stack my books in my locker, mid conversation with Sally, and saw Sid standing there with a smile that faltered slightly when I blinked at him in surprise.

"Hi," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "I, uh, see you're feeling better?"

"Um, I wasn't sick," I said. "I just had some family stuff happening."

"Oh. Sorry."

Sally looked between us and sighed. "Boring. I was expecting something more dramatic. I'm going to go find Chris."

I looked after her in consternation. Did she really have to leave me here?

"So, I texted you," Sid said. "Did your phone crap out again?"

"Um, no," I said awkwardly. "I was just… kind of wrapped up with everything. I was kind of ignoring everyone."

"Oh." He looked sympathetic. "Are you okay? What happened?"

_Nothing much. I just discovered I may or may not be gifted, and it may or may not be connected to writing, which was the only thing keeping me sane until this point. Also, I made out with my wolf not-boyfriend not-lover not-anything and I kind of liked it but it also scared the shit out of me and I don't know what to do but we kind of played it cool last night so maybe we're back to normal. As normal as this whole completely fucked up situation can be._

"Um, it's a long story," I offered weakly. "But yeah, I'm alright."

"Good," he said, smiling again. "So, I was wondering if you were planning on going to Jade's party after finals?"

I tried not to blanch at the idea of going to the house of someone in Llana Stanley's inner circle for a party. "Um. No. I wasn't planning to."

"Any way I could persuade you?"  
><em>Well, I may be up to my neck in vampires by then. Hopefully they don't bite. <em>"Um. I don't think I'd be welcome there. She's friends with Llana, isn't she?"

"Yeah."

I looked at him with a touch of exasperation. "Sid. Llana hates me. So does Jade. Have you _really _not noticed that?"

"She's just jealous," he said dismissively. "She'll get over it."

"No," I said, a little irritated that he wasn't listening. "She won't. Especially since you seem to be giving everyone the impression that we're dating."

He looked slightly guilty. "I haven't told anyone we're dating."

"You haven't told them we aren't either," I pointed out. "Come on, Sid. It's awkward. She hates me for something that isn't even happening."

"Isn't it?"

I started at his hopeful look. "No. I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. But it can't. I'm not going to be here for too long, so there's just no point."

He leant against the lockers in front of me with his shoulder, blocking out the hallway behind him. "I don't mind. We're not talking marriage here, Mu. Just take pity on me and go on a few dates while you're around."

"Um. I don't want to get involved with anyone right now," I argued feebly, trying to find a tactful way to get out of this. I'd never had someone be so damn _persistent _before. And the problem was that I could see, in another life without any of this happening, that I might have liked Sid. I might have given in and dated him and ended up happy and heart-swollen. But in that life, I would never have met Seth that night at the beach. And I would never have had weird possibly-premonitions that were too vague to be of any use. So it probably would have been perfectly nice. Which meant that it clearly wasn't right for me.

_Because everything happens for a reason. _

Maybe the reason wasn't Seth. Maybe it was just me, and I was just a magnet for difficult and unpleasant realities.

"Alright," he acquiesced, straightening up again and holding his hands up in surrender. "I'll give up. For now."

_For now. _Just over a week ago, that probably would have meant more. But now it was just the weight of another person's expectations of my future falling atop my shoulders.

I tucked my hair behind my ear absently.

"What happened to your hand?" Sid asked suddenly, reaching out to grasp my elbow gently before I could retract it.

"Oh!" I looked down at it in surprise. Tylenol, which I had learned was the same thing was Panadol, had taken care of most of the discomfort it had caused. It was only when I knocked it or forgot and tried to flex my hand that it hurt. "Um. It was really dumb. I was making tea, and I got a fright and tipped the water all over myself."

"So it's not… part of your family stuff?"

I gaped and shook my head hurriedly. "No! God, no. It was just me being an idiot. Seriously."

He eyed me, obviously wondering whether to believe me or be concerned.

I should have just said I was sick.

"I'm not in an abusive home," I added. "Honestly, if anything my family are too worried about me getting hurt. It's kind of annoying."

"Okay. I believe you."

My phone dinged. I had forgotten to turn it on silent. I fished it out of my pocket and saw a message from Seth. I ignored it.

"Um, I'm just going to go to lunch, are you headed that way?" I asked, shutting my locker carefully.

He shook his head. "We're going to the diner for lunch. Want in?"

"I'm only a lowly sophomore," I said dryly. "Enjoy your pie, oh privileged senior."

"I'll see you later?"

"Alright," I said.

He frowned at me. "You look tired, Mu. You really okay?"

To my horror, I felt my eyes start to water. I looked down at my shoes and surreptitiously tried to breathe deeply, forcing whatever sleep-deprivation driven fears were making their way to the surface.

"I'm fine," I managed to say in an actually normal voice, glancing up at him with what I hoped wasn't a fake smile. "Just a bit stressed out. Finals. You should know, you're a big bad senior, aren't you stressing out?"

He seemed to accept it, smiling back. "Haven't mastered all nighters yet?"

"I have much to learn," I said, relaxing slightly.

"Well, I better go." He glanced toward the double doors outside. "Jade's driving, so hopefully she hasn't left without me." He looked back at me, smiling. And then I was being pulled into a hug that was both brief and warm. He rested his hands on my shoulders a minute. "I hope you feel better," he said quietly, letting me know he wasn't as fooled as I had assumed. Then he was loping off with a quick _see you later _thrown over his shoulder, and I was left alone in the emptied hallway.

I found Larry and the twins in the cafeteria. Everyone else was in class doing catch up stuff, apparently. The cafeteria was oddly empty of everyone who hadn't put in enough effort during the semester and was looking for extra credit before the break. My phone was going crazy in my pocket but I ignored it.

_Normal kid, right?_

"Who's trying to get hold of you?" Nate asked eventually after a few minutes of buzzing. I'd turned it on silent after a while.

"Um. Probably my cousin," I lied. "He's been trying to get me to join his community work group on weekends."

"Or Seth," Larry muttered, not quite quietly enough.

"Seth?" Tom frowned. "The other competitor for your affections? Are you and Sid on the outs already?"

"Me and Sid were never on the _in,"_ I grumbled irritatedly. "One date. _One date._ And suddenly everyone thinks we're a couple." Including Sid, apparently.

"I don't see the problem," Tom said. "You like him, he follows you around like an oversized puppy dog. Why not give him a chance?"

"I don't know if I like him. And I don't want to go out with someone just because they want me to, and just because I might feel something later on."

I expected him to protest, but he just shrugged and accepted it easily. "Fair point. Nathaniel! Get off Facebook, we're having a _conversation."_

"Thomas," Nate said absently as he scrolled, "If I wanted the opinion of a deranged elderly person I would call Grandma. Leave me alone."  
>I felt eyes on me and turned to see Breanna staring at us from another table. She'd tagged along with another group of friends easily enough after what had happened, but it still made me a little uneasy. I didn't have a penchant for dramatic flair when it came to high school politics. It made too many enemies.<p>

She looked away and I turned back to Tom berating his brother for his addiction to social media.

"Shut up," Nate said exasperatedly. "I can see everything you've posted, brother dear, and the most recent was an hour ago. Weren't you meant to be in History an hour ago?"

Tom sniffed in mock offense. "I don't take History. I _make _history."

Larry cackled while Nate shook his head at his twin, fighting a smile himself. I couldn't help snorting.

Sally and Chris chose this moment to return, Sally plopping down next to Nate and Chris settling more gracefully beside her.

My phone buzzed again, this time longer. Now he was calling. I stood up with a sigh and excused myself, not wanting to have to censor the conversation if it was something important.

"Why haven't you been replying?" Seth demanded, sounding frustrated, as soon as I answered the call.

I leaned back against the wall outside the cafeteria and frowned. "I'm with my friends. I didn't want to be rude."

"Whatever, liar, just…" he exhaled deeply, static over the phone. "Eleazar and Carmen are here."

"Who?"

"Friends of the Cullens, remember? Eleazar is the one who can… who _maybe_ can tell us… what's happening. With you."

"Oh." I had tried to put that out of my mind; the fact that there was possibly a definitive _test _that could prove whether I was normal or not. Normal-ish. Still a blood relative of a supernatural alpha, and still tied inexplicably to a brown-eyed boy who made my soul itch.

I was finding it a little difficult to breathe.

"...gonna pick you up after school," Seth was saying. "El? You there still?"

"I'm here," I said automatically, trying not to sound breathless with the anxiety that clutched my throat. "Um. After school. Okay."

"I'm sorry for the timing," came his voice, low and genuinely regretful. "But you like knowing stuff before it happens, so I wanted to warn you."

"Yeah," I said, thinking of how many things that I hadn't known about until well afterward and wondering if Seth was the only person who knew this about me. "Um. Are you coming to get me?"

"Do you want me to?" He was being careful again. Maybe he too was unsure where this new middle ground was located.

"Um. I think I do, yeah." I looked around to check that no one had come out after me, lowering my voice anyway. "Seth, I'm… I'm kind of freaking the fuck out here. I mean… what if… you know… and…"

"You'll be fine," he interrupted firmly. "You just gotta get through last period, and then I'll be waiting in the parking lot. We'll go home, get you fed, and then we'll go when _you're _ready. Understand?"

"Can't you come now?" I asked meekly, hating myself for needing a crutch to bolster myself right now. Or hating that the crutch was Seth. I wanted to go home, and not to Billy Black's house. I wanted my house in New Zealand, with the big window that I watched storms through and the crappy skylight in the upstairs bathroom.

"I could," he said, calm in the way I wasn't. "But then you'd have to explain to all your friends where you went. And you can't lie for shit, El."

I leant my head back against the wall with a muted _thud. _"Just… promise you'll be there? As soon as the bell rings?"

"Sweetheart-" -a jolt of inexplicable warmth at the word- "-I'd be there now if I thought that was what you really wanted."

He was right. Again. Which was infuriating.

"Jacob's going to be there too, right?" I asked, ignoring his comment. "Like. Um. At the house?"

"Along with Leah and Quil," Seth assured me.

"Okay," I said. "Okay. Um. Right."

"You alright?" he asked seriously. "I can come down there now if you really need me." Even though he knew I wanted independence, even though he had already seen right through me and knew I would regret it, he was still offering me the coward's way out of my day.

I closed my eyes for a second, drawing the threads my thoughts had chased back into my collective self. I very carefully ignored the thread that connected me to Seth, which I had been uncomfortably aware of since yesterday.

"No, don't come," I said. "I'll see you later."

"Good girl," he said quietly, and the statement should have rankled me. Being talked to like a child was condescending. But the velvet approval that came with it was warm tea with honey on a cold day; it offered comfort, and I knew from that alone that it was meant as a compliment.

"I'm such a fraud," I said. "These people think I'm normal."  
>"No one's normal. Fuck them."<p>

I smiled despite myself. "Goodbye, Seth."

"See you soon," he promised, and then he was gone and I was tucking my phone back into my pocket as I walked back into the lunch room, praying that the weight of the conversation hadn't left an indent on my face.

"What was that about?" Larry asked me curiously when I slipped back in next to her. Tom and Nate looked at me expectantly.

I shrugged, pulling a face. "Jacob. He reckons I moved stuff around in the kitchen he couldn't find what he wanted to eat."

Tom snorted and they went back to what they were talking about before. Larry raised an eyebrow at me when they weren't paying attention.

"I have to go home tonight," I said quietly. "I can't come over."

"How come?" she murmured, looking slightly alarmed.

I hesitated. "I can't… it's too long to explain now," I replied, flicking my eyes to the others at the table and back as significantly as I could without drawing their attention back.

She nodded reluctantly. "Call me later then?"

"Yeah."

"Mu!" Sally thankfully broke the moment when she noticed me there again, pulling me into a conversation on the merits of Jhene Aiko against those of Tinashe.

*.*.*

Seth was waiting leaned against a truck I didn't recognise when I finally made my way to the parking lot. I fought the urge to walk faster when our eyes locked, already craving the comfort of his skin and his scent.

"Mu!"

Sid had the worst timing.

I turned to him distractedly as he approached, wondering what on Earth he wanted now.

He grinned at me. "Couldn't find you after lunch."

"I walked Larry to her homeroom," I lied. "Um, I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"Oh." He glanced around and froze when he saw Seth watching us from fifty metres away. "Is that the douche from Mac's party?"

"Um," I said sheepishly, "That's Seth. He's picking me up for my cousin."

"_That's_ Seth? Christ, I didn't realise he was the same _guy." _He looked back at me, tinged ever so slightly with disapproval and betrayal. "This is the guy you hang out with? The one who tried to punch me out for _dancing _with you?"

"Um. Yes." I fidgeted uncomfortably. "He's, um, not usually like that."

"He wants in your pants," Sid said. "You sure you're safe around him?"

I reared back slightly, insulted on Seth's behalf. "_You _want in my pants. Am I safe around you?"

"That's not the same thing."

"Yeah, because he doesn't keep _pressuring me _to go on a damn _date _with him," I snapped. "I'll see you later, Sid."

He called after me half-heartedly, obviously too wary of Seth's presence to actually follow. I shook my head to myself and kept trudging towards the truck.

"I want a shower first," I said as I passed by him on my way to the passenger side. "We were dissecting today and I'm not going into this knowing everyone can smell poorly refrigerated sheep lungs on me."

"Okay. Your place or mine?"

I threw him a withering glance over how _couple-_like that sounded. "Um, _mine. _Where I keep my clothes."

"Alright, _sweetheart," _he replied, correctly guessing the source of my irritation as he swung himself into the cab. "I told Billy where you'll be later."

"I told him about my dreams," I said.

"I know."

"He's a strangely complex man."

"Must be a family trait," Seth deadpanned.

"You're hilarious. Do you do stand up?"

"I'd do you standing up."

I gaped at him, mortified. "_Seth!" _

He laughed openly at my face. "Calm down, Mu. It's a joke."

My cheeks were uncomfortably warm and I knew I must be blushing. I looked away and out the window as discomfort pricked my veins. He wasn't usually crude like this. I didn't like it.

"Besides," he added, "If we were going to have sex, I'd worship you between the sheets like the princess you are."

"You're such a dick," I muttered. "When did you become such a perve?"

"You're the one who messed with the bond," he reminded me cheerfully.

I pressed myself as close up against the door and as far away from him as I could. "I didn't _know," _I snapped.

"Well, you do now."

"Unfortunately."

He glanced over at me and dropped the facade for a moment. "You want to talk about it? I know we talked about some of it before, but..."

_Before, when I was all pressed up against you on the side of the road, learning that I may have damaged the platonic relationship I was carefully trying to keep intact? I was a wee bit distracted, dear._

"Um. I don't think there's anything to talk about."

"Oh, okay." He nodded and focused on the road again. "So, we're just going to pretend that you didn't _yank _me along the bond in your kitchen?"

"I didn't-"

"And that you didn't feel exactly how much that affected me?"

I felt myself flush again at the memory of that _feeling. _"Um, yes, pretending that didn't happen."

"And we're also pretending we didn't make out afterwards?"

I whipped around to glare at him. "You know, _you kissed me, _so that doesn't count!"

"Ah. Thanks for clearing that up." He nodded again pleasantly.

We drove along in silence. The cab felt smaller and less airy than before.

"Although," he said casually after a minute or so, "You did kiss me back. Does that count?"

"_No." _

"Okay."

"You shouldn't have kissed me."

"Alright."

"I mean it, Seth! You ruined everything. It's not happening again."

"Yep."

I scowled and flicked him on the shoulder childishly. "You're so annoying. Why are you so… agreeable all of a sudden?"

"I don't know what you mean," he said. "I'm your slave. Always have been. Anything for you, baby."

I looked at him sidelong, taking in the flexion of his knuckles on the steering wheel and the set of his jaw. He wasn't as unaffected as I had initially assumed.

Had my reaction hurt him somehow?

_No, Mu, guys love when their _actual legitimate soulmate _tells them that kissing them was a mistake and it's never going to happen again. _

Fuck. I was way too much of a child to deal with someone else's perspective. I didn't need to feel guilty on top of the nerves that were already making me want to vomit.

Too late. I already had the urge to jump out of my skin and hope my body would deal with it while my consciousness escaped.

"I…" My voice failed me for a second. I worked up the courage for a second attempt, the taste of the oncoming apology bitter in my mouth. Maybe it really was a Black trait. "I, um, don't… do that a lot. And I like what we had, so… it… I'm scared of it changing. And, um, I may have weird powers, and I don't think I can handle a boyfriend on top of that. Okay? Sorry. But I don't… it can't happen."

He shrugged. "It's fine, El. You can use me however you want. I just want you to be happy."

The worst thing was that he seemed to be telling the absolute truth.

*.*.*

**I'M SO SORRY IF THIS CHAPTER SEEMED ROUGH I DIDN'T GET A GOOD CHANCE TO EDIT IT. My life has been unexpectedly hella busy since I started this, I've only really had a few days to write it and edit it and it drove me insane but I wanted to get this chapter out before I went camping and forgot about it. There were other things I was going to put in but upon revision I have decided they shall go in the next chapter, which should be out maybe mid-January once I've been back near my laptop for a week or two. Anyway, here's my Christmas present to you all! Hope you liked it. Please review! xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Wowwww people have been adding me to faves and alerts and reviewing and it makes me feel so loved! And also the other day I was going through someone's favourite stories (pretty much how I navigate this site. I pick a genre, I assume if I like one person's fic they will have good taste, and then it's usually easier than finding everything myself) and my Zutara fic was there, which made me feel so cool because I think I wrote that… maybe two years ago now? And people still add it every so often. It's not about reviews or recognition but it is nice to know that my work is being read.**

**Thanks to writing4thewolves, haliai, whoever the guest was, bridget237 and Rogue's Queen for reviewing, your words of encouragement mean a lot to me! Especially since apparently this fic was started in December 2011 (WHAT) and is only up to chapter 8… oops… **

**I've decided that although I have my fingers in quite a few pies at the moment fics-wise, this one is going to be my primary focus. I really want to get this finished in 2015 so I can move on. I love Mu, and I love the way this story is turning out, but I just get so many ideas that I would love to work on and I don't have creative energy for while this is happening. This story has been a way for me to grow, and I feel like I'm at the point where I would like to branch out. Including maybe a few projects that aren't fics…? We shall see ;)**

*.*.*

The Cullen house was as grandiose as I remembered, although my memory had painted the modern space dark and gothic with ill intent. I almost reached for Seth's hand as we pulled up before I remembered the odd rift between us that hadn't been resolved while we were at my house.

_You don't need his help anyway._

_You're fine._

I got out of the cab before he could come around and open the door, slamming it behind me with a little more force than necessary and ignoring Seth's pointedly raised brow at the action.

Petulant, yes. Satisfying, also yes.

I shoved my hands rather unceremoniously into the pockets of my jacket to hide their shaking before following him towards the house, where Jacob and Eleazar and the Cullens waited.

I almost wished it were a dungeon so that my fears would be justified.

Seth's large hand came to rest on my lower back, making me flinch slightly; I hadn't realised that he had dropped back to join me. I looked up at him questioningly.

He slid his hand around my waist to my hip and pulled me into step with him as we walked, dropping his chin slightly to kiss my temple. _It'll be okay. _

Why was he _always_ so obviously a better person than me? I thought he was still angry with me and now he was being all comforting and beautiful.

My stomach churned, a mixture of nerves and self loathing.

We were at the steps, and then on the porch, and then walking through the door. Oh God. Oh God, oh God, _nonononononono…_

Edward looked like he was wincing slightly from the force of my denial. I forced myself to breathe, leaning into Seth when we came to a stop and focusing on music like I had last time. Something soothing. A Six60 song, one that sounded like summer and spread like sweet syrup over the chords. One that did not sound like vampires and supernatural happenings and the Cullen house.

Edward relaxed and sent me a thankful nod.

"Eleanor, take a seat," his beautiful wife offered politely in her melodious voice.

I sank into the couch and clasped my hands together tightly, barely noticing Seth settling in beside me as I surveyed the occupants of the room this time.

_One. Two. _Edward and Bella, the demi-leaders of this branch of Cullen, sharing a piano stool. Jacob said that Esme and Carlisle had moved somewhere further up the coast, close enough to visit Nessie but not close enough to cause suspicion over their miraculous age-defying life.

_Three. _Jasper, the blonde one who took everything in at shutter speed. He was without his significant other this time, and as such he stood firmly planted instead of orbiting her gravity field. His eyes were sharp on the situation.

_Four. Five. _Newcomers. One hulking and one similar height to Edward. Both male. The big one was grinning and at ease, lounging on a chair with his massive thighs splayed. A casual threat, should he choose to be.

The other one was watching me intently, leaning forward with hands clasped on his thighs. He also sat in a chair.

Where was Jacob?

"This is my brother, Emmett," Edward said of the big one. "And this is Eleazar. Emmett, Eleazar, this is Eleanor Black."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Eleazar said.

Emmett winked at me. "Sure is. Thought wittle baby Seth was never gonna get himself a girlfriend for a while there."

I stiffened.

"She's not my girlfriend, Emmett," Seth said calmly. Emmett looked disappointed by the lack fo reaction and shrugged, holding his hands up in apology.

"Eleanor," Edward said as I looked around again in case I had missed my cousin's hulking presence, "Jacob took Nessie hunting. They'll be back any minute. We weren't sure when you would arrive."

Oh.

_At least I have Seth._

"You're aware," Eleazar said quietly, "of my talent?"

_Um. Yes. Vaguely. _I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"Would you like to know how it works?"

_I would like to know if my life is officially cursed, but sure, why not? _I nodded again. When it wasn't Seth, it appeared I did still have some manners.

Eleazar was still watching me unblinkingly. It was unnerving. It was a reminder that, no matter how he looked, he was not a man. He was Something Else, Something Dangerous that set any hackles I may have had on edge. "Every person has an aura about them. Normal people are usually blues, greys… cooler colours. Gifted people often have brighter hues. The colours themselves give some indication as to what kind of Gift the person has, but much more than that is the _feeling. _Shields, like Bella for example, are slippery things. Hard to see, as the colours are muted, but you can _feel _them precisely because they don't want you to."

"Eleazar," Seth said, obviously sensing my impatience better than the mind reader or the empath in the room could. "You mind getting to the point? El needs to know." One of his hands came to rest over my knotted ones and I clasped it eagerly between both, still locked in the gaze of the strange new vampire.

"My apologies," Eleazar acknowledged. His bright golden eyes sharped as he focused on me once more. "I'm trying to explain so that it won't be difficult for you to understand… I know how to read people with Gifts, and I saw a great many when I was serving the Volturi. I have never seen one quite like yours."

_Yours. Quite like yours, he said. _

_I have a Gift._

_What an ironic name for it._

"Yours is…" he frowned, obviously trying to think of a way to explain. "It's difficult to describe. I can't feel how it will manifest. But there is something there, it's just… it's _changing. _Most peculiar, really. You're covering it over with a normal front, but beneath… the colour is so _rich… _I can only see glimpses most of the time. I thought perhaps a shielding aspect, but it doesn't feel right. You aren't projecting like a shield would. And it flares occasionally... I wonder…" He turned his gaze on Seth. "Would you mind crossing to the other side of the room a moment?"

Seth looked at me assessingly, squeezed my hands, then glanced back and nodded. He rose and went to join Jasper by the far wall.

I hated it.

"Thank you," Eleazar murmured as he watched. I dragged my gaze away from Seth to find him watching me again. "And now, if you'll come back?"

Seth shrugged and strode back, easing himself back down beside me with his arm behind my back. I leaned into his shoulder slightly, feeling my heartbeat decrease again at the feel of his warm, solid presence.

At last, Eleazar leaned back and his gaze shifted to the wall above us. He looked to be contemplating something.

"I have a theory," he began hesitantly. "And - I do stress, it _is _merely a theory. Your Gift is stronger when Seth is around. I understand you two are…"

"We share an imprint," Seth supplied quickly as Emmett opened his mouth.

Eleazar nodded. "I theorize that the establishment of the imprint may have catalysed the Gift. It's not normal for it to manifest so strongly in a human. I believe something may have nudged you, so to speak, in the right direction to develop whatever skill your Gift brings."

_The right direction? I think not._

He was still speaking. "I think that your Gift will continue to develop. It's much like a muscle. The more it manifests and is used, the less it drains and the stronger it becomes."

I blanched. I had to _intentionally use _it now?

"Isn't there a way to, um, turn it off?" I asked nervously.

He frowned at me. "It's not a door you can shut, Eleanor. It's more like a landslide. Eventually it will all come down. You're better to be prepared for that to happen than to try and ignore it."

I felt vaguely dizzy and leaned forward to put my head between my knees. Seth's hand settled on the back of my neck and started working the tension out of it. It was soothing and warm and not quite distracting enough.

I heard padding footsteps, and then there was another warm hand on my shoulder.

"You started without me?" Jacob asked, sounding displeased. "We agreed to wait. Edward, c'mon, she's new to this stuff. She needs support."

"She had Seth," the vampire replied. "She thought it would be sufficient."

_GET OUT OF MY HEAD._

"I'm sorry, Eleanor," he said, not sounding sorry at all. I didn't much like vampires if these were the ones I was basing my opinion on. And maybe that was rude to think that with a telepath present, but it wasn't particularly polite to delve into people's thoughts, and it was especially rude to acknowledge that you were doing so.

I glared at him.

_Stop it. Don't make me think annoying songs at you. I'll do it._

He flinched a little when he heard snippets of my choices.

"Sorry, Mu," Jacob said in a much more sincere way. He flopped down in one of the other couches adjacent to it all.

Why did they have so many couches if they didn't need to sit? Did they really have _that _many guests to keep up appearances for?

"I thought you were going to be later, so I took out Nessie for a while…"

I noticed the willowy girl-child with large brown eyes flanking Jacob silently, a small spectre. So this was his imprint. I studied her curiously, encouraged by the fact she was clearly doing the same thing. She looked maybe twelve, maybe a young thirteen. Jacob had mentioned that her growth had slowed down a lot once she hit three, so maybe she was going to linger through the awkward bloom of puberty for a while.

Poor thing.

She had long, curly brown-red-pretty hair, at least to her waist. I had a strange moment where Claudia, the only other - albeit fictional - immortal child to have graced my life. I remembered the impulsiveness, the inability to see consequence, the terrible curse of being too young for eternal youth. This girl was different. Her eyes were solemn. She held herself still, like her parents, but every so often she would fidget as if it were a habit she could not keep in. She would tuck her hair or shift her weight, then flinch almost imperceptibly as if berating herself for her own impatience.

Growing up with venom-generated perfection for a family must be hard. But at least she got to grow up.

"Ness," Jacob said, "This is my cousin that I was telling you about. Her name's Mu."

She frowned minutely. "Then why does my father call her Eleanor?" Her voice was clear and slightly high pitched, although it didn't chime like Alice's had.

"That's my full name," I mumbled. "Nice to meet you."

"It's very nice to meet you too," she said, still looking troubled by the distinction of having two names.

Bella stepped forward out of her husband's embrace and came to settle beside Jacob, a scrap of fluttering silk compared to his bulk. "Jake, you didn't miss much. Eleazar doesn't know quite what we're dealing with here."

We? I think you mean _me, _dear.

A dull throb started in my head.

"I am curious," Eleazar himself said, "about whether the dreams and the Gift are different manifestations of the same thing, and whether once you master them, they will combine and you will understand what your Gift is."

"And if it stops?" I said quietly, hopefully, while they all seemed to mull this over.

For the first time, Eleazar seemed to look at me with something akin to pity. "It won't stop, Eleanor. Be assured of that."

Emmett stood and stretched unnecessarily. "Well," he said loudly, "I'm gonna go find Rose. I was hoping the human would get all zappy like Kate."

I blinked in confusion and he was gone, which was fairly disconcerting and did nothing to dispel the uneasy feeling churning inside.

"We move fast," Edward said apologetically.

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples, willing the slow throb of my headache away. Seth's hand settled on the nape of my neck and massaged gently. I let my head fall forward slightly so he had better access, allowing my hands to drop so my forearms braced me, one on my left knee, one on Seth's right knee as he sat in that space-consuming way males do.

It scared me how much I couldn't deal with. It scared me how often I was physically weakened by all of this, all of this _otherness _which had been thrust upon me.

"Mu," Jacob said gently. There was a creak of furniture. I presumed he was leaning toward me. "If you need a break, we can do this another time. You don't have to be here right now."

"It's about me," I said distractedly, trying to focus on the warmth of Seth against my side instead of the fact I was a _freak _with some kind of mysterious _power._ "Where else am I meant to be?"

I hadn't felt Seth since I had messed with the bond, but something in the way he shifted and the way his free hand settled with his fingertips on the soft skin of my inner arm told me he was… _proud _of me, somehow. For staying. For not running. For once.

Hell, maybe when I figured out what was going on, I would be proud of me too.

"How do I control it?" I said, lifting my head to look at Eleazar. The hand which had been massaging my neck dropped to rest on the couch beside my right hip, his arm spanning the curve of my back.

He spread his hands apologetically. "I could not tell you. It varies from person to person. Some do not have any control over it, like Alice. It just comes and goes as it pleases. But I would suggest that, as it has a physical impact on you, it may be like a muscle. Figure out what activates it and work until you can use it at will."

"How do I figure that out?"

"Start with your wolf," Eleazar suggested, nodding at Seth. "It reacts to him. Maybe it is necessary that he be there."

_I bet he'll find that really difficult, _I thought wryly, _being around me when I have no excuse to send him off. _

Although now that I thought about it, I'd spent more time clinging to him than pushing him away as of late.

"I would suggest," Eleazar began again, drawing back my thoughts and gaze, "That you try to focus on whatever it was you felt the last time. The… buzzing, was it, Edward?"

I tensed.

Fuck going through that again.

_But you have to, _my sensible side reasoned. _It gets worse before it gets better, right?_

Right. Except I was in no way, shape, or form an optimistic person.

I glanced around and noticed that most of them seemed… _expectant. _

"What, right now?" I blurted out. _Sweet baby Christ, no._

Edward looked disappointed. "That's alright, Eleanor. We wouldn't expect you to do it at the drop of a hat."

_But you would. Hypocrite. _I straightened up a little, drawing back into myself and away from Seth. "Um. This is a lot to think about, but… we can't really solve anything until we know what we're dealing with. Right? So. Um. Can I go home now please?"

Edward bowed his head in acknowledgement, ever the gracious host despite the fact that I had actually been more asking Jacob for his permission. Elder cousin. Alpha. Kind of in charge either way.

Jasper hadn't said a word the entire time.

I was ushered out by my wolf escort, Jacob throwing a smile and a _see you soon, Nessie! _over his shoulder as we went.

"So," Jacob said. "How was school?"

I looked at him in disbelief.

His mouth twitched, and then we started laughing. Him because of his dumb joke and me because if I didn't laugh I was going to cry and Seth had seen me cry enough in the last few days.

An eerie howl started up from somewhere over the border. Jacob frowned and looked at Seth, who nodded, then glanced at me.

"I have to get going," he said, looking genuinely apologetic. "Look, kid, me and you are gonna sit down and sort all of this out so that you're happy with it, okay? Tomorrow. When you get home. I promise."

I felt a little bittersweet pang, because I had kind of forgotten what it was like when someone in your family wanted to make plans _with _you. Jacob was definitely on track to be my favourite cousin.

"Alright," I said, a little taken aback by his apparent concern. "Um. See you then?"

"Don't forget," he ordered - another dumb joke - before turning and jogging into the forest on feet that were deceptively light for such a heavy set man.

"You're surprised," Seth said as we got back in the truck. "You thought he'd just decide for you? Something this important?"

I shrugged.

"El, you're pack," he told me, like it should have been obvious. "Jake's Alpha. Even if you never have faith in family taking care of family, you should always have faith in pack taking care of pack. It's more than blood. You _know _that."

"The only pack I really know are you and Jacob," I pointed out. "You've gone and imprinted on me, and he's my cousin. You kind of have to be concerned with my business. The rest of the pack probably doesn't."

"But they do," he argued, frowning. "Seriously? You haven't talked to anyone else?"

"You're always hovering around, you tell me."

"Guess not," he mused, not responding to the barb itself. "Well, we're going to fix that. You're hungry anyway."

*.*.*

The door on Emily's house wasn't symmetrically painted and, as we walked towards it, it drove me slowly insane. Maybe it was petty to pick faults with someone's door, but Mum had been huge on first impressions and the first impression this gave me was that Emily had ran out of green paint halfway - not even an _even _halfway, it was jagged and uneven - through and switched to pink. How she had jumped from green to pink, I didn't know. Why was also unclear. But there it was, a garishly hideous door that I was judging the shit out of because I refused to focus on the real problems in life.

I wondered what colour it had been before this, because clearly it was an old house and old houses told stories about the feet that wore down the planks on the porch and the children that grew a notch in the wall at a time and the odd shape in the floorboards where something had spilt or burnt a mark thirty years ago. They came patched and peeling or refurbished and expensive, but usually neither of these options included green and pink doors. I thought that maybe it had been unpainted originally, and then someone had scratched it or damaged it in some way that was easier to sand down and cover up with paint.

Seth didn't hold my hand. I liked that. He didn't link our fingers together as a show of support, a show of unity. He stood beside me as I stood by myself, as we entered the house of Emily Uley.

It was like descending into chaos. I hadn't been around the wolves en masse since that first night at the beach, mainly interacting with Seth, Jacob, and Embry. They had this way of filling a room, cramped into chairs and corners and patches of floor, so that it felt like anyone who wasn't a wolf was some kind of liquid or gas moving in the available space between fantastically solid objects. The wolf at my side placed his hand on the small of my back and steered me into another room, probably sensing my rising claustrophobic sensibilities.

"Breathe," He reminded me quietly, a whisper in my ear. I wondered when exactly I had stopped telling myself that and come to rely on him.

Two women were in the kitchen. One looked older than the other, maybe late twenties to the other woman's early twenties. Their hands were deftly preparing food, peeling potatoes and chopping carrots and, if I wasn't mistaken, making stuffing. The smell of savoury meat and cheese _something _was drifting from the oven.

I felt a pang of loss for the family dinners I had at home, where all the cousins in my extended family would have to help with prep and dishes.

The eldest one noticed us first and turned to face us fully. One side of her face was deeply scarred and I concluded that this must have been Emily. I smiled weakly at her when she beamed, lovely in her ruin, one side of her mouth not quite matching the other due to the stiffness of the scar tissue. She was jagged. Despite my scrutiny of her front door, I found this lack of symmetry beautiful. She was beautiful. I wanted to write her into immortality and have future generations toast her.

"Hello," she said, wiping her hands on the apron tied around her waist. "You must be… well, would you prefer El, or Eleanor, or Mu?"

I froze slightly as she hugged me carefully, bringing my arms up to loosely return it for a fraction of a moment until she stepped back again. She smelled like lavender and comfort.

"Um," I said, "Mu is fine. Seth's the only one who calls me El."

"Well, Mu, it's lovely to meet you." She gestured to the other girl. "This is Kim. We were just saying how nice it'd be to have another wolf girl around."

Wolf girl. Is that what I was now? Eleanor Black. Wolf girl. Couldn't Seth be a girl's wolf?

"Hi," Kim said with a smile, watching me with a gaze that I recognised. She was an observer, like me. I wondered if she wrote.

"Hi," I repeated like a fool. _Don't leave me Seth don't leave me here with these strangers don't you dare don'tyoudare…_

His fingertips drug around to squeeze my hip reassuringly, pulling me into him for a half embrace and a kiss to my temple.

"I have to go talk to the pack," he murmured in my ear. "You'll be fine."

_No, I won't. _"Um. Okay," I said uncertainly, conscious of Kim and Emily still standing there. Was this a pre-ordained thing, that the imprints all hung out while the big kids talked about the important stuff?

He let go of me and left the room.

I fiddled with my shirt hem nervously. "Um. Do you need help peeling?"

This earned me another brilliant smile from Emily. "That's alright. Your hand is injured anyway, isn't it? There isn't much one handed work, sorry."

_Right. _Well, that made me feel useless.

I awkwardly took my place at the bench next to Kim, who was peeling potatoes into a plastic bag.

"I'm glad you're here," Kim said. "You're closer to our age than Alex."

I frowned, confused. "Alex?" Was there another imprint?

"Collin and Brady's sister," she explained, rolling her eyes. "She always finds something else to do when we have to cook for the boys."

"Oh." I shrunk slightly at the mention of shirking work. "So, do all the families know?"

There was a beat of silence that told me I had asked the wrong thing.

"No," Emily finally replied, in a voice that implied she wasn't happy about this. "The Council has decided that only imprints and those who come across the evidence themselves can know. Some of the boys parents don't even know. Alex is just… well, she has a way of…"

"She's sneaky," Kim said flatly. "Sneaks in. Sneaks out. Hears and sees a lot of things she shouldn't."

"Kim, no," Emily said half-heartedly, obviously used to being the diplomatic one. "Alex isn't a _sneak, _she's just… well, she has a habit of…"

"Sneaking," Kim supplied again. She glanced at me with a smile, amused by Emily's attempt to soften the blow. "You'll see. I'm surprised you haven't met her yet."

"I haven't been around the pack a lot," I demurred.

"Well, that'll probably change now," she commented. "Pack life has a way of drawing you in once you accept that it exists."

I stared at her hands uneasily as they worked. _That's what I'm afraid of. _"Well, I don't know how long I'm going to be here. My entire family is in New Zealand."

"Not your entire family," Emily said after another of those uncomfortable beats. "You have Billy and Jake, and Rachel, and Rebecca. And us, now. Pack is family. You'll get it eventually."

_I don't want to _be _here for 'eventually' to happen. Um. I think. _

"Mm," I mumbled, not wanting to offend these nice people just because they were part of something that I was having issues with. I bet their imprints were perfect and happy. I bet they knew exactly where they stood. I bet that the choice between their old life and this one wasn't even a choice, just acceptance. _Eventually. _

They continued prepping and cooking, Emily and Kim bouncing effortlessly off each other without my needing to have much input. I looked longingly at the door to the next room a few times. It wasn't so much that I wanted Seth - I was still firmly denying that - as it was that I didn't want to be in this kitchen, useless because I only had one fully functional hand.

"I'm just going to get some air," I said quietly after a while, earning another guilt-inducing soft smile from Emily. They were just so _understanding _and I was so _broken. _It felt wrong to be around them like this when I couldn't even contribute to their perfection. I fled through the screen door to the back porch, taking deep lungfuls of the cold December air.

It stung my lungs, little needles pricking uncomfortably as the tissue stretched and my chest expanded. I closed my eyes and embraced it, feeling like the low grade headache I had been nursing on and off since the Cullen house was finally absent in these icy conditions.

"You're gonna freeze out here," an unfamiliar voice said.

I flinched and opened my eyes to find the source. A girl who looked a bit younger than me stood to my left, a few paces away. She had jagged cropped black hair that fell messily and called attention to high cheekbones that I was certain I wouldn't have at any stage of pubescence, let alone her age. In the golden light spilling from the kitchen window, I saw thin lips on a wide mouth and a narrow nose leading to what I assumed were regal brows hidden beneath the messy ends of her hair. I couldn't see what colour her eyes were. I assumed brown. Just a safe guess.

She was also wearing a heavy winter jacket, which I was lacking. I had taken it off when we had come in through the front door.

"You're the new girl, I assume," she continued. "Don't they have winter in Australia?"

"New Zealand," I corrected automatically.

"Same difference," she said dismissively.

It really wasn't, and I felt slightly offended, but I held my tongue. There was something slightly intimidating about this girl. I hadn't got her measure. I didn't know if she used claws.

"You need to adjust faster," she said pointedly, fixing her gaze on me so that for a moment I wondered if we were still talking about the weather. "You're stuck here. May as well get used to it."

"I'm not used to it being so cold," I said, playing it safe. "Um. Are you Alex?"

"Obviously," she said with a scoff. "And you're the great and mighty Mu, come to show our Seth salvation. Which, might I add, is the stupidest nickname I've ever heard."

"Well, I don't think you were around to consult when they came up with it." I didn't really like her referring to him as _our _Seth, either. He was mine. Deny what I may and run as I did, I knew in my bones that he was mine. Not _ours. _

"Did I offend you? Sorry." She sounded about as sincere as a politician who didn't need votes anymore after a successful campaign. "I'd think you have enough people tiptoeing around you that you'd appreciate some honesty."

Seth was honest. He just wasn't _mean. _

"What did you mean, show him salvation?" I asked instead of responding to her comment.

"Oh, you know," she said, flapping a hand in another show of dismissal. "He's what you need, you're what he needs, and the fact that apparently he's started being a good little wolf ever since you got here. He's boring now. I used to mess with him when he was high. Now I can't do it and it's all your fault."

Alex was a lot to take in. She was very bold.

"Um. Right. Sorry."

"How's the whole imprinting thing going, anyway?" She was off again, rapid and ruthless. "I hear it's not all sunshine and birdies with you guys. I gotta be honest, it makes a nice change. It gets a bit Disney with all these happy ever afters we have happening around here. Like where's the _reality, _you know? If I was directing this, we'd have so many character flaws you wouldn't be able to spit without hitting one. Makes the puzzle a lot more interesting if some of the pieces don't quite fit at first, don't you think?"

"Um," I said, blinking, "Sure."

She eyed me. "I'm pretty sure you've got more to say than that, but I guess you're shy, so I'll just have to keep going until I get something decent out of you. Tell me, did you like Model Imprints One and Two in there? I find them a bit too sweet. Kim has potential, she gets hella sarcastic, but Emily is so… well, she's a lovely person, and I'm not, so we're bound to clash. You looked like you were running from them when you came out here so I'm going to assume you find it all a bit sickening as well. Oh, you know who you should totally be friends with? _Leah. _Easily the best chick in this whole thing."

"I've only met her once."

"And you're dating her brother? Shame on you, that's not how you treat future in-laws." She shrugged out of her jacket and handed it to me. "Take the damn thing, you're shivering already and if you get too cold your boyfriend will come and interrupt our beautiful moment."

"I'm not dating him," I pointed out as I took the jacket, wondering why Seth coming out here would be such a bad thing. Alex had another thick jumper underneath and looked less affected by the cold than I had been in my hoodie. "We're… It's not like that."

"Trust me, you're dating," she asserted. "Let me guess, alright? I've seen this thing play out a few times. There's a healthy amount of denial, even with the Kims and the Emilys of the world. You don't want to date him, but you can't seem to stop being around him. You're like damn magnets. No, it's actually worse than that. He's the moon and you're Earth. You're holding him in your gravity field and he's just rotating around you, waiting for you to be ready. You probably don't date other guys because of him and you probably spend increasing amounts of time together. Sound about right?"

I gaped at her. "Um. No," I lied.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Are you lying? Because I have, like, at least four counts of supernatural mumbo jumbo to back me up here."

My headache was returning. "Um. Can we talk about something else?"

"No."

I sighed.

The door behind me opened and Emily's head popped out. "Mu, you forgot your jacket- oh, Alex! You're back. We could use a hand in here."

"Ask her, she has one to spare," Alex said flippantly.

I switched her jacket for mine and sat down on the back porch as Emily shook her head and gave up, retreating back to the warmth of the kitchen.

"You must really be choking in there if you're staying out here with me," she remarked, plopping down as well. "You don't even like me. I can tell. I don't really care, but, like, you should probably get better at hiding things. You have the worst poker face. Do you get away with anything? Like, seriously, people are worried about me giving things away but you're probably the worst person to have a secret double life."

"I don't have a secret double life," I protested.

She looked at me like I was stupid. "You're dating a shape-shifting wolf and trying to finish high school whilst not being able to tell anyone about said wolf or any of his lupine compatriots. You don't think that's two separate lives, Hannah Montana?"

She may have had a point there, as much as it pained me to admit.

"I'm not going to call you Mu," she announced next. "I want my own nickname for you. We're going to be stuck together at a lot of these things and I refuse to call you something that sounds like a cow."

"Everyone calls me Mu."

"Well, _I'm _not everyone," she said tartly. "Let's see… Eleanor is a fairly generic name, can't get much out of that. El, Ellie, Nora, Nory, Lena... I think I'll just go classic and call you Ellie. Sounds more like a girl and less like a sound effect."

"It's a nickname for a Maori word," I tried to explain. "Pounamu means, um, jade, I guess you'd call it here, and my uncles called me that when I was little because of m-"

"Your fantastically luminous green eyes, got it." Alex prodded me in the side, making me flinch. "Do you ever relax? You're so serious and… tense. I feel like giving in to the imprint would unwind you something great."

I blinked again. "Um. That's none of your business." How old was this girl, anyway? She didn't talk like other fourteen year olds. She was way more self assured than I had ever been at that age. Or now.

She snorted. "Your business is everyone's business. Welcome to the pack. Shared mind and all. Why are you so squeamish anyway, it's just sex. Prude."

"How old _are _you?" I wondered aloud, voicing my query finally.

She smiled innocently. "Thirteen. My mom is a slut and you tend to learn about sex when people keep throwing that word around."

"I didn't think your mum was around," I said carefully, remembering something Jacob had mentioned once. It was just them and their dad.

"She's not," Alex said casually. "I think she's hanging around some rich asshole in Toronto at the moment. She sent me a postcard when they went to Hawaii a few months ago. She might have moved on by now though. You never really know with that woman." She clapped her hands in faux-excitement and leaned toward me. "Your turn for sharing! What skeletons do you hide? Rumour is your dad is alcoholic, but personally I think those just got blown out of proportion when you arrived here without him."

I flinched as if she had poked me again. "He's, um, not an alcoholic." I thought. I hadn't actually heard from him since I left home, but I was pretty sure my other family would have told me by now if something serious was happening.

"Just cold-blooded? Sweet." She closed her eyes and tilted her head slightly as if basking in the dark sky above. "We should start a club."

"Your dad is here," I said sharply, not liking the assumptions she continued to toss my way without a care.

She opened her eyes to glance at me. "Shows what you know. My dad is one of the great unsolved mysteries in life, along with where socks go in the dryer."

"Um. I thought you guys lived with-"

"Collin and Brady's dad, yes." She sighed and straightened up again. "Deduce it, Watson, try using that brain of yours for something other than mooning over Seth."

I shot her a look. "Why are you telling me all this?"

She shrugged, back to her cheery act. "Because, dummy, sharing makes us the bestest of friends and _golly, _I sure do love new friends! Although, you kind of suck at sharing. Most of the things I know about you I just made up because I was bored and you were boring."

"I'm not-"

"Calm down, Ellie. You're so sensitive." She eyed me shrewdly again. "For someone who doesn't like me, you sure are sitting here taking a lot of crap. Maybe you do like me. I'll have to try harder to be crass and insulting next time I meet someone… Or maybe I should have waited for Leah to be here so she could actually talk to you. She thinks you're some stupid shy girl." She studied me, then smiled. I felt like I had passed some sort of test, although I wasn't quite sure how. "I think I'm going to like having you around. You seem not-normal. I'll teach you how to bust some balls."

"Um. That's alright," I said, "You don't have to."

Thankfully, Emily chose that time to stick her head out again and tell us that the food was ready and we'd better get in and grab a plate before they served it to the boys.

"Do you do this all the time?" I asked the beautifully damaged woman as I spooned lasagne onto my plate. "Cook for them?"

"Saint Em does everything around here," Alex interjected, merrily waving the salad servers for emphasis. "Take a bow, Emily. You're better than all of us."

"Alex," Emily said, pinking with embarrassment and maybe some irritation. "I asked you not to call me that, it makes me uncomfortable. You know I don't think like that."

Alex rolled her eyes, prompting a glare from Kim, who was buttering a roll.

"We get together about once a week now, most of us," Emily said to me, reverting back to my original question. "It used to be more often, but the pack is so big now. We have a few strays come around most nights though."

"Her and Sam can't afford to feed all of them," Kim murmured to me when Emily's back turned. "People started muttering about how much the community workers were getting paid. Not a lot of money to go around on the Rez. Not enough to feed two packs. They hunt for a lot of the meat themselves now."

"You forgot how they thought this was a gang house or something," Alex said, surprising me as she kept her voice low too. "Fucking idiots."

Kim looked like she was torn between agreeing with her and telling her off for swearing before she'd even really hit puberty. I felt about the same.

"Right, everyone served?" Emily asked brightly. "We'll just take these out to the boys then. Alex, the lasagne please?"

I wondered when Emily was going to get around to being a mum for real, because with all the practise she was getting handling the people around here, she would probably be phenomenal.

Kim and I followed them into the main room with our plates - I'd tried to carry Emily's as well, but Kim wouldn't let me take it. Probably a good thing. It'd been a while since my last Tylenol and my hand was starting to hurt a little. I needed to go home and change the bandage again, put more ointment on it.

I sat next to Alex, because Kim and Emily had sat next to each other in what I assumed was their customary spot for these sort of things. I didn't see Jared here, and I was willing to bet that Sam would have been introduced to me already if he'd been here. Seth caught my eye inquiringly. I shrugged and bent my face to study my fork as I picked at my lasagne. Honestly, I just wanted to go home. Which I had said. Repeatedly.

The room wasn't as full as I had originally assumed. There were four other wolves, not including Seth. The twins - I still didn't know which was which - plus Quil and Paul. It was an eclectic mix of both packs that had me wondering whether the borders were as clear cut as Jacob had made them seem. I doubted it.

"So," said Quil once he had gulped down half his enormous portion. "I hear you're the resident spook."

I froze. Seth growled. Paul smacked him upside the head.

"Dude," Alex said, shaking her own head, "Even _I _had more tact than that."

He scowled. "Shut up, Alex."

"Don't blame me for your idiocy," she said idly. "Blame the person who dropped you on your head as a baby."

"Threw him, more like," Seth added dryly.

Quil rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay, play the _Quil's an idiot _scenario again. Fact is, you're all just as curious as me and Seth ain't telling us anything. So, Mu, sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but we're really all just nosy bastards and there's no real secrets in the pack anyway."

"What's got your panties in a wad?" Alex said challengingly, raising a brow.

He shuddered. "Claire's friend told her what sex was."

"So?"

"Claire's friend was going off false information. _Very _false. And slightly terrifying."

Alex cackled. "So you had to have the birds and bees discussion with her? God, I wish I did your freaky pack mind thing, I'd _love _to see that play out!"

He glared at her again.

I wished I'd sat by Seth, propped as he was against the couch so that Emily and Kim had their spot.

A howl sounded, loud, close, chilling only to me. Everyone else seemed downright uninterested. One of the twins, whoever was sitting closest to me, noticed my discomfort.

"It's just the next rotation," he explained, patting my arm reassuringly.

I nodded, wondering if that meant we were about to get another influx of wolves. But it was only one wolf who strode in a few moments later, and he went straight to Emily and tugged her up so he could kiss her. His lips brushed briefly over each scar and I saw each kiss's impact like an old fashioned flashbulb as Emily glowed progressively brighter.

He let her back down and took stock of who was in his house. His dark eyes catalogued each wolf and each girl and stopped on me impassively.

"Eleanor Black," he said. "I was wondering when you'd come around here."

I didn't know by his tone if that was a good thing or a bad thing, so I just smiled weakly and mumbled something about it being _nice to meet you_.

He looked vaguely amused now. It was a relief to see emotion in his eyes, which had become guarded as soon as he set Emily down.

"You're always welcome here," he told me, and the words hit me like a weight in the chest. I blinked and tried not to panic for a moment as a feeling like molasses overcame me, but then it was spreading out from my chest into pleasant warmth and I felt like I could finally _breathe _in this house.

An Alpha's blessing, I realised belatedly.

"Thank you," I said quietly, trying to convey with my gaze that I understood, that I _was _grateful, that I wasn't brushing it off.

He nodded and followed Emily, who was tugging his hand into the kitchen, where I assumed she had something for him to eat as the food here had been completely destroyed by the boys.

"I never got that," Alex grumbled under her breath.

"No one wants you here, brat," Paul grumbled.

She scowled. "Go pine over Rachel. You're nicer when you're brainless."

"Alex," one of her brothers chided half-heartedly. Was he telling her off for Paul's sake, or for making fun of imprinting in a house where the majority were either imprints or imprinted?

I was finding it very hard all of a sudden to keep my eyes open. The feeling of warmth had left me gooey and soul-soft, propped up against the wall in a supernaturally induced puddle held together only by my bones. I let the conversation flow around me as background noise.

My eyes had just slid shut when I felt arms sliding under me. I started for a moment before I realised that it was Seth, his familiar scent and heat lulling me to place my head against his shoulder as he carried me out.

"Seth, wait!" someone was saying, and then a jacket was being draped over me and carefully tucked in. I smelt a faint whiff of lavender. Emily.

Someone said something in Quileute. Sam? I sighed and nestled my head better into the warm skin of Seth's shoulder, blocked by his shirt though it was. Seth replied briefly in the same tongue, and then we were outside and alone, his rocking gait as comforting as the hearbeat against my cheek.

I must have dozed off properly, because when I woke up next I was being placed on my bed and my source of all things good was withdrawing from me.

I reached out blindly, clutched sleep-feebly. "Stay."

He was silent for a moment. I struggled to keep my eyes open. I was crashing so hard after the day I'd had.

Why didn't he say something? Didn't he want to stay?

"_Stay," _I repeated as insistently as I could manage. "Want you to stay here."

"Okay," he said softly. "Just… gimme a sec, sweetheart."

There was some shuffling, and then he was sliding under the covers with me and turning me so that I was little spoon. I sighed, expelling all of my tension in one breath. I was warm. I was safe. I was ignoring all of my usual objections.

"Night," I mumbled, and if he replied, I wasn't awake to hear it.

*.*.*

I woke up to my alarm, feeling as though I'd had the best sleep in possibly my whole life and entirely unwilling to end it. There was no moment of realisation - I knew, even before the arms around me tightened and grumbled _Christ, El, turn that shit off, _that I was snuggled up to Seth Clearwater. And that I fit so damn perfectly as the little spoon.

I stretched in his grasp and reached my phone, cutting off the shrill generic alarm tone that brick phones favoured.

"You gotta let me up," I said after a moment when he hadn't moved and I was in danger of falling asleep again. "I have school."

"Fuck school," he muttered, snuggling even further into me, his breath hitting the bare skin on my neck and making me shiver slightly. "Stay with me. It'll be fun."

"I have to go shower."

He groaned. "Don't talk about being naked when I can't see it."

I frowned and elbowed him as best I could while he was clinging to me. "Get off, you big baby. I have things to do."

Sighing, Seth relented and rolled onto his back. "You know, I bet we could get Doc Cullen to write you a note saying you need time off school."

"Who's the liar now?" I shot at him as I rose, noting that I was still in yesterday's clothes and no magic pyjama fairies had taken pity on me. I felt dirty.

"Still would be you if you're the one handing in the note," he pointed out, watching me rifle through my drawer. "C'mon, El. Be rebellious. Live a little, babe."

I was starting to associate his pet names with his mood. _Babe _seemed to be vaguely sarcastic. _Sweetheart _was a little more sincere. I didn't really know if I liked either, but Seth could have called me George Glass and I would have let him if it meant I could be little spoon all the time.

Friends spooned, right?

"How are you washing your hair?" he asked suddenly, switching topics. "Your hand is fucked up still, isn't it?"

I blinked. "Um. I just kind of one-hand it. And use dry shampoo to try and hide the fact that washing this much hair with one hand doesn't really work."

"I could wash it for you."

"You're not getting in the shower with me, Seth."

He grinned. "You sure?"

"I'm sure," I said wryly. Morning Seth was apparently Playful Seth. And apparently Playful Seth forgot how much I freaked out over one kiss and wanted to see me naked.

Although if his… um… _reaction _was anything to go by when we did kiss, I think it could be assumed Seth wanted to see me naked in any mood.

_No. Bad Eleanor. _

I showered and dressed, throwing my wet hair up in a bun because I really couldn't be bothered with life. Seth was still laying on my bed when I came back.

He frowned at my hair. "Can you let it down?"

I let it down.

"And come here?"

I approached him and he sat up, tugging me over so he could nuzzle into my neck and inhale. I noticed he was being a little freer with the pack stuff lately, less careful about freaking me out. Maybe he figured that I was past capacity for being spooked by wolf stuff. He was probably right. It seemed tame in comparison to the wider picture.

"You right there?" I said after a beat when he didn't let me go immediately.

"Yep." He let me step back, hands falling to my hips. "I wish you were a no good dropout like the rest of us."

"You're not a no good dropout," I protested.

"That's because I have you as a good role model," he said.

"Watch the pedestal," I warned.

He smiled. "You're doing pretty well up there."

I fidgeted.

He looked amused by my discomfort, but loyally changed the subject so I could run away from it. "Breakfast?"

"Fuck, yes," I agreed, starving despite being quite sure I could never eat again after last night.

We went into the kitchen and proceeded to have a lovely time wiling away what precious minutes I had left before he had to take me to school. For the first time since this mess began, I started having an idea of what _normal _could feel like in La Push. It felt nice.

_Trust me,_ Alex had said. _You're dating._

So of course, that's when everything went to Hell.

*.*.*

**Okay! SO not entirely happy with the first half but it needed to be done. I really loved writing the massive chunk in the middle because FINALLY Alex was introduced. I've been dying to put her in. She's a younger version of a character I used in one of my older stories, which we shall never mention the plotlines of because most of you didn't read them before they were deleted and they were deleted for a reason.**

**Please favourite/review/follow! Honestly every follow I get makes me so much more motivated because I can see people are actually interested in it. Love you guys!**


	9. Chapter 9

**First off, thanks to everyone who added this to faves/follows because there were actually a fair few! You guys are great. Thanks also to my reviewers. Calista, thanks for your info about the legal age of consent in Washington, Google can be a bit dodgy when you're trying to find out that sort of thing and I thought it was easier to play it safe! But I shall now rectify that when I have a chance :) Thanks also to my anonymous guest who left the massively long comment a few weeks ago… You remotivated me in a time I wasn't feeling creative at all. I really needed that support, so thank you. **

**An explanation for my absence - I moved houses and the house I'm currently in didn't have functional wifi for over a month. I'm not kidding. I had to use data to check my emails and apply for jobs and stuff. It was crazy. I also started a new job, which I am really really thankful for because the people I work with are awesome. My life now has some kind of normalcy, which meeeeeeans… UPDATES! YAY!**

*.*.*

I had just grabbed a piece of toast as it popped up. I could feel it on my fingertips; too-hot, dry, crumbly, the crust slightly singed from the temperamental old toaster. Seth was laughing at my grimacing stupidity for grabbing it. I was thinking something along the lines of _maybe it wouldn't be so bad_ or, if I was completely honest, _maybe if I'm hurt he'll kiss me again._

And then I dropped it_. _

The buzzing came on, spreading from my burnt fingertips through both burnt and unburnt hands, up my arms, searing mercilessly into my head. I heard Seth shout at me but I was gone. I was no longer in the kitchen with the rum-eyed boy who made me smile and cry. I was in darkness with wolves howling around me and _wrongwrongWRONG _stuttering alongside my heartbeat. My skin crawled. I tasted bitter and sweet like two sides of the same rotting fruit. Bitterness won out and spread with a coppery tang.

Eleazar had said that my Gift could work like a muscle, but this was more painful than any muscle I had ever used in my life. The pieces I had so carefully tried to reassemble after last time cracked and fell out of their already tenuous positions to shatter even more, glass pieces ready to cut my feet should I try to move on.

The wolves still howled. I could feel the thudding of their feet as if I were the ground they ran on, each impact jarring me. The bitterness in my tongue pooled and turned sickly sweet, filling my head entirely with an awful syrup that burned like ice. I heard a yelp, more snarling. And then there was only silence, only black where there had previously been nothing to see, only terror where there had previously been confusion and anger. It felt foreign. I didn't understand it at all.

The darkness around me turned liquid and clung like sticky ink. There were noises again, but they were muffled, incoherent. I inhaled the too-sweet-burning-ice-syrup with every rattling breath, choking, eventually giving up on breathing altogether.

_**Eleanor.**_

The word pulsed through the black ocean of nothing that drowned me, hitting me in the chest like the pads of the running wolves had. Something bloomed where it had struck.

_**Eleanor.**_

My lungs expanded again. The inkiness receded slightly, enough for me to see myself reflected back in it. _I _was Eleanor. The word was _me, _and _I _was being called back.

_**Eleanor. **_

The darkness receded more and all of a sudden, I could see what I had not seen. The trees were tall and strong around me. I breathed in clean air with clean lungs and smelt pine and dirt and _life. _

_**Eleanor. Come back now. **_

But I couldn't, not when I was just seeing why I was here. Maybe if I understood what I was meant to, I could stop myself coming back. It would end.

My mind raced through jagged jumbles of debris, tearing great strips from my deductive reasoning as it went. I wanted to figure this out. But my brain was too broken.

I turned around and saw that the darkness hadn't receded entirely. There was a wall of it about a metre from me, hovering, neither gas nor liquid but some swirling of in-between. It was less substantial now. I took a step forward.

It parted.

_**ELEANOR.**_

Another pulse, another impact. I stumbled slightly. The black hovered closer than it had before. I took another determined step and my foot hit something-

_**ELEANOR BLACK COME BACK NOW ELEANOR BLACK NOW.**_

I fell with the force of the command and the darkness welcomed me, swallowing my scream whole into oblivion.

Warm hands were on me, one resting on my forehead, one on my shoulder, two gripping my hand on the other side. My head _pounded. _

I groaned. Slick trails of nothing trailed over my skin with cold tongues, leaving skin-crawling revulsion in their place.

"She's back," I heard a voice say with relief. Jacob. I could barely hear him over the buzzing cacophony in my head.

I forced my eyes open a crack and saw the kitchen ceiling, partially blocked out by the - _howlingshatteringbittersweetwolveswrongwrongwrong _- head of my cousin as he leaned over me. It was he who rested a hand on my shoulder and forehead, meaning that the other pressure must be Seth. My eyes flickered to him with difficulty. I - _howlingsweetdrowningwolvessnarling -_ squeezed his hands as best I could with my trembling one, managing only the barest pressure. The noise lessened for a blessed moment.

"Jake," Seth said warningly, eyes on something I couldn't see on my face.

Jacob's hands were gone a moment, and then he was pressing a cloth under my nose and pinching the bridge gently. "You've got a nosebleed," he said calmly. "Seth, please go and call Sue. She needs to be checked out. She might go into shock."

"They don't get along."

"Tough," Jacob said in that same even tone, massive hands surprisingly deft as he wiped blood and stemmed my nose better. "Go call her. You know where the phone is."

Seth reluctantly left to get the phone from where it sat beside Billy's game-watching spot. I shakily reached up and moved a bit of the cloth out of my mouth, trying, failing, to focus on Jacob and not the noises that I couldn't-wouldn't-_refused _to decipher.

"Who called me back?" I said hoarsely, my throat raw. Had I screamed? Had I clawed and run, as I had in the Other Place?

"I did." He quickly rearranged so that I could talk easier, careful not to tilt my head back too far so that the bleed wouldn't choke me. "You're sensitive to the pack. It helps." His voice was lower in pitch than the noise and cut beneath, a line of simple bass, deep and real and good.

"Thank you," I whispered. I desperately wanted to go back to waking up this morning, warm and safe and not… not a mess of bloody nose and shivers and borderline insanity on the floor.

"You're lucky I was coming off patrol," he said, serious dark eyes catching mine. "I don't think Seth could have brought you back this time. Not until whatever had you was done with you."

"You interrupted it." I frowned, trying to remember what it was that I had seen. There had been something in the darkness, something important, something that I had touched. A realisation. A spark. An object. But it evaded me now.

"Sorry," he said dryly. "Next time you're unresponsive, I'll leave you be."

I didn't have the energy for his sarcasm, so I just nodded and closed my eyes again, concentrating on bringing slow pulls of air into my lungs and willing the pain in my head away. It was worse this time. There wasn't just the lingering feeling of wrongness - because that was definitely there, sliding over my skin like the oily, inky dark had. I felt as though I had been physically battered. My limbs ached. My head hurt. Had I been comfortable this morning? Had I been comfortable ever?

Seth was back. I felt him before I physically felt him take my hand again. With great effort I reopened my eyes and looked at him. My headache was worsening.

He looked awful. Spasms shivered along his bunched muscles as he crouched like he would have to protect me from someone. He was keeping his calm, _barely. _I gently pulled my hand out of his and reached up to touch his face, trying to pull him back. He twitched under my touch, but as my icy hand warmed from his skin, he looked at me and actually _saw _me. His gaze sharpened until he was Seth, then softened slightly until he was _my _Seth. He placed his hand over mine and laced our fingers, bringing them to his mouth so he could kiss my palm. I attempted to smile at him, close-lipped and bloody though I was, before a stab of pain in my head made me wince again. He tried a smile back. We both gave up because we weren't even fooling ourselves, let alone each other.

I closed my eyes against the bright, cold winter light lancing into the kitchen. Slowly, slowly, the noise quietened to a dull roar, and then to a whisper, and then to something resembling silence. My fragments eased back together, the dulled edges not quite fitting the same.

Jacob took the cloth off my face at last and left for a moment, coming back with a quilt for over me and a pillow for under my head. It didn't make much difference. I could still feel the _wrong _sliding over my skin, the _wrong _that I had inhaled wreaking havoc beneath it. Seth chafed his hands slowly and gently along the skin of my forearm, which helped to make that particular limb feel a bit more normal.

"Guess I won't be going to school," I attempted to joke, but he just shot me a look that said he didn't find it very funny, so I shut up.

Sue Clearwater arrived with a bag of medical supplies and a no-nonsense attitude, shooing both Jacob and her son away from me.

"Hello, Mu," she said briskly. "I'm going to check you for injuries. Is there anywhere in particular it hurts?"

"My head." _My entire body. Have you seen it? I think it's in pieces on the floor. Do be careful where you step._

Sue felt around my head. She removed the blanket and ran practised, sure hands along my torso to check for injuries or pain before repeating the gesture on my torso.

"Did she hit her head when she fell?" She asked, eyes flickering between Seth and Jacob.

From where he leaned against the counter, Seth shook his head. "I caught her."

Hadn't he been sitting down though? I noticed, for the first time, that the table was out of place and a chair was broken on its side. He must have barreled out to catch me in time.

"Good. No risk of concussion from the fall then. Did she seize at all while she was down?" Sue had pulled out a torch and was shining it in my eyes. I winced and tried to flinch away into the pillow.

"No."

"Good, good." She replaced the torch and felt my forehead through her latex glove, focusing on my face again. "Mu, how do you feel right now?"

"Cold," I said. "My head hurts. My body aches."

"Like fever chills, or more significant?"

"I don't know," I said honestly, impatiently. My brain was not functioning on a distinguishing level at the moment.

"You feel a little hot, honey. I'll take your temperature in a minute. Any dizziness or nausea?"

"Little dizzy." _Trying to push myself back into place is disconcerting._

"Mmm." She dug around in her bag again. "Tell you what, I'll take your blood pressure just to be safe, and then I'll take your temperature. You might just be burnt out from whatever happened."

"Okay."

"How's the hand?" she asked as she velcroed the cuff to my arm. Whatever else I might have thought about her, Sue was a fantastic healthcare professional when she wasn't playing wise woman.

"Good," I said. "Kind of itchy."

"That's good," she noted as she read the device, easing off the pressure once she was satisfied. "That's part of the healing. Make sure you keep moving it so it doesn't get stiff."

"Okay."

Sue packed away her blood pressure cuff and pulled out some wet wipes to clean the area around my nose. She kept looking at me right in the eye every few seconds, making sure I was listening to what she was saying.

"Your blood pressure is fine. Your headache is most likely caused by tension from whatever happened. You haven't sustained any injury. You do, however, have a fever, which is why you're shivering and aching. I could hook you up to oxygen if you wanted, but it'd be more of a comfort than anything." She sat back on her heels. "I'd recommend you get some bed rest and take some Tylenol for the pain. Try to eat something light if you're up to it later. Drink plenty of water. Sleep. Call me right away if it gets worse." She glanced at Seth. "You. Make sure she does what she's meant to. Try to avoid triggering whatever it was."

Seth nodded.

"You think you can sit?" Sue asked gently. When I nodded, she helped me into an upright position and held me steady for a moment until she was sure I wouldn't fall back down. Seth swooped down and carefully lifted me the way he had last night, blankets and all.

I lolled against him, feeling the cold clammy dirt on my skin more than ever. He walked slowly, cautiously to my bedroom, not even stopping to thank his mother. I wished I had thought to do it, but it was too late now.

"I need a shower," I mumbled.

"You might faint," he pointed out. "I'd have to help you."

I wrinkled my nose. "I'm disgusting."

"You took a shower this morning. You're fine." He let me down when we got to my room, directing me to sit on my bed while he found my pyjamas. He reached down to unbutton my jeans and I batted his hand away.

"_Don't," _he said warningly, his calm slipping slightly again. "Don't act like that's what I'd be thinking about right now. I need to take care of you. You can be a bitch later but I _need_ to do this because I thought you were going to die."

Startled, I let him pull me up and direct me out of my pants and into my pyjamas, let him slide the warm flannel up to my hips.

He pushed my shirt up and over my head, moving my limbs like I was a doll. I watched his clinical focus while he watched his hands, suddenly seeing striking similarity between him and his mother. I wondered if, in another dimension, Seth would have earned the Beta position with his cool, methodical actions.

Once my pyjama shirt was on, he surprised me by hesitating and lifting his gaze to somewhere over my head. "If you wanna take your bra off, do it now."

I considered protesting that he turn around. But if he was going to do that, he would have already done it, and he wasn't in the mood to negotiate right now. I reached behind me and unclasped the bra, wriggling it out of the fabric and tossing it somewhere on the floor. "Done."

"Where's the Tylenol?"

"In my bedside table."

He made me sit on the bed again while he popped it from the foil and pushed last night's water glass into my hand, watching me with sharp eyes as I downed them. I handed him back the empty glass and lay down on the still-unmade bed, closing my eyes.

There was a sharp swishing noise and then deeper gloom; he had shut the curtains. The bed dipped as Seth's weight settled next to me. I turned over before he could move and draped myself over his side, seeking the steady heartbeat and warmth that usually soothed me. He pulled up the back of my shirt so he could trail his fingertips up and down my spine. The rough pads on them, blunt nails smooth despite their wear, dragged slightly on my smooth skin. I sighed contentedly, seeking out as much skin as I could to balance out what the Wrong had claimed.

"You stopped breathing," he murmured. The words rumbled in his chest against me, dragging me out of my near stupor.

I swirled a design idly on his skin with a fingertip, resting my palm delicately as I did so. "I remember. I was choking."

"You weren't choking," he said, and I could hear a frown in his voice. "You were completely still, and then you just stopped breathing until Jake started giving orders."  
>"I was choking," I repeated. "In the dream. Vision. Whatever."<p>

He paused. "You saw something this time?"

"Debateable." I yawned widely, feeling the painkillers start to kick in.

The palm of the hand which had been tracing on my back came to rest on my hip, thumb working the slow circles that I had found torturous a lifetime ago, when I wasn't so tired.

"Go to sleep," he said quietly. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Okay," I agreed, shifting into a slightly comfier position nestled in his side. The sound of our breathing and the slow drag of his thumb lulled me to sleep.

*.*.*

I dreamed of wolves. Or one wolf in particular. I didn't know who he was. He was not _my _wolf, I knew that much just by looking in his eyes. I didn't recognise him as Quil, or Embry, or Jacob, or Paul, or even Sam. I didn't know this wolf.

We stared at each other, sat maybe ten metres apart on the edge of the cliffs. I could hear the ocean crashing below, angry, violent. The wolf's black lips slowly curled back into a growl. I stared, stricken, as he stalked towards me. Distance was nothing to a being as massive as he, and all too soon he was in front of me, tensing, ready to-

"El. C'mon, sweetheart. You're having a nightmare."

I groaned as, for the second time today, my mind was forced back into a body that felt far too heavy for it.

Somehow in my sleep I had come to rest entirely on top of Seth. My head was tucked into his shoulder. My feet were just below his knees. I stirred.

"You okay?" he murmured, fingertips tracing my spine.

Was I? I felt like I had just flown over from New Zealand again and jetlag was setting in. A feeling the colour of confusion was washing through me, stained black in ugly splotches by the blurred memories of what had happened this morning.

"Time?" I rasped instead of answering, suddenly realising how dry my throat was. _Water. _I spied that the glass on the night stand had magically been refilled and propped myself up to reach for it, failing miserably. Seth reached over with his superior wingspan and passed it to me.

"I'd say around four," he replied. "I was sure you would've slept through the night."

"In the afternoon?"

"Morning. Drink." He nudged the glass until I did as he said, taking long pulls that cleared cobwebs.

I handed the glass back to him to set down. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"It's…" I frowned, trying to run over jumbled events in my head. "Mixed up. I don't know what happened when." I settled back down into my place, trying to push away the nagging feeling of impending _something _that the dream had inspired. Like I didn't have enough to worry about anyway.

"We were just talking when you fell," Seth said quietly. "About _nothing. _I caught you, and at first it was like last time, and you were shaking and muttering. But then you just went completely still. I tried calling you out of it. Opened our bond as wide as it would go, but it was like you weren't even there. And then you stopped breathing. Jake was just coming in, he found us on the floor. He brought you back. And then you woke up and your nose started bleeding, and I called my mom to come take care of you. Do you remember all that?"

I hummed. "It's all just… messy. In my head. What I saw, and what happened after."

"What did you see?"

I tensed. "Not much. I heard… wolves, again, and I could taste this stuff that was so fucking sweet it just about burned. And then everything was black instead of nothing, and I could _feel _it on me. Then…" I frowned again, trying to think. "I… I think that's when I couldn't breathe, maybe? I think… I heard Jacob. And some of the black went away, and I tripped on…" It was teasing me, dancing just out of my reach.

"On what?"

I sighed, giving up. "I don't know. I don't know if I saw before I came back. Jacob woke me too early, I think."

He tensed beneath me. "We thought your lack of breathing was a good indication that it was the right time to snap you out of it."

"Well," I said without thinking much, "Whatever is was I was meant to see, I haven't seen it. So it'll… it'll probably happen again." A shudder ran through me before I could help it.

Seth's grip tightened. "_No," _he growled, trembling slightly.

I raised my head and inched up as best I could so I could hover over him, look him in the eye. "Stop it," I said firmly. "_I'm_ supposed to be freaking out. I'm the one who's _allowed_ to freak out here. You're meant to be the one who can handle anything."

"I can't handle you not breathing," he snapped, hands hard on my hips. "That's too close to you dying, and I sure as fuck can't handle that." I felt the shivers rippling through his muscles, but he still seemed to be in check.

"I'm not too thrilled about it either! It's not exactly something I can _control." _

We stared at each other for a moment, neither backing down. Then he sighed and relaxed slightly. His grip loosened. He brought one hand up to gently trace along my jaw, as if he were trying to memorise the shape and the way it fit in his hand.

"I just don't want to lose you," he said softly. "Fuck. Just try, okay? For me?"

"I'm sixteen, I'm not really ready to go yet," I said, shrugging uselessly under the intensity of his gaze. I wanted to look away, but his eyes were doing things to my insides. I was apparently a glutton for punishment.

"Good." He let his fingers drift down, resting over the soft skin where my pulse jumped to meet him in a thunder of _sethSETHsethSETHsethSETH _noise. "You're gonna live until you're at least ninety with great grandbabies."

I smiled despite the small pang of _with whom are you assuming this will happen _that sparked at the statement. "Well, it must be true if _you_ say it is. You are the authority on fate."

"I am. And I'll be there to say I told you so when you're ninety." Very carefully, very slowly, and giving me every opportunity to stop him, Seth kissed me for the second time.

It was nothing like the kitchen. His mouth was soft and undemanding against mine, tasting, sampling, savouring. I didn't melt away into a puddle. I floated, anchored to the Earth by the oh-so-gentle hands holding me to the beautiful boy beneath me. I was liquid glass, all heat and raw potential, spun into something meaningful by his careful touch.

Time was irrelevant. Time didn't exist. Nothing existed save him, and me, and this. His hand came to cradle the back of my head through strands of my thick hair, a sensation I recognised and shivered at. The shudder rolled down my body and by the way his grip tightened just ever so slightly, his body aligning to mine just ever so perfectly, he felt it. He liked it. I wondered if what we were doing really felt this right, or if it was only right because everything else was wrong.

I felt oddly hollow when he drew us apart, smiling that slightly bitter-sad smile he seemed to save for moments like this.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," he said.

"You never are." I sounded breathless even to myself, as if he had stolen the wind from me as easily as stealing a kiss.

"No," he agreed. He still had on hand tangled in my hair, keeping me close to him. "I should probably start picking better moments to do that, anyway."

"Probably."

"You're taking this surprisingly well."

"I'll question everything later," I assured him, still trying to decide whether to follow the tug in my chest that urged me to kiss him, or the pull in my belly that urged me to do much more. They were both much more tempting than following my head, which told me that the day of a near death experience wasn't the time to be making such decisions.

"We're gonna have a talk about this one day," he said. "I'm going to ask you out and you're going to say yes, and then you can stop giving me that look every time I kiss you."

"What look?"

"The one where you don't know whether to kiss me back or run away screaming." Seth's lips curved in amusement as my expression shifted to something like indignation. How _dare _he summarise me so well? "Don't worry, I'm not asking you yet."

"You might have to wait until I'm eighty," I reminded him childishly, remembering a conversation from another day, another time.

He shrugged. "Doesn't bother me."

The annoying thing was that I think he actually meant it. He kissed me, but then he backed off. He made declarations, but he didn't expect anything in return. He was waiting. And he looked comfortable with that.

He probably knew I wasn't going to make him wait until I was eighty. I wasn't sure when _if _had shifted to _when _in my mind, but it had, and I suspected that he had known that long before I did.

*.*.*

Larry burst into the house the next evening, just as Jacob and I were arguing about who had to do the dishes.

Him: _You were unconscious today. And it's my job._

Me: _I ate the food, I'll help clean the mess._

It was a repetitive argument. We were both stubborn Black children. Usually the dishes were done before we'd resolved it.

"Oh, shit, you're okay!" she cried, throwing her arms around me where I sat frozen in surprise at the kitchen table.

Seth coughed. It sounded suspiciously like amusement.

"Um," I said, taken aback yet again by the loyalty I had somehow earned from this wonderful girl, "Yeah."

_Brilliant, Mu. Witty repartee really is your forte._

"I told everyone you were sick," she said, settling gracefully beside me with her dancer's back pin straight. "I guessed it would be pack stuff. Embry didn't tell me much, but…" she paused, and for a second she looked a little hurt. "Well, _you _could have told me, Mu." The unspoken accusation of _I told _you _everything, you cow _hung in the air. Although she probably wouldn't have called me a cow. She was far too decent of a person. And I really wasn't worthy of her friendship.

I looked at Seth and Jacob. They got up without a word and sauntered into the living room. I knew they'd be able to hear everything, but the illusion of privacy was nice anyway.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, focusing on a crack in the table. "I just… um… I really don't know anything myself. And you were really happy with Embry, so, um... Yeah. I didn't know this was going to happen. I don't even know what's _happening."_

"Embry said you have a Gift," she said, her voice hushed as if talking blasphemy in the presence of a deity. "That you can see the future."

But I shook my head. "I can't see much of anything. I just… It's…" I couldn't find words. I gave up with a shake of my head.

Larry nudged me. "Hey. It's okay. You're one of the bravest people I know. You'll be fine. You have people to help you through this. _I'll _be here." She leaned around to make eye contact. "You helped me when I needed it," she said seriously. "If there's any way I can help you, I will. Even if you just need someone to vent to. It's the least I could do."

_I haven't done as much as you give me credit for. _A few late night phone calls and text messages weren't enough to stem a tide. That was where Embry had come in, altering the pull that threatened to drag her under. But if they had brought her comfort when he couldn't, I was glad.

"I haven't even seen you lately," she said when I didn't reply, patient, coaxing. "You've been at school but you haven't really _been _there. You wanna come over sometime? Get away from all this? We can have a wolf free night."

I allowed myself to fall sideways and rest my head on her shoulder, accepting her comfort. "Yes. Please yes."

"Mom's on a conference this weekend, I'll ask Dad if you can come over after ballet. Sound good?"

I nodded.

Larry stroked my hair gently as if I were a child. "You don't have to do this all alone. We're all here for you."

"I know," I mumbled.

"Okay." She shrugged slightly under my head, careful not to dislodge me. "Just keep it in mind. How's your hand coming along?"

"It's fine." I sat up and resumed staring at the crack in the table. I wondered how it had got there. "How was school?"  
>"Bree's been sniffing around since you've been gone so much," she said. "Sally's kind of conflicted, I think. She really likes you, but Bree's been her friend for years. She knows what Bree gets like is all, whereas you just mind your own business."<p>

"What does Bree get like?"

"She tends to take the side of people she shouldn't if it benefits her. I wonder…" Larry hesitated for a second, apparently piecing together her next sentence carefully. "I wonder if Llana Stanley has something over her. Bree has no reason to go along with her otherwise. Llana made her life hell."

"Maybe she's just happy there's another scapegoat," I suggested wearily. "I don't really care about Llana Stanley. I don't get why she keeps making it a competition between us. I don't want anything she has."

"Yes, but she thinks you have Sid," Larry pointed out. "That's one thing she doesn't have."

The mention of Sid brought a frown to my face. "She can have him. I already said no to him. Several times now, actually."

"He's persistent," Larry agreed. "I used to be Team Sid, you know, until I realised what was going on here."

A bark of laughter escaped me. "Team Sid? Since when was I in a love triangle?"

"Well," she said, "to the average outsider, it looked like you had two contenders for your affections. One was the wholesome boy who we all knew and trusted. The other one was someone none of us knew, that you barely knew, but you had an unhealthy attachment to."

I scoffed. "Two things wrong with that. One; I did _not _have an unhealthy attachment. Two; I didn't want either of them, so there wasn't much affection for them to contend for."

She shook her head at me, amused. "You're such a liar. You're not even _good _at it."

"So everyone keeps telling me. What am I lying about now?"

"You're very much unhealthily attached to Seth. And I know for a fact that you were considering Sid at one point, or you wouldn't have gone out with him. And Seth wouldn't be standing quite so close to you all the time if you hadn't started giving him a chance."

I frowned at her. "We're kind of irrevocably bonded for life. I don't know if you've heard of it; it's this weird thing called _imprinting?"_

"No need to be sassy."

"There's always a need to be sassy."

Larry grinned at me. "There you are. Normal Mu is back."

"You're an idiot," I grumbled. But I was smiling. I had missed this simpler companionship, where we weren't thrown together by fate or familial ties. Where she could tell I was lying because she had been there for the truth, not because she inexplicably knew me better than I knew myself.

"Sally's been raving about you guys recording in her garage," she said. "I think you're going to have to let her down gently. She's already planning a world tour."

I frowned again. "I already told her I didn't want to be credited for any of it. She can do what she wants. I don't want to be dragged into it."

"I think she ignored that detail. She's got cover art."

"Cover art? For what? We just mucked around with a few bottles of wine."

Larry shrugged. "She showed us what you guys did. It sounds pretty good for mucking around with a few bottles of wine."

"Whatever."

"You're good, Mu. You sound good."

I fidgeted. "Um. Thanks."

She smiled knowingly and got up to put the kettle on. "You drink tea, right?"

"Right."

"Where's your tea?"

"That big jar by the toaster."

She fished out two mugs, then paused. "Boys, you want one?"

"We're good," one of them called back over the television noise from the next room.

Larry shook her head. "Still getting used to that."

"The wolves, or the stuff that comes with them?"

"All of it." She sat back down while we waited for the water to boil. "Mostly the fact that there's a whole secret life happening in Goddamn Nowhere, WA, and everyone thinks it's just some crazy wildlife and dumb hikers."

"It's safer for everyone to be in the dark."

"I know." She rested her head on the table. "I just wish I could tell my parents. They don't even know I'm with Embry. I don't know how to tell them what he is to me without sounding crazy."

"Probably better to do it soon."

"Does your family know?"

I raised an eyebrow. "My family is the one who was hiding it from me, remember?"

"I meant your dad."

"Oh." The kettle whistled and I rushed to switch it off, busying myself with pouring the water carefully. "Um. No. He doesn't. It's not really an issue."

"Won't he wonder why you want to stay?"

I tensed, halfway through stirring in my honey. "He'd have to ask for me to come back for that to be relevant."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Seth ambled in conveniently as if he hadn't heard everything we said and was just looking for food. He brushed past me on the way to the fridge, his hand touching my lower back briefly in reassurance before he was stooped and looking at the dismal contents.

"Do you guys ever get food?" he wondered aloud, breaking the slightly awkward silence that had fallen.

"We do, but then Jacob comes home in the middle of the night and eats it all," I said dryly. I'd discovered his midnight snacking habits a few nights ago. "You want food, go get some from your house."

"Only if you come with me."

I gave him a look. "Seth. I just poured my tea. And my friend is here."

He snorted. "What are you, British? Embry wants to go anyway."

"Embry's here?"

Larry had the grace to blush. "I told him he could go but he sort of lurked in the woods instead."

"He could've come in," I pointed out. "He doesn't have to stay in the treeline." I stood and went to the front door, pulling it open. "Embry, you don't have to stay out there, Jacob and Seth are already here."

"He's staying there because he's meant to be patrolling," Jacob's voice rumbled suddenly from behind me, making me jump. He had come to stand by the door, eyeing the wolf that stood half-slunk from the trees. "Emb. You know the rules, man. Mortal danger or no dice."

"Mortal danger?" I echoed, allowing my cousin to shut the door and steer me back to the table and my mug and a slightly embarrassed Larry.

"Wolves can't leave patrol unless someone is in mortal peril," he explained cheerfully. "Otherwise everyone just wants to keep watch of their imprint and no one does any damn patrol. Ask Seth, he gets in trouble for it all the time."

"He didn't tell me that," Larry said of Embry, apologetic.

"That's okay, honey. Embry's a sneaky little shit."

I raised my eyebrows at Seth. "You following me?"

Jacob talked over him as he opened his mouth to reply. "You only caught him outside your window a few times but he was there pretty much every night. Regular old Romeo, this one."

"Shut up, Jake," Seth hissed. "Like you're any better with Nessie."

"Alpha," Jacob said, pointing to himself. "Pinnacle of authority and responsibility, who sees his imprint in his free time, like he should."

"Except two days ago when Nessie wanted to play."

Jacob grinned even wider. "Alpha. Pinnacle of authority and responsibility, who makes the rules and can therefore break them."

I sighed and sipped at my tea. "When's Billy getting back?"

"Soon," Jacob said, eyes sharp on my flimsy facade of normalcy. I knew he had picked up on the not-so-casual meaning behind my casual question.

When he had found out what was happening, Billy had gone straight to the archives and the other Elders in case there was something he had missed on his own.

Seth managed to drape himself over the chair opposite me without my noticing until his calves tangled with mine. I smiled, quick, sharp, small, at him over my mug of tea. His hovering was slightly stifling at this point, but I appreciated that he at least made an attempt to be covert while other people were around.

"So," Jacob said suddenly, "What's this I hear about you singing with actual people?"

"Person," I corrected, avoiding his eyes. "She wasn't meant to do anything with it."

"She's dying to put it online," Larry said unhelpfully.

I scowled. "She better not."

"Mu has a copy," Seth piped up, eyes trained on me for my reaction. "She thinks she hid it from me but I know where it is."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Do not."

He leaned forward slightly, calling my bluff. "Pen drive. Left toe of your brown boots. In your closet."

"You're so creepy."

"You're so predictable."

"I am not."

He rolled his eyes. "Larry, is Mu predictable?"

"Yes."

I glared at her.

She shrugged apologetically. "It's not a _bad _thing. You're just really stubborn and you don't like sharing."

"Well, when you put it like that," I said dryly. "I sound wonderful."  
>"You are," Seth assured me. "Even when you don't let me see you naked."<p>

I closed my eyes and prayed for patience as Larry cackled.

"Seth," I said, "This is the kitchen. Can we keep nudity talks out of common areas of my family home?"

"Whatever you want, baby."

"Stop calling me baby."

"Okay, Princess Rainbow Moonbeam."

He was playing with me, distracting me, I realised belatedly as his eyes laughed at me despite his straight face.

Larry was outright laughing again. "You guys are so weird."

"It's all her," Seth said, spreading his hands innocently on the table. "She corrupts me."

I opened my mouth to rebuff him but Jacob came striding back into the kitchen - when had he left, and _how _did a man as large as him sneak so quietly? - with a laptop and a triumphant grin.

"Don't," I warned, spying the pen drive in his hand.

"I'm doing it," he said, already setting it up on the bench. "Any words you'd care to say beforehand?"

"Fuck you all."

"Language," Jacob said, tutting at me.

I felt my heart accelerate as he fiddled with the keypad. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to stick around and witness how foolish I'd been, and how weird I sounded on tape, and how I should _do _something with it because it shouldn't be _wasted. _

The intro started playing. I wanted to be sick.

Seth's hand gripped above my knee under the table. It was meant to be reassuring. I jerked my leg away and tried to stand, but the world spun slightly on its axis and I had to sit down again and attempt to disguise it as shifting my weight. By the way he eyed me I knew I hadn't succeeded, but at least the vaguely fuzzy feeling in my head distracted a little from the sound of myself on the track.

It wasn't that I thought I sounded bad. People often assumed, when I was reluctant to sing, that it was because I didn't believe in my own ability. But I knew I could sing. I knew I had the technical skill. I just hated the attention it drew, as if being able to sing was something that set me apart as a person. And I hated that I could hear every fault, every hitch, every too-loud inhale. And I hated that I couldn't sing with Mum anymore, because she had always managed to trick me into forgetting about anything but the songs.

I rested my head on folded arms and waited for it to be over, tilting my head to expose my neck when Seth reached over for his customary massage.

Handy to have around, that boy. When he wasn't selling out my privacy to my cousin.

It ended in a giggle and a fade. It had been an accident, and we had recorded something else over it, but apparently Sally had decided to keep it.

"Well, damn," Jacob said. "You've been holding out. Why do you sing so much Maroon 5 when you can do _that?" _

"Singing isn't my thing," I said flatly.

He looked about ready to protest, then tilted his head appraisingly as if considering something. "Explain."

I shrugged. "Everyone has a thing. Just one thing that's all theirs. Singing isn't my thing."

"It should be your thing," Larry said. "You're really good at it."

"You're good at biology," I pointed out. "Is that your thing?"

She blinked, opening her mouth, then shut it again and shook her head. "You know it's not. I'm just… look, I'm a performer. I just don't get how you can have that talent and not get a _rush _from it."

I shrugged once more. "I'm not a performer. Simple."

*.*.*

**Soooo this is where I left it because I just really wanted to get the ball rolling again and I actually have the start of the next chapter, which was going to be the end of this chapter, to focus on. I promise it won't take as long this time! I'm so, so sorry to everyone who had to wait so long, and thank you all for waiting, reviewing, adding to faves, adding to story alert… y'all are amazing. Thank you.**


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